Disillusionment
by soumanyon
Summary: Love has never been easy for Yuki and Shuichi. But destiny seems to be tossing them more problems than ever. Including a problem that Yuki never expected, and never cared about. Will he care if, instead of him, it strikes the one person he truly loves?
1. Cold Rain

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 1-Cold Rain  
  
"Bye Hiro!" the pink-haired boy called to his friend while grabbing his yellow coat and throwing it on, getting one arm in the sleeve then the other while struggling with his shoes. Finally managing to get the coat on, Shuichi grabbed his bag, slung it over a shoulder and ran out of the room leaving his guitarist friend.  
  
Dashing to the elevator, Shuichi punched the button rapidly, dancing from foot to foot waiting for the 'ding'. After a few seconds, Shuichi glanced at his watch, then looked to the stairwell. A few more seconds later, he had reached a decision and sprinted to the stairs, shoving the door open with enough force to make it hit the wall with a long bang.  
  
Brushing one hand along the railing, Shuichi dashed down the staircase, jumping the last two stairs. They winded around back and forth.   
  
Seeing a door with a large black 'one' it, Shuichi ran through that door and out into the lobby of NG, his sneakered feet loudly running over the marble tiled floor and out the sliding doors into the rain.  
  
It was raining heavily, but the only sign that Shuichi showed of noticing it was to pull his hood up over his pink hair as he splashed through puddles, still dashing to get home.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the apartment that the vocalist was running to, a blond man sat at a laptop tapping his fingers on the keyboard rapidly with his hard gold eyes fastened to the screen. Suddenly he stopped, took his half-smoked cigarette from his mouth, and exhaled before extinguishing it in the ashtray next to the laptop.   
  
Closing his eyes, he removed his thin wire glasses with one hand, while the other hand came up to rub the bridge of his nose. He needed a beer.  
  
His amber eyes opening again, the man stared at the bright computer screen and seemed to hesitate before pressing the save button and turning it off. Even though the flow of inspiration had suddenly dried up, he had gotten some pretty good stuff written today.  
  
Standing up out of the black leather chair, Yuki Eiri stretched before leaving his office and walking to the kitchen, bare feet pattering on the linoleum floor. He stretched again, loosening up his shoulders, which were slightly hurting after sitting hunched in front of his computer the whole day even though he was wearing a casual dark blue shirt only halfway buttoned.  
  
Bending down to look in the refrigerator, he saw only a few cans of beer and a pizza box with a few slices left from last night. Grabbing a can, he slammed the fridge door shut and leaned against the wall to pop the can open and gulp it.   
  
Bored, his piercing gold eyes looked around the apartment, settling on the glowing green numbers of the microwave clock. 5:59.  
  
"Damn." Yuki muttered under his breath. His young lover would be home soon. He always got home at 6. Then again…he didn't really want to do any more work that night. Maybe when Shuichi got home, they could go straight to bed. Yuki let himself smirk since no one was around. It had been almost a week since they had last had sex, since Shuichi was so busy with a new album.   
  
Apparently, the young boy had the same problem the novelist had when it came to deadlines. Shuichi was up to the early hours of the morning every day for the last few weeks and usually fell asleep in the middle of a messy pile of papers with scrawled lyrics and notes covering them.   
  
Walking over to the black leather couch with his beer in hand, Yuki had to practically wade through all the paper on the ground. Finally settling himself onto the couch, he shook his head. The hyper boy got himself in some pretty deep shit this time. It would be a miracle if he actually made the deadline.  
  
Taking another sip out of his can, Yuki's eyes traveled to the clock on the wall again. The apartment was completely silent except for its ticking. Slowly, the thin black second hand made it's way to the 12.  
  
6:00. And the brat still wasn't home yet.  
  
Silence.  
  
6:05. No pink-haired boy running through the door.  
  
6:10. Not able to stand the waiting anymore, Yuki got up and went to the door, opening it and looking down the hall to the staircase. Nope. Running a hand through his golden hair, the novelist closed the door and went back to the couch, sitting back down, beer on the coffee table forgotten.  
  
Tick. Tick. Tick.   
  
6:15.  
  
It was almost 6:20 when the door suddenly burst open and a dripping, grinning Shuichi launched himself at the man who was sitting on the couch.  
  
"YUUUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" he screeched wrapping his arms around Yuki so tight that the novelist could barely breathe. Roughly, Shuichi was thrown off his lover and onto the couch while Yuki went to close the door that Shuichi had left open.   
  
The door slammed and Shuichi jumped visibly. Silence.  
  
"Uh…Yuki, are you…mad at me?" Shuichi asked nervously, eyeing his cold lover.  
  
Yuki didn't reply, only picked out a spot on the couch that was still relatively dry and sat down, staring at the wall.  
  
Emotions flashed across Shuichi's face; confusion, nervousness, uncertain, then sorrow as the boy's large, violet eyes began to well up with tears.  
  
"I'm sorry, Yuki! They wouldn't let me go until we finished recording this one song and then I kept coughing so we had to start all over again and Hiro and even Suguru were getting mad at me and then K yelled at me when I started crying and sniffling and then I got the hiccups and then K tried to shoot me and Sakano tried to jump out a window   
  
and—"   
  
"Shut up."   
  
Shuichi shut up, then stared pitifully up at Yuki while the blond continued with his verbal assault.  
  
"For once, shut your mouth and stop annoying the hell out of me."  
  
Shuichi stopped crying, stunned by Yuki's unusually harsh words.  
  
"Y-Yuki…?" he asked, voice trembling.  
  
This seemed to drive the blond crazy and his gold eyes flashed dangerously as he got up and towered over Shuichi, who was staring at Yuki with uncertainty and a little fear in his eyes as he tried to scoot to the other side of the couch, away from Yuki.   
  
"Can't you stop your whining for one minute?!" Yuki yelled at Shuichi. Then, seeing the boy's tears were about to overflow again, the man reached down to grab a pack of cigarettes lying on the coffee table and lit one, inhaling deeply as he calmed himself.  
  
Meanwhile, Shuichi just stared at the angry bastard his lover had just turned into. As the fumes and smoke of the cigarette reached him, Shuichi coughed slightly and struggled to not make a face as his heart sank. Yuki knew that he hated it when the novelist smoked. But right now it didn't seem like the novelist cared.   
  
Maybe Yuki didn't care…about him.  
  
With a fearful glance at the blond, Shuichi got up and went to the door, opening it with a look over his shoulder before he stepped outside and closed the door quietly.   
  
Walking as if in a trance down the stairs, Shuichi thought about where he could go. He didn't want to burden Hiro, especially since his friend was probably mad at him for messing up so much at the studio today. And he had made Hiro late for his date with Ayaka.   
  
Suguru was out of the question. The boy still lived with his parents and it wasn't as if they were especially good friends. Shuichi didn't even know his address, anyway.  
  
He didn't even consider K or Sakano. Even in normal circumstances, staying with either of them was enough to make his shudder. Sleeping in an apartment full of enough weapons to arm an army wasn't exactly good for his peace of mind. And Sakano was out cold right now. They had had to knock the poor man unconscious to keep him from killing himself.  
  
Tohma…Shuichi knew that the man hated him. Maybe it was because he was jealous that Yuki loved Shuichi and not himself. Maybe it was overprotectiveness. And maybe it was just the rivalry between Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck. Whatever the reason, Shuichi was scared of Tohma.  
  
Ryuichi? Shuichi hardly thought about asking his idol to house him for the night. Asking a favor from Sakuma Ryuichi was a big no-no.  
  
Even though Tatsuha was in town for a week, he was staying at a hotel. Plus, Shuichi didn't want to get raped in the middle of the night. He wasn't sure what Tatsuha's level of control was and with a Ryuichi-lookalike all to himself for the night…well, better to be safe than sorry.  
  
Arriving at the door outside, Shuichi pushed it open and once again went into the rain. It was darker now and there were less people rushing around the wet streets under dark umbrellas. The rain was still pouring.  
  
Wandering around aimlessly with his eyes focused on the pavement, Shuichi looked up after a while and realized he was in the park where he had first met Yuki. Except for the rain, it was completely silent and wonderfully peaceful.   
  
Sitting down on a bench, Shuichi jumped up, realizing that it was covered with rainwater. Then, after a few moments of thought, he sat down again. He was all wet anyway, so it didn't really matter. It was just a little cold.   
  
Just a little cold rain.  
  
Shuichi looked around, blinking at drops that were shaken from his eyelashes and into his eyes. Then he sighed and leaned over so he laid on the bench. Shivering as the rain soaked him, the vocalist wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes, trying to find sleep. A single thought came to his mind:  
  
Yuki.  
  
~*~  
  
So, how was it? My very first Gravi fic. And of course, I tell you this AFTER you've finished reading. ^_^ Well, it's couldn't have been that bad if you got all the way down to here, right? Or maybe not.  
  
Tell me what ya thought! Review, please! Flames/contructive critism welcome, but please tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can write better instead of just insulting me. ^_~ Anyway, till next time! 


	2. Crossdressing

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 2-Crossdressing  
  
Yuki was sitting on the couch once again listening to the ticking of the clock. This was going to drive him insane, he knew it, but he didn't really feel like getting up right now.   
  
He had messed up.  
  
He knew it; he had messed up. How could he make this better? He couldn't apologize, that was completely out of the question.  
  
Reaching to coffee table, Yuki extinguished his cigarette on the black marble ashtray where a half dozen other half-smoked cigarettes were. It was a bad habit, smoking. But Yuki didn't care enough to quit. So what if he died?   
  
Running his fingers through his golden hair, Yuki sighed. He needed some stronger anti-depressants. Leaning back against the cool black leather again, the novelist looked to the phone on the small table next to the couch. Hesitating for a moment, he finally picked it up and turned it on.  
  
Slowly, he dialed 4 numbers, then stopped, turning the phone off again and placing it back on its stand. Of course Shuichi had run to Hiro's house again, so why did Yuki feel the need to check up on him? Not like he cared for the brat. Yuki had gone twenty some years without Shindou Shuichi and he could live without him.  
  
Tick. Tick. Tick.  
  
~*~  
  
Shuichi woke up hurting all over. With a groan, he tried to pry open his eyes and was half-blinded by the intense sunlight. Thoughts of why Yuki was up so early rushed into his mind before memories of the previous night came back.   
  
Yuki had been especially mean to him and he had come to the park…  
  
Shuichi finally realized the reason he was cold and sore. He had slept the whole night on a park bench. Sitting up, he yawned, then stretched, looking at his watch.  
  
"Crap!" Shuichi exclaimed, seeing that he was late. Jumping up, the vocalist began dashing to NG, having no time to go back to Yuki's apartment to change. Not like he wanted to go back and face the novelist anyway.  
  
Dashing through Tokyo's streets which were crowded with the morning traffic, Shuichi had narrowly missed getting run over by three bicycles by the time he arrived at the NG building's front doors.  
  
Going straight to the stairs this time, Shuichi had an ironic thought. The last time he had used these stairs, he had been so happy at going home to see his lover. Now…well…he wasn't happy.  
  
Reaching his floor, Shuichi slowed to catch his breath, then began thinking. He couldn't go to work in the same clothes he had been in yesterday or else the other would know that there was something wrong. Chewing on a fingernail, Shuichi thought through his possibilities. Then it hit him: Ryuichi!   
  
Sakuma Ryuichi was the only person who would help him and not ask questions about it! Quietly opening the door out of the stairwell, Shuichi poked his pink-haired head through and looked down the hall both ways. Seeing no one, he stepped into the hall and silently closed the door.  
  
Tiptoeing and sneaking all the way to where he knew Ryuichi's office was, Shuichi knocked quietly on the door.   
  
Hearing a cheerful, "Come in!", Shuichi opened the door and slipped inside, closing it behind him.  
  
Ryuichi's office was like a playroom. The walls were bright yellow and there was a colorful, stenciled border along the top of the walls, near the ceiling. Everything was a jumble of bright, primary colors. The carpet on the floor was thick and soft and there were stuffed animals scattered around the room, some propped up against stacks of picture books and others just lying limply on the ground.  
  
Ryuichi himself was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Sakuma-san?" Shuichi called, a little unsure,  
  
"Shu-chan?" came the happy reply from somewhere near the desk across the room from Shuichi. Suddenly, a pink, floppy-eared bunny held by a hand around its middle popped up from under the desk. It bounced a few times before a brown-haired head with its bangs held back by a headband popped up next to it.  
  
Ryuichi Sakuma, vocalist of Nittle Grasper, the most famous Japanese band of all time until it split up years ago.  
  
"Shu-chan!" Ryuichi squealed, then jumped up and ran to Shuichi, glomping the poor boy, "Kumagorou told Ryuichi that it was Shu-chan, but Ryuichi didn't know and so Kumagorou looked for Ryuichi and told Ryuichi again that it was Shu-chan and Ryuichi looked and saw that it was Shu-chan!!"   
  
Grinning happily, Ryuichi let Shuichi go and then looked the pink-haired over. Shuichi caught the man's glance and blushed, embarrassed.  
  
"Uh, I was wondering, Sakuma-san, if you, um, had any clothes that I could borrow?" Shuichi mumbled, staring at the carpet.  
  
Ryuichi's eyes gleamed with an intelligence that was usually hidden before he grinned again,  
  
"Of course, Shu-chan! Come on, Kumagorou knows the perfect outfit for you!" Ryuichi squealed, grabbing Shuichi's hand and dragging him through a door on the left of the room.   
  
It turned out to be a messy walk in closet. Rummaging through the outfits on the hangers, Ryuichi scrutinized them, tongue peeking out of a corner of his mouth in concentration.   
  
"Hm…no, too dark. Um…too bright…" suddenly the lead vocalist of Nittle Grasper shrieked and jumped up, clapping. Somehow, Kumagorou managed to remain on his head, "The perfect outfit for Shu-chan!!"  
  
Pulling a couple of hangers off the rack, Ryuichi ran out of the closet, too fast for Shuichi to even see what he had except that it was dark.  
  
Following his idol out of the closet at a slower speed, Shuichi heard Ryuichi giggling, once more behind his desk. Walking around to the back of the desk, he saw Ryu was holding something that was dark.  
  
"Um, Ryuichi?" he asked, a little nervously.  
  
"Perfect outfit for Shu-chan, looky!" Ryuichi stood up and held up a pair of black, leather pants, a black silk tank top and a thin, translucent violet shirt.  
  
Shuichi eyed the ensemble carefully. It was…a little too revealing. He had no problem with wearing clothes like that on stage, but for everyday clothes, he preferred more covering.   
  
Ryuichi's grin faltered a little, "Doesn't Shu-chan like?" he asked sadly.  
  
"Of course! I love it!" Shuichi said, not wanting to be unappreciative of anything that his idol wanted to give him, "Arigatou gozaimasu, Ryu-chan."   
  
Ryuichi started squealing again at the –chan. Yanking Kumagorou off of his head, he held it up in front of him and chattered to it happily,  
  
"Did you hear that, Kumagorou? Shuichi called me 'Ryu-chan'! Not 'Sakuma-san', or even 'Ryuichi'! He called me 'Ryu-chan'! Ryuichi is so happy, Kumagorou!" Ryuichi gushed to the pink bunny who stared back at him with emotionless black eyes.   
  
Ryuichi nodded seriously, "Yes, Kumagorou, it is a good day!"  
  
Sensing that Ryuichi wouldn't notice, Shuichi slipped out of the room with the new outfit and quickly found a bathroom. Stepping inside, he locked the door and began to change. The pants were a little tight, but he had to admit as he looked in the mirror; he looked good.  
  
Realizing that his bag was still at home, Shuichi bit his lip, unsure of what to do with his other clothes. Reaching a decision, he stashed them behind one of the trashcans making a mental note to retrieve it before he went home. Or, before he went to wherever he would go after work.  
  
Leaving the bathroom, Shuichi wrapped the violet shirt around himself. It didn't do much, but it was something. Strolling into Bad Luck's studio, he was met with the cold metal of a gun to his forehead.  
  
"Where were you?" K asked in American-accented Japanese.  
  
"Uh…sorry, I overslept." Shuichi mumbled. It was the truth, since he knew that he couldn't lie. Plus, it was a reasonable explanation.  
  
"Bet Aniki was feeling horny last night and they were screwing until four in the morning again." Yuki's younger brother said, lounging in a chair near a plant at the side of the room.  
  
Shuichi blushed furiously as he did whenever anyone talked about his and Yuki's sexual relationship. He tried to glare at Tatsuha, who only laughed at him,  
  
"Why do you think I stayed in a hotel this time I came to Tokyo? You're so damn loud, Shuichi. Dunno how Aniki puts up with you." The young priest laughed again, not realizing how much his remark hurt Shuichi.  
  
But Hiro, who had just entered the room, saw Shuichi almost shrink. Sadness was even apparent on the singer's face for a moment before it was hidden, visible only to those who knew Shuichi as well as Hiro did. After all, they had been friends for years and had gone through everything together, including their rise to stardom together and failing high school together. When you stay with a person for that long and through so much, you get to know them pretty well.  
  
Which was probably the reason that he didn't like it his best friend's relationship with Yuki at first. In the beginning, it just seemed as if Shuichi was worshipping a cold bastard who only hurt the vocalist. But as their relationship progressed, Hiro came to see that they needed each other. Still, a little of that original dislike still remained and now it flared.  
  
Hiro knew that the only person who could cause such sadness and despair in Shuichi was Yuki. It's like the saying-"Those who know each other best know best how to hurt each other." And it seemed as if even though Yuki usually never meant to hurt Shuichi, he still managed it.  
  
"Shuichi, I wanna ask you something. This'll just be a minute." He assured K, who didn't seem too happy about yet another delay, but he waved them off anyway.  
  
Now that they were alone, Shuichi winced, knowing that Hiro suspected something.  
  
"What's up, Hiro?" Shuichi asked, trying to keep his voice as normal as possible.  
  
"What did Yuki do this time?" Hiro said, crossing his arms as he leaned against a wall, gazing steadily at his best friend.  
  
"What do you mean? Why do think Yuki did something?" Shuichi asked innocently.  
  
"Don't give me that crap. What happened?" Hiro asked again, this time his eyes hardening to warn Shuichi to tell the truth.  
  
The vocalist hesitated, unsure whether or not to tell Hiro. Then he mentally smacked himself. Of course he could trust Hiro. Hiro was his best friend. His façade gone in a second, Shuichi's violet eyes shimmered with moisture.  
  
"He doesn't care about me, Hiro! Even after so long, even after everything, he still doesn't care about me." Shuichi looked helpless, standing in the middle of the room with his arms hanging loosely by his sides. His large, amethyst eyes looked like those of an abandoned puppy.  
  
Hiro shook his head, then stepped forward to embrace Shuichi,  
  
"Of course he cares about you. He just…doesn't know how to show it."  
  
Shuichi sobbed into Hiro's shoulder, clutching his friend as if Hiro were a lifeline,  
  
"If he did, he wouldn't have yelled, he wouldn't have shoved me, he wouldn't have smoked and he wouldn't have left me out in the rain, Hiro! He doesn't care about me and he…he doesn't love me." Shuichi whimpered, voice muffled by Hiro's shirt and his body racked with sobs.  
  
Hiro petted Shuichi's back comfortingly as his friend rambled, but stopped when he heard the last part,  
  
"You were out in the rain last night?! For how long?" he asked, an angry look coming into his eyes.  
  
"…A-all night. I slept on the bench at the park." Shuichi mumbled, embarrassed.  
  
Hiro's eyes were taking on a dangerous gleam,  
  
"Come on, Shuichi, I'm going to take you back to my place, okay?"  
  
Shuichi looked up, puzzled,  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because, it's not healthy to stay out in the rain all night. You're gonna get sick. You probably are sick right now."  
  
Shuichi grinned lopsidedly,  
  
"I'm fine, 'Kaasan." He said, still hiccuping a little, but smiling now. Hiro grinned back,  
  
"Hey, I'm not the cross dresser, you are." He said.  
  
Maturely, Shuichi stuck his tongue out at Hiro, who shielded his eyes,  
  
"No! I don't want to see that. If I see it, I'll think of all the places that's probably been and I don't want to know."  
  
Shuichi blushed again, his face an even deeper shade of pink than his hair,  
  
"Hiro!" he protested as he swatted the guitarist who just laughed.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Thank you so much for all the great reviews from last time!! You won't believe how happy I was, really. They just made my day. Anyway, this chapter was mostly comedy. There was going to be more plot, but it was getting a little long. Plus, I wanted to get another chapter up today for all you wonderful reviewers!  
  
Again, tell me what you thought! Especially about Ryuichi. I don't know if I have his character down. Please review! Heh, who knows, I might even keep up this one chapter a day thing for a while if I get this many reviews. ^_~ Till next time!  
  
~~~~~I reply to reviews because, um, I just wanna! So, anyway, scroll down and find your penname to see my reply to your review.   
  
hopemia~ sorry, I agree, poor Shu-chan, but...ya have to understand, it's such fun to torture him!! ^_^ I likems angst. They'll be plenty of Shu-tortuing in this fic and plenty of Yuki-guilt too.  
  
Phoenix51~ ^_^ Thank you! Was this fast enough for ya? ^_~  
  
utsubame~ One word: fun. Fun for me, at least. But then again, I'm a messed up kiddo.  
  
Mari~ Thankies!! And yes, I do plan to write more. How much more, I'm not sure. Probably a lot...maybe...  
  
kaori-chan~ pnemonia? Nope, not quite. ^_~ can't say any more than that for now. Yes yes, poor Shu-chan. *cries for Shu-chan, then stops and plots even more ways to make Shu suffer* heeheehee...angst rules!  
  
god_damned~ Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. But, like you said, Shu needed to run out for my plot. And I was feeling a little sorry for Yuki. He's going on plenty of guild trips later on in the plot, so I wanted to be nice to him for now.  
  
teh tarik~ YAY!! I got Kuma-chan rooting for me, all will go well. ^_^ *huggles Kumagorou plushie* Yeah, Yuki's mean. Then again, he's Yuki. lol. ^_^  
  
GoldenWings~ Thank you! I was a little worried about Yuki's character. Glad to know he's IC, thanks! 


	3. Lies

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
A/N: important bit of info, I've set up a notify list. Details in my profile. Basically you get e-mailed when I update. So go sign up!  
  
Anyway, here's the next chapter!  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 3-Lies  
  
(October 29, 2003)  
  
Seguchi Tohma straightened in his black leather chair and stretched a little before spinning around his chair to view Tokyo through the wall to ceiling windows. Resting his chin in a propped up hand, he stared outside, hardly moved by the magnificent sight.   
  
Like it was anything he didn't see everyday.  
  
On his polished wood desk lay endless piles of documents, all color-coded and organized and waiting for his signature. The fates of countless musicians were in black and white on his desk and he controlled their futures, whether there would be fame and fortune, or a lifetime of random coffee house gigs.  
  
Tohma smiled, he liked power and he liked manipulating people with his power. The only exception was Yuki. He tried to stay out of Yuki's life, but it usually didn't work. He cared too much for the man that he had known for so long and loved for so long.  
  
Sighing, the blond man shook his head and turned his chair back around, standing up. As soon as he thought of Yuki, he thought about the novelist's young lover, Shuichi. Tohma had never liked Shuichi. The only purpose the singer served for him was profit-wise. Perhaps it was his overprotective nature, but he didn't like it when anyone got too close to Yuki. Only those who knew each other the best knew best how to hurt each other. And Yuki didn't need any more pain.  
  
Dusting off his spotless shirt, the president of NG left his office and headed towards the elevator to the studio of Bad Luck, the corporation's second most famous band. The first was, of course, his own Nittle Grasper.  
  
~*~  
  
"Stop! No!" the man in the ruffled black suit screamed, fingers twisted in his black hair as if he was going to rip it out of his own head. His wire glasses were barely hanging off the tip of his nose. A few more decibels and they were going to be gone.  
  
Meanwhile, the blond American who was unfortunate enough to be sitting next to the nervous wreck closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, taking a few deep breaths, a major headache developing from the obnoxious squawking he was forced to endure.   
  
Resisting the urge to just pull out his Magnum and shoot the producer, K calmly stood up and, holding the barrel of the gun, whacked the poor man over the head with the polished handle, silencing Sakano for a while instead of permanently.   
  
Still rubbing his head, K looked up at the pink-haired vocalist who was, still coughing, removing his headphones and stepping away from the microphone. Hiro brought his friend a glass of water as Shuichi went to sit down.  
  
"What is it, Shindou? For the past two weeks, we haven't been able to get through a single song uninterrupted." K's voice was calm and flat even though beneath his cool exterior, he, like Sakano, was beginning to get a little worried. Their next album was due out in a month and they still had one song to record and one song that Shuichi still had to write.   
  
Shuichi trained his violet eyes to the ground, ashamed. He knew that he had been slowing their recording. But unlike K assumed, it wasn't for the past two weeks, but at least two months now. They just never noticed. Before, it had never been as bad as the last two weeks, though. His cough seemed to be getting worse. Maybe he should go see a doctor like Hiro said.  
  
Suddenly, the glass door to the studio swung open and Seguchi Tohma walked in. Crossing his arms, the president of NG leaned against the wall next to the door, his light blue eyes on Shuichi.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing." K replied, meeting Tohma's calm gaze, "Shindou-san began coughing in the middle of a song so we're taking a break."  
  
Still coughing, Shuichi nodded his agreement.  
  
Now studying his expensive, manicured nails, Tohma murmured in a flat voice,  
  
"I've head that this had been happening for a while now." He paused, "Will the album be on time or will there be a delay?"  
  
At this moment, Hiro had come with the glass of water, which Shuichi chugged down. Wiping his mouth on his arm, the vocalist stood up, fierce amethyst eyes meeting Tohma's.  
  
"It'll be on time, even if it kills me. We won't have to delay."  
  
The room was silent for a few moments.   
  
Finally, Tohma nodded, then turned on his heel and left. Everyone let out a breath that they had been holding. K simply shook his head. Someday Shindou would learn that you don't mess with someone like Seguchi Tohma, but once in a while, it was good to see the proud blond back down.  
  
Once Tohma left, Shuichi's courage seemed to melt away as he began coughing uncontrollably again. This time, even another glass of water didn't seem to do much.   
  
K eyed the singer, then shook his head and sighed,  
  
"Go home, Shindou. Take the rest of the day off."  
  
Shuichi gaped for a moment, then nodded wordlessly. Getting up, body still racked with coughs, he left, pulling Ryuichi's violet shirt around him even more.   
  
Strolling out of NG, the vocalist stood a little straighter. He ignored the strange looks he was getting, probably for his clothes. Who cared? He had stopped coughing at least and it was a nice day and he was skipping work. Maybe he should go out to lunch. But where?  
  
Suddenly he stopped walking and backtracked a few steps. A second later, Shuichi's nose was pressed up against the glass of a fancy little pastry shop. Funny, he had never noticed it before. Usually he was rushing to get home or to get to work and didn't stop to smell the roses, so to say.  
  
It was a cute little shop with lacy curtains. The shelves in the window were loaded with delicate, beautiful pastries and cakes and the smell coming from the shop was delicious. After just a moment of hesitation, Shuichi went into the store.  
  
Compared to the cool fall day outside, it was like being toasted in front of a fire. Sweet smells hit him from all angles, enough to make his mouth water. That was when he had realized that he had skipped dinner yesterday and breakfast this morning.  
  
Looking around, he was almost drawn to a small wood table with a tray of samples; strawberry shortcakes on it. Picking up one, he bit into it getting a little whipped cream on the corners of his mouth, which he quickly wiped out. Finishing the small cake in four seconds flat, the first thought that came to his mind was how much Yuki would love it.  
  
An idea light bulb turned on in his brain. Whatever he did wrong yesterday, a box of these strawberry shortcakes would definitely make right.   
  
Five minutes later, Shuichi was running home, a pretty pink box of strawberry shortcake in his hands and illusions of how happy Yuki would be to see them when he got home.  
  
~*~  
  
Yuki was worried.   
  
He was also exhausted and hung-over.  
  
He had sat up until the wee hours of the morning thinking. It pained him to realize that Shuichi had run away from him the previous night and he had turned the idea over in his head while chugging down 6 beers and smoking two packs of cigarettes. On his 7th beer, he had finally passed out.  
  
He had woken up this morning to find himself with a pounding headache and had taken a hot shower to ease away some of the stiffness in his shoulders and neck from sleeping on the couch. He had found himself thinking about how Shuichi could tolerate it when he realized that it was himself who forced the vocalist to sleep there so often. Guilt that he usually never felt for anyone in the living world trickled into his mind.   
  
He did love Shuichi. Maybe he wasn't very good at showing it or maybe he was good at hiding it, but the truth of the matter was that Shindou Shuichi, a skinny little whiny crybaby, was the most important person in the world to him.  
  
"God, I shoulda just run him over." Yuki muttered to himself even though he knew he didn't mean it, "how can one little brat screw up my whole life?"  
  
The depression was hitting again. Seeing that he was alone, Yuki allowed himself a despairing groan. Too tired to get up and walk all the way to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, Yuki fumbled for a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket which had been hastily thrown on. He hadn't even bothered to button it.  
  
Finally freeing the pack from his pocket, he held it to his mouth and pulled out a stick with his teeth, holding it in between his lips. His other hand went to the couch's end table where it grasped for his lighter.  
  
"Damn…" he muttered, still fumbling for the lighter. His searching fingers met the phone. Forgetting about his nicotine rush, Yuki picked up the phone and, as he convinced himself, for a lack of anything better to do, decided to call Shuichi.  
  
Picking the number for NG out of speed dial, Yuki waited, taking the cigarette out of his mouth as the phone on the other end of the line rang.  
  
"Hai?" said a voice in heavily accented Japanese. Yuki wondered for a moment how anyone could say 'hai' with such a terrible accent. Then he remembered why he was calling.  
  
"Is Shuichi there?"   
  
"No, he just left." K told him. The novelist was bewildered by this. Instead,  
  
"Hiro?" he asked.  
  
"Hang on." K said as he left to get Shuichi's best friend. Yuki smirked at the short conversation. It was so different from the other conversations he had whenever he called NG. It was usually unpleasant talks with his brother-in-law or his hyperactive lover. He never failed to hang up with a headache after talking to either. For some reason, it seemed as if the phone made Shuichi's voice even higher than it usually was, especially when he squealed, which he tended to do a lot.  
  
Thoughts of good times with Shuichi brought pangs to his heart. For some reason, he was attracted to the boy whom he could find so many faults with.  
  
"God, I should take my pills…" Yuki muttered, rubbing his forehead tiredly. It was chore to keep his eyes open now. He was sleepy…  
  
"Yeah, Hiro." Came Nakano Hiroshi's easy-going voice.  
  
"Yuki." Said novelist replied, searching his brain for a retort to use against the lecture that would surely be coming. It was basically the same as Tohma's; reasons why he should leave Shuichi. But it was flipped, supposedly for Shuichi's own good instead of his as with Tohma.  
  
"What happened?" Hiro asked,  
  
These words caught Yuki completely off guard. Shuichi was an open book. His face alone played through his emotions like a show with subtitles, and together with those impossibly large violet eyes, anyone with half a brain could tell what Shuichi was feeling at any time. The only challenge was why. And that was something that Yuki had never been able to figure out. Such as the boy's blind love for himself.  
  
"What do you mean? He went to your apartment last night." Yuki said, completely disguising the confusion that he felt.  
  
"No, he didn't. Why? Did you kick him out again?" Hiro's voice had gone cold and flat. However, there was concern for Shuichi. Maybe that was why he had been so off today.  
  
"…"  
  
"I'm taking that as a yes. Where did he go last night, then?" Hiro asked,  
  
"I don't know." Yuki replied, hanging up the phone without so much as a goodbye. Worry gnawed at him now. He had been sure that Shuichi would have gone to Hiro's house. Where did the vocalist stay then? Memories of the incident with Aizawa Taki from ASK resurfaced. And Hiro had asked his what happened. That meant that Shuichi must have been acting strange.   
  
Yuki was just about to grab his coat and go look for Shuichi when he heard a key in the door. Throwing away the coat, Yuki sat back down on the couch again, face completely passive.  
  
A few moments later, Shuichi came in quietly. There was no screeching of Yuki's name today. Tiptoeing, the singer walked to stand next to the couch and held out the box of strawberry shortcakes.  
  
After a long silence, Yuki turned his head to stare at his lover with his piercing amber gaze.  
  
"Where did you go last night?" he asked, voice neutral as his expression.  
  
Biting his lip, Shuichi faltered, then decided that he couldn't tell Yuki the truth. His lover would be mad at him for acting so 'irresponsibly and childish' and he put it.  
  
"I…went to Hiro's house."  
  
A/N: Sorry!! I didn't mean to have a cliffhanger this chapter, I really didn't. They were supposed to make up, but the chapter was already getting too long, so I just ended it here. Also, sorry about the late update, wow, already a week since I last updated!  
  
Thanks for the great reviews, keep them coming! Seriously, when I saw the number of reviews, it really motivated me to pull up this fic and work on it. And look, done chapter 3! So, tell me what you thought. Damn, Yuki's such a hard character to write.  
  
Reviews:  
  
hopemia: heh, glad you don't have problems with Tohma-bashing. And yes, Yuki is a bastard. But he's a cool bastard.  
  
Gangsta Videl: Will they end up together...I dunno yet. Read, review, and at the end of the fic I'll tell ya!  
  
teh tarik: Really? I used Ryu from the OVA? Hmm, I haven't seen it either! I just read the manga.  
  
Anime Writer2: check my profile. I set up a notify list for updates. You can sign up for that. Glad to know ya like the story so much! ^_^  
  
Phoenix51: And knowing that my requests for reviews will be granted, you can't blame me now that I've been spoiled with reviews. hehe...thanks again, glad ya still like it!  
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: Sure I'll continue! Poor Shu. This is an 'awww, Shu' fic. And an 'awww, Yuki' fic too, I guess. It's just an 'awww' fic. Angst too, of course.  
  
GoldenWings: Gravi's awesome, I'm addicted to it! The manga is beautiful. *wince* I'll try to update sooner, if Sou gets the chapters to me faster. *glare* 


	4. Weaknesses

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
A/N: If you haven't already signed up for Disillusionment notify list, please do. This way you know when I update and it's easier for me than to send e-mails to everyone who wanted me to tell them when I update. It's a very good mailing list, no spam or anything, just a short e-mail telling you when I update. Anyway, link in my profile.  
  
Warning: a little lime content towards the end of the chapter. Nothing that bad unless you're really squirmy. It's very mild lime, nothing beyond PG-13. Anyway, enough babbling, on with the fic.  
  
btw, I'm not too happy with this chapter. . It didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to, so I hope I don't disappoint my readers too much. Gomen nasai, minna!  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 4-Weaknesses  
  
(November 7, 2003)  
  
"I…I went to Hiro's house." Shuichi murmured, eyes on the ground. Suddenly he looked up and grinned at Yuki, attempting to act normal.  
  
Yuki was silent as he stared at Shuichi, who was studying the carpet again. After a few moments of silence, Shuichi cautiously looked up at the blond through his magenta bangs.   
  
Yuki met his violet eyes instantly. The novelist's hard gold glare seemed to pierce right through the lavender hues.  
  
"Bullshit." Yuki said calmly, eyes closed now so neither his golden eyes nor his voice could betray any of the emotion he was feeling, or should be feeling. Because strangely, he wasn't really feeling anything. It was more as if everything had suddenly became muted. Colors began to dim and there was a rushing sound in Yuki's ears, like what a person hears while underwater. It was a loud absence of sound.  
  
Shuichi's grin faded as Yuki stared into his eyes. His palms were suddenly moist and he stuck his hands in his pocket to dry them off.   
  
At the simple word, Shuichi flinched. Somehow Yuki knew he hadn't been at Hiro's house. And what was even worse, Shuichi had lied. He had lied to Yuki. And Yuki knew it.  
  
Shuichi felt as if he wanted to break down and cling to Yuki and apologize repeatedly, but instead he somehow managed to stay rooted in one spot. But he trembled, not sure what Yuki was going to do next. He was sure Yuki would never hurt him, but the blond's sharp barbs struck so much deeper than any slap or punch ever could.  
  
"I'm willing to give you another chance." Yuki said suddenly, eyes still closed, "Tell me, truthfully, where you were last night."  
  
This time Shuichi bit his lip even harder in the unbearable silence after Yuki's question. A single drop of blood seeped out of his lip but it went unacknowledged. For some insane reason, Shuichi felt an inexplicable fear of telling Yuki now.   
  
A small, still logical corner of his mind told him that what he did wasn't that bad, or at least it wasn't as bad as he was making it seem. But that part of his mind was overwhelmed by the sheer wave of panic the rest of him felt.   
  
He couldn't tell Yuki!  
  
"I…" Shuichi's voice came out in a shuddering whisper as Yuki opened his eyes once again to focus his golden gaze on his lover, who cringed under the silent interrogation. His violet eyes gleamed with moisture, but he shut them, unwilling to cry right now.  
  
"…I can't…" the rest of the statement came out in a mumble,  
  
"What?" Yuki asked, waiting for Shuichi to speak up. He now stood up and towered over the pink-haired boy, who whimpered and tried to take a step back. Yuki's hands came up in a flash and grabbed Shuichi's shaking shoulders, keeping the boy where he was.  
  
Shuichi now looked pathetically fragile and his skin seemed too pale, but Yuki was blinded by the need to know. The need for an explanation other than the one his mind was too willing to provide. A sort of desperation drove him to shake his lover harshly by the shoulders,  
  
"Tell me!" he yelled as Shuichi stared up at him, fear evident in wide violet eyes. Suddenly, Shuichi began to shake his head violently, his strawberry colored hair flying.  
  
"I can't! I can't tell you!" he screamed and his hands, which had been hanging at his sides, were now slapping and prying at Yuki's arms and hands, trying futilely to make the blond let go of him, "Let me go! No! I can't tell you! Let me go!"  
  
A slap echoed through the apartment.  
  
Shuichi fell to the ground quietly, making only a small thump as he fell to his knees, then onto the floor, still managing to stay sitting even if he was a bit slumped over and it was only his quivering arm which propped him up.   
  
His other hand was covering the red mark, which was rapidly appearing on the boy's pale, creamy skin. His whole right side of his face was now bright red. There would be an ugly bruise there. But the pain didn't register in Shuichi's mind because of how his face was numbing and also because of shock. Yuki…had slapped him.  
  
Meanwhile, said blond stared at his red hand intently, then at the boy who was just barely still sitting on the ground. In a detached way, he was horrified with himself with slapping the boy, but the main thought on his mind now was of panic. Shuichi would leave him. It had been a secret fear of Yuki's for…a long time now. He had quickly grown attached to his lover and somehow fallen in love with the little brat.  
  
Anyway, he knew that Shuichi deserved to be treated better than what Yuki Eiri could offer him and every day, every time he had seen the hurt in those violet eyes after a meaningless insult slipped out, he had been afraid he would wake up one day and find Shuichi Shindou gone from his life. And that would kill him.  
  
After what had happened yesterday and Shuichi actually leaving him for a night…and now this, when Shuichi had obviously been trying to reconcile with a fancy box of his favorite sweets…well, he knew it would happen sometime. Better to get it over with quickly.  
  
"I'll pack your bags for you. You can come get them whenever you want." Yuki calmly stated, walking over to the coffee table to pick up the cigarettes he had dropped earlier.   
  
Sticking one of the thin white sticks in between his lips, Yuki lit it and inhaled deeply, needing the anesthetizing drugs the cigarette offered. Running a hand through his hair, the novelist began to walk towards the bedroom, intent on starting the packing right away. If Shuichi was going to be gone from his life, then he wanted all reminders of him gone as soon as possible. Maybe that would make this separation easier.  
  
But suddenly Yuki stopped as he felt a tug on his pants leg. Looking down, he saw Shuichi's slender hand grabbing onto it,  
  
"Don't make me leave, onegai." Shuichi whimpered, large lavender eyes luminous with unshed tears. For a moment, Yuki was completely confused, then realized that the brat was probably worried about finding a place to stay,  
  
"You have enough money, you can rent your own apartment. Or stay at Hiro's." he said coldly, trying to take a step towards the bedroom.  
  
"No, Yuki, I wanna stay." Shuichi said, scooting forward to grab Yuki's hand instead of his leg, "Please Yuki, please don't make me go. I wanna stay here with you."  
  
'He…doesn't want to leave?' Yuki thought, "…"  
  
In the silence, the pink-haired vocalist's tears began to fall and, desperate, he decided to tell Yuki,  
  
"I…I went to the park…" Shuichi's head was now bowed in shame. He knew that Yuki would berate him endlessly about it, but that was better than his lover throwing him out.  
  
Stunned silence.  
  
"But…Sakuma, Tohma, Tatsuha?" Yuki asked, finally revealing why he had been so furious when Shuichi had refused to tell him where he had been the previous night.  
  
Shuichi blinked blankly up at Yuki, then flushed a brilliant red with indignation and embarrassment,  
  
"I'm not a village bicycle, Yuki!" he shouted, standing up and beginning to stomp towards the kitchen where he knew a certain pint of strawberry-vanilla swirl ice cream was waiting for him in the freezer. 'How…how can Yuki even think that I'm like that?!'  
  
But warm arms around his waist from behind stopped Shuichi. Yuki leaned his head down to Shuichi's slender neck and began to place feather kisses on it, mumbling in between,   
  
"Of course, you're my private property." Yuki murmured, while Shuichi shuddered at both the intimate contact and the possessiveness in the blond's tone.  
  
"Mhmm…" was all Shuichi managed to say as he turned his head slightly to give Yuki better access to his creamy skin, mentally thanking Ryuichi for picking out a shirt with such a low neckline. Lazily, Yuki's mouth headed towards Shuichi's, trailing butterfly kisses along the way.  
  
Finally reaching the singer's sensuous lips, Yuki began to kiss Shuichi gently, which was a first for the man. The number of gentle kisses he had given could be counted on one hand. Yuki's lips covered Shuichi's, then pulled away almost breaking contact before swooping back in again.  
  
Hesitantly, Shuichi let his mouth slacken and it opened, allowing Yuki's skillful tongue in. The blond was almost giddy with happiness inside, although of course it didn't show. It was rare for Shuichi to be so bold during their kisses. Usually, Yuki had to give him a not so subtle reminder or two. There were even a few times towards the start of their relationship that Yuki had had to physically pry Shuichi's mouth open.   
  
The novelist's lips curved up in a smirk at that. His young lover had come a long way during their time together. To think that before, he had been a clueless little virgin. Then again, it wasn't as if it was very different now. Actually, that was one of the things that Yuki loved about Shuichi. Even after making love to Yuki countless times, the vocalist still blushed innocently whenever Yuki suggested anything.  
  
The blond's hands, which were on Shuichi's stomach, now crept down to the hem of the black silk tank top and sneaked under it so the novelist could run his fingers over Shuichi's smooth stomach.  
  
Shuichi giggled into Yuki's mouth, breaking away from the kiss and also taking a much-needed breath of air. Arching one light brown eyebrow, Yuki uncertainly ran his fingers over Shuichi's stomach again.  
  
A similar reaction to the first bubbled out from Shuichi, making the boy giggle even more. Yuki's smirk widened until it could almost be called an evil grin. Tackling the boy mercilessly, Yuki soon had Shuichi pinned under him in tears from laughter,  
  
"Ack! No, stop!" Shuichi screamed, trying to wriggle playfully from Yuki's hold.   
  
"How about we just stay like this." Yuki suggested, whispering in a husky voice in Shuichi's ear before attacking the boy's midriff again.  
  
Shuichi screeched, then a mischievous glint entered his violet eyes. Wrapping his arms around Yuki's neck, he pulled the man's hand near him and his tongue darted out and traced along the outside of Yuki's ear. The novelist suddenly stiffened, and Shuichi rolled him to the side easily, leaping up and running towards the bedroom.  
  
When Yuki recovered, he leapt up growling and ran after Shuichi. Closing and locking the bedroom door behind him, he walked to the bed, where Shuichi was lounging, eyes closed and arms behind his head, relaxed.   
  
With a predatoral gleam in his gold eyes, Yuki stalked around the bed, eyeing Shuichi almost hungrily. When Shuichi opened one eye to look at what his lover was doing, he was pounced and pinned again. But his time he had no intention of getting up for quite a while. Yuki agreed.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Hm...so it started with angst and then went to pure, OOC-Yuki fluff at the end. Now how did that happen? It was originally going to be angsty beginning and end with a tiny bit of fluff in the middle. Hn. Blame the fluff-muse.  
  
Keep those reviews coming! I think I like this once a week update thing. I will try to keep to a regular update schedule. Don't want to fall back into my old habit of updating once every couple of months. ^_~ So tell me what you thought, review!  
  
My ye olde replies to goodly ye olde reviewers. Ye.   
  
teh tarik: O.o; are you an alien invading my brain? Hmm...or maybe it was just a good guess, a very good guess. ^_^; No more giving out hints to the plot or else I'll have to come after you with a radio antennae and a rubber ducky and slay you mercilessly with the power of my bunny hat! lol, j/k. Don't mind me, I ramble. btw, if you really want to read the manga, there are plenty of places where you can download scanslations of it.  
  
mirai aria: hehe, thanks! ^_^ btw, what's 'Hyne'?  
  
Riyo: *sigh* wish I knew Japanese...hm...best as I can make out, something like 'Honest?' Yep, this is my first Gravi fic. Shh...don't tell anyone, don't wanna scare away any potential readers. ^_~  
  
Phoenix51: Hit the fan it did yes. I liked that phrase, lol. thankies again, glad you like the story still! ^_^  
  
Katie: As I said in my profile and this chapter, just sign up for my notify list. All you need is an e-mail address and two seconds to type it into a little box and it makes life easier for the both of us. ^_^ Glad you like my story though!  
  
Gangsta Videl: lol, your review made me laugh for a good 5 minutes straight. And your last line made sense, at least to me. Hehe, that was great. Strawberry finger cakes? Okay, well, I've always thought they were strawberry shortcakes, but whatever. Same difference, right? Hehe, maybe I'll hurry with the next chapter just to see what your review for it will be. ^_^;  
  
Gayle: ...you and teh tarik are gonna give away my whole plot!! Must...think...of...more...plot ideas...hehe. ^_^;  
  
theoryofangels: Thanks! ^_^ Glad ya like my fic so much! I feel happy.  
  
GoldenWings: huh? No, I didn't mean that I was glaring at you, lol, never mind. ^_^ I only read the manga too, but I want to see the anime so much! Even though I think the manga's prettier, I still want to see english subs of it.  
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: Well...hopefully this chapter didn't count as too much. Plus, they did make up in the end. ^_^  
  
:): Ooh, that's awesome, how this is actually an exception from what you usually read. Thanks!! Tohma? Cool? Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinions I guess. And maybe Tohma is a little cool. But...he's also evil, lol. Beware, there will be a little Tohma-bashing and Tohma being a bastard in this fic though. Sorry, .  
  
(11 reviews?! For one chapter?! *faints in shock and happiness*) 


	5. B Flat

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami (who seems to project her brainwaves straight into my best friend's head). I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
A/N: This chapter took long enough, so I'll yak once you finish it. For now, I'll let you get on with the fic.  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 5-B flat.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Hiro lounged on a chair, guitar in his lap. Adjusting the strings, he leaned towards the guitar, listening to the tones. Completely oblivious to anything else except his choice instrument, he shook his head a little at a wrong note. A little too sharp.  
  
As he bowed his head towards the guitar even more, his long mahogany colored hair fell over his face, creating a curtain of shimmering brown hair that was breathtaking, at least to the 16-year-old pianist who was currently watching him.  
  
Suguru Fujisaki had known for a long time now that he was in love with Nakano Hiroshi. Of course, when he had just joined the band, he had thought that a relationship between two males was disgusting and wrong, but as he had worked with Hiro and Shuichi, he had realized that the love between Shuichi and the famous novelist he was involved with was as pure as hetero relationships.  
  
But, through working with them for a while, he had also realized that Hiroshi had shown no sign of being anything other than perfectly straight. Unfortunately.   
  
He had assumed from Hiro and Shuichi's easy friendship that they were lovers too, but now he knew that Shuichi's love of his life was Yuki Eiri and Hiro…well, Hiro was going out with a girl. He was taken.  
  
As soon as he had found out about Ayaka, Suguru had tried to forget about Hiro, at least in the new light that he was looking at the guitarist in. The discovery about Hiro's girlfriend came while he had been trying to convince himself that he was straight. But, later, he had accepted both the fact that, yes, he was as straight as a circle, and that Hiro was taken.  
  
Still, love was not something that could be ignored. Suguru's feelings were hidden deep inside the boy's mysterious heart, even though it hurt him to just talk to Hiro without blurting out his deepest secrets. The only advantage of the situation was that if Hiro didn't know he had crush on him, he would never suspect.  
  
Clearing his throat, Suguru stepped into the room. He was greeted with a usual calm, content,  
  
"Hey, what's up?"  
  
"Nothing much. How are you, Hiro?" Suguru inwardly winced at his own formality. He hated pretending to be nothing more than an acquaintance to Hiro, even though that was reality to a certain brown-haired young man.  
  
"Fine, I guess. Can't get this note right, though. Can you give me a hand and tell what this is?" playing a note on the guitar, Hiro waited for Suguru's analysis, hoping the musical prodigy could help him.   
  
He had been fiddling with the strings for a while now. Usually Shuichi was the one to help him with this. Even though no one would believe it, Shuichi was a brilliant musician. After all, he did compose all of Bad Luck's songs and most of them were usually scrawled out while half of his brain was on the Nittle Grasper video he was currently watching.  
  
"B flat." Suguru replied promptly, then, deciding to be bold for once, stepped behind Hiro and placed his hands over the other boy's, helping him tune the guitar. The string finally tightened to his satisfaction, the quiet boy backed away and nodded to Hiro.  
  
A little bewildered, Hiro tried the note again and this time it was the right one,  
  
"Thanks," he said with a smile, before his attention was directed back down to the guitar again.  
  
For a few more moments, Suguru watched his love. A bittersweet emotion filled him. While it the tiny bit of contact had been wonderful, as any who has ever felt unrequited love before, Suguru longed for so much more. Finally, unable to take the pleasant torture anymore, he mumbled a parting and left, Hiro's reply lost on his ears.  
  
~*~  
  
Much, much later, Shuichi sat up with a stomach ache. Only after rubbing his eyes of the gunk that had collected in them during his nap and yawning cavernously a few times did he realize that he didn't have a stomach ache. He was just really hungry.  
  
About to get up, he stopped, looking down curiously at the arm slung loosely around his waist. Following it up to a shoulder and then a head, Shuichi gazed lovingly at Yuki, who was still fast asleep in la-la land, blond hair strewn messily over his eyes and on the pillow. He looked like an absolute angel.  
  
Another demanding, loud growl sounded from his stomach and Shuichi groaned before carefully moving the arm so he could get up. Shivering slightly, Shuichi realized he was naked as the day he was born and flushed, even though there was no one around to see him. Even after being Yuki's lover for…well, however long it had been, he was still shy.  
  
Amethyst eyes casting around the room for his pants, he finally spotted them in a corner where most of the clothes had been thrown. Walking over and picking them up, he frowned slightly, knowing that he should get dressed and probably fix something to eat, but all he wanted right then was a hot shower. Sleeping on a bench outside in the rain could really stiffen you up.  
  
Blowing out air that ruffled his pink bangs, Shuichi happily dropped the pants again and went to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. Passing the mirror, he grimaced and stopped to look into it. Carefully touching the left side of his face, Shuichi winced again, both at the pain from that tiny touch and from the purplish tinge the skin was already turning.   
  
He had no doubt that by the next morning, it would be a huge ugly bruise, and since he hadn't bother to get any ice on it, there would probably be even more swelling. Uh oh. K wouldn't be happy about this. Come to think of it, Sakano and Tohma probably wouldn't be either, considering the photo shoots and public appearances scheduled throughout the month leading up to the release of the new album and the concert that launched it.  
  
Moaning hopelessly, Shuichi turned on the water and adjusted it to just the right temperature; a little below scalding, and stepped in.  
  
The hot water really does do something to a tired body and before long, Shuichi felt himself really waking up. Finally, deciding after some time to leave some hot water for Yuki when his lover woke up, Shuichi rinsed off the last of the strawberry kiwi scented body wash and turned off the water, grabbing a little blindly for his towel.  
  
With a towel around his waist, Shuichi left the bathroom, pink hair still dripping wet, and went back to the bedroom to get dressed.  
  
Halfway down the hall, he was stopped by a pair of arms snaking around his damp waist and almost jumped before realizing that it was just Yuki. Instead, he relaxed and sighed, slumping back to lean again the bare, convenient chest.  
  
"Yuki, you weren't supposed to get up. I was gonna make lunch for you." Shuichi whined softly as Yuki leaned down to nuzzle his neck from behind. He loved it when Yuki did that,  
  
"Idiot." Yuki said, but his voice was gentle enough that his lover knew it was meant to be affectionate, "You were supposed to be there when I woke up."  
  
Shuichi 'oh'-ed softly, then murmured a quiet apology and the air became silent, an invisible tension building. Yuki suddenly loosened his hold on Shuichi, trying to turn the boy around in his arms, but he protested,  
  
"Yuki, don't…" Shuichi muttered, flushing slightly because he knew what Yuki wanted and he was pretty sure he knew what Yuki's reaction was going to be,  
  
"Let me see." Yuki said firmly, and Shuichi surrendered, letting himself be turned around. Reluctantly, he raised his bowed head and tried a lopsided grin at Yuki,  
  
"It's…not that bad. It looks worse that it is, it doesn't hurt at all!" he said in a fairly normal, cheerful way. But Shuichi's comments were ignored as Yuki gently held Shuichi's chin to turn the boy's head for a better look. It also served as a way to shut the boy up.  
  
"Don't. It's…not that bad." Shuichi said again, more soberly this time, taking a step backward. Yuki reluctantly released him and ran his fingers through his golden hair wearily,  
  
"I…apologize. I didn't mean to…get so angry…" the apology sounded oddly formal and unlike the Yuki he knew and it made Shuichi wince, which cut off the blond man rather abruptly. Staring down at his hands, Shuichi decided to put a stop to this before it became a big thing,  
  
"It's all right. It's not that big of a deal. Let's just…let it go, okay?" he asked hopefully, his violet eyes gazing up at Yuki comfortingly. The novelist seemed relieved and made a small nodding gesture that looked so much like pathetic puppy that Shuichi couldn't help throwing his arms around his lover's neck and kissing him until he had to come up for air.  
  
"If you do that again, we're going to starve to death because I will drag you off to bed and…" leaning in closely to whisper in Shuichi's ear, Yuki's gold eyes gleamed wickedly as he watched Shuichi quickly flush to the color of a ripe tomato. Turning around, Shuichi tried to glare at his lover's dirty mind, but failed as all the embarrassingly perverted things Yuki had just said to him flowed through his head.  
  
Instead, he settled on whining,  
  
"Yuuukii! We just—" but Shuichi was cut off as he began coughing, "We just—" any attempt to speak was cut off by a loud cough that seemed to echo through the quiet apartment.  
  
Brow furrowing, Yuki silently led his coughing lover to the living room, where he settled Shuichi on the couch and gave him a meaningful look that led Shuichi's gaze to the blanket draped on the back of the couch. Yuki went to the kitchen to get a glass of water for the boy as Shuichi pulled the blanket down with trembling hands to wrap it around his chilled body.  
  
He realized a little belatedly that he hadn't even gotten to go back to the bedroom to put on any clothes yet. Sitting around with only a towel around his waist made the flush which still hadn't completely faded from Shuichi's skin yet flare again.  
  
When Yuki came back with a mug of hot chocolate, Shuichi gave him a grateful look as he carefully took the mug. Managing to stop coughing long enough was tricky and soon, Yuki took the mug back again from Shuichi's hands, realizing his lover was going to scald himself with the hot liquid if he shook any more from his coughs.  
  
Instead, Yuki held the cup to Shuichi's lips and gently tilted it so Shuichi could take a small sip. Suddenly, the singer looked up at Yuki with quickly tearing violet eyes,  
  
"Yuki! You're being so nice! I love you, Yuki." And with that, the boy dove towards Yuki, who only barely managed to keep from spilling the scalding liquid as Shuichi clambered into his lap, blanket still wrapped around his naked form. Shuichi laid his head on Yuki's broad chest happily.  
  
Sighing with frustration, Yuki managed to reach around Shuichi to set the barely drunk hot chocolate on the coffee table. When he straightened again, he realized that Shuichi had fallen asleep. Thinking back to their…activities a little while ago, Yuki marveled at how just that could have tired Shuichi out. It wasn't like they had done much.  
  
Still, his lover looked too peaceful to wake and Yuki stood up, still holding Shuichi in his arms, and carried the boy back to their bed. Yuki decided that a nap would probably do Shuichi some good. It seemed like the boy was coming down with something and Yuki dreaded trying to take care of a sick Shuichi.  
  
Setting the boy down, Yuki turned to leave and got to the door before he thought better of it and went back to pull the covers over Shuichi and the blanket which he, even his sleep, was still clutching. Finally, Yuki left the room, closing the door behind him to the snores already coming from Shuichi and went to his office, pulling his black leather chair close to the desk.  
  
Flipping open his laptop, Yuki waited for it to boot up while he absently tapped his fingers on the box of cigarettes that always rested next to the computer. Tapping the box into a palm, he held the cigarette that slipped out between his lips as he expertly lit it from a lighter he scrounged in one of the desk drawers.  
  
As the nicotine flowed through his body, Yuki breathed out and then double-clicked on the word processor icon, scrolled down, read a few lines of what he had written last, and started to type.  
  
~*~  
  
Oops. Haven't updated for a while, have I now? What's it been...more than 2 months now? Oops. And I told myself I wouldn't do this. Sorry, it's just been one crazy thing after another these past two months and add on top of that writer's block.  
  
But now, I think, I've got a few more chapters figured out, so expect a couple quicker updates...hopefully.  
  
Oh and also...I've been dragged into the world of Gundam Wing yaoi fanfics. Yep. It happens to the best of us and even though I've resisted for about 5 years since I first saw the series...well...-_-;  
  
Okay, well, this was kind of a fluffy, filler chapter. But it does deal a little more with the whole slap issue for those of you who were getting a little ahead of me, lol. Next chapter will have more plot. Yep.  
  
Review Replies:  
  
I love you guys. You're the reason that I write, really. Without you, this story would just rot in a corner of my brain. So, for better or worse, you guys brought it out here into the open. Thanks for your support so far and keep reviewing!  
  
mirai aria: Oooh! FF8? Was that the one with...um...Cloud? Or Squall? Or both? Can't remember, lol. Eh, I like angst, but my fingers decided to go fluff on me. So the chapter had a more or less happy ending, hehe. Um...dunno what fic you're talking about, but I'd like to read it if you can get me the link to it! Future chapters? Nuh uh, can't tell ya, that'd be giving away the plot!! But, no, it's a lot longer than this. This is barely the intro. -_-; same here. Must finish series fanfic, lol.  
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: ...hehehe...yep, won't last long. Angst, angst, and more angst to come. And a little fluff, I guess. This is part romance fic, isn't it? lol, anyway, keep reading and reviewing!   
  
mastu shindou: Nice smilie, hehe. lol, glad you like my fic, thanks!  
  
:) : lemon...? Uh...*blush* We'll see. That might have to be posted somewhere else though, because I'm not giving ff.net any excuse to kick my fic off. Post faster? -_-; Well, I'll try. ^_^ *steals happy face flag* Mine! Hehe...  
  
Gangsta Videl: Cookie! *grabs and starts munching* Yum... Glad you're still sticking with me. Keep reading, keep reviewing, stay away from twinkies, and drive safe. ^_^;  
  
ShadowdancerNeko: glad ya like it! Thanks for the review and keep em coming.  
  
Anime Writer2: I was gonna do the whole slap thing this chapter...you're getting ahead of me, lol. eh...I'll try to go back to weekly updates...we'll see. ^_^ You're welcome.  
  
NemKess: yep, now and then...but I think this is about enough for now. My need to torture these chars is bugging me.  
  
gokusgal (goldenkinkogirl@hotmail.com): Ooh cool! Don't think I've ever made anyone cry before! Hehehe...don't worry, already working on chapter 6...  
  
GoldenWings: Hehe, yep, I'm not abandonning this now, although I might neglect it for long periods of time. -_-; I'll try not to to, though. Oh and...prepare for angst. *evil laughter*  
  
Ryu-sama05: thanks, wow, glad you like it!  
  
teh tarik (sleepless_beautyryuichi@kumagorou.zzn.com): You have the best e-mail, lol. Okay, my turn to cower? Um...I'm guessing this wasn't soon enough...? I'll update sooner! Eep. *cowers*  
  
Joanna: Best? No, not best, probably. I'm glad you like it so much, though.  
  
Joanna: Okay, well, I'll keep writing so you can keep reading then. Make sure to review too, lol  
  
Joanna: Thanks, it's just my first Gravi fanfic though, lol  
  
Joanna: hehe, aren't cliffhangers great? Don't you just love them?  
  
Gayle: Isn't fluff great? I like angst a lot though...so enjoy the fluff while you can. *manical laughter* Read disclaimer. I live to torture these characters.  
  
AISH a.k.a. Kitty in the Box: nah, not sado/masochist fic. I don't think I could write one of those, actually. Eh, but you caught me. ^_^; I kind of rushed to get chapter 4 out and the whole slap wasn't really in my outline. I just sort of threw it in there at the last minute. I'll work to do better though, thanks so much for the advice/constructive criticism. It was really helpful. ^_^ Hope you keep reading, though!  
  
Happy Hippi: Hehe, thanks! I've read plenty of fanfics though, lol.  
  
firedraygon97: All will be revealed later...keep reading and reviewing! ^_^  
  
OMG! That's the most reviews I've ever gotten for a single update, I think. Wow! Okay...let's see if this chapter can beat it! Review!  
  
btw...two little notes, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this whole Suguru and Hiro thing. We'll see. Any input is welcome. But it must be yaoi. I'm sorry, but I can't stand Ayaka and I would not be able to write Hiro/Ayaka. -_-; And for the second note, you might be wondering about the title of this chapter? Well, it was just a random note. Nothing more to it. ^_^; 


	6. Disillusionment Part 1

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami (who seems to project her brainwaves straight into my best friend's head). I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
A/N: Little warning here, there's a pretty bad cliffie so if you detest cliffies, wait a week or so until ch. 7 comes out so you won't be on the edge of your seat for a week. ^_~   
  
Dedication: lol, why not? I'm feeling crazy. I dedicate this chapter to Duo (my friend nicknamed Duo) because he's my honey and my Gare Bear! (who can help but love a guy who lets you call him 'Gare Bear'??) ^_~  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 6-Disillusionment (Part 1)  
  
Chapter 6  
  
The next morning, Shuichi woke up feeling incredibly tired. Yawning, he glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table, squinting at the brightness of the bright red numbers to his eyes which were still unused to the light.  
  
Surprisingly, he wasn't late yet.  
  
Yawning cavernously, he stretched, reaching his hands way up and trying to shake the sleepiness from his head. This was strange. Usually he woke up fairly quickly once he was fully conscious, but today…  
  
Attributing it to the emotional ups and downs of the previous day, not to mention the exercise in bed, the boy swung his bare legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand up.  
  
He immediately collapsed back onto the bed feeling as if the floor was literally giving way under his feet. Giving his pink-haired head another shake, this time a little less vigorous since it was starting to hurt a little, Shuichi tried to get up again, this time much more slowly.  
  
Managing to keep his balance this time, Shuichi stumbled across the bedroom and into the hall to the bathroom, where he, as quickly as he could, locked the door with an echoing click. Finally not able to ignore the spinning anymore, the boy collapsed on the floor, propped up against the door with his face buried in his hands.  
  
'Wh-what's…'  
  
After a few more minutes of getting himself back together, Shuichi went to turn on the shower and quickly stepped in, hoping the rush of hot water would help soothe his muscles or his head, or whatever was bothering him so much.  
  
It helped a little and Shuichi also felt himself waking up some more. Slowly squeezing a little puddle of scented shampoo into his palm, he lathered his head quickly and began to rinse it, hurrying up since even though he had gotten up earlier than normal, chances were that his little breaks would put him behind schedule as normal. Even though there wasn't really a schedule.  
  
Twisting the knobs condensed with drops of water, Shuichi wrapped himself in Yuki's luxurious, heavy robe. It was a habit from way back during his days of first becoming Yuki's lover. Although the blond hated it, since the robe would be soaked afterwards and would have to go through a few cycles of the dryer before it completely dried.  
  
But Shuichi didn't really care this morning. The verbal abuse he would get was well worth the warmth and comfort now. Blow-drying short pink hair and running a brush through it, Shuichi quickly got ready.  
  
Once done, he sneaked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom where he hastily put together an outfit for the day comprised of grey slacks and a black turtleneck he had gotten specially to match the one that Yuki had. It was different from his usual bright, colorful, and crazy clothes. But for some reason, the strange feeling still hadn't completely melted away yet, and Shuichi didn't really want to play the dancing fool today.  
  
Passing the kitchen, he grabbed a slice of toast off of a plate on the kitchen table that Yuki had apparently left out. Sticking it in his mouth to grab his bag, Shuichi smiled around the bread, pleased at Yuki's thoughtfulness.  
  
With a quick shout to Yuki's closed study door, Shuichi yanked the door open and ran out, having caught a glance at the clock on the wall which informed him that he was already twenty minutes late.  
  
He dashed down the stairs and for a few minutes, winding past people on the crowded sidewalks, glad that none of them seemed to recognize him, because he had forgotten his usual sunglasses and hat. But Shuichi quickly became out of breath and found that he was heaving to even catch his breath.  
  
Pausing in a shadowed alley, he rested against the wall, a hand on his chest. He started coughing again like he had when he was drinking the hot chocolate. Bent almost double, the hacking coughs burned his lungs and he was soon wheezing again for breath.  
  
But that passed too after a little while, so Shuichi left the alley, pulling the neck of his turtleneck up a little in an attempt to hide his face. This time he walked, resigning himself to being yelled at by his manager, his bandmates, his producer, and just about everyone from Tohma to Sumisu, Tohma's secretary who was obsessed with the so called 'evil coolness' of the blond.  
  
Now barely shuffling along, Shuichi kicked at a random stone on the ground. Getting to a small bridge, he kicked the stone halfway across that, then stopped and stared down into the dark, swirling river below. He kicked the stone into the river and kept walking.  
  
Finally getting to the revolving door of NG studios, Shuichi patiently waited in his little section of it instead of shoving through the regular doors on the sides and sprinting off like he usually did. With a little nod at the secretary and guard sitting at the semi-circle desk, he went to the silver elevator to the right and pushed the up button, watching it light up.  
  
The sound of cables and gears moving in the elevator shaft reached Shuichi's ears and he concentrated on that, firmly ignoring the gossiping whispers the secretary and guard were exchanging while he wasn't looking. As if he needed to be staring straight at them to catch wisps of their conversation.   
  
"Shindou"—"Bad Luck"—"Strange"—"Pale"—"Don't know wh…"—"Yeah, Seguchi…"—"heard that he…"  
  
Those few short words were all Shuichi needed and he coolly brushed them off, calmly stepping into the elevator without even looking back at the pair. But once inside the silver room and the doors had closed, Shuichi leaned heavily against one of the walls, briskly running his face with both hands. He was so frustrated at the constant gossiping. His life spread all over tabloids for the whole world to analyze, to dismiss, to make fun off. Which they did.  
  
Too soon, the elevator 'ding'-ed and the doors popped open to Bad Luck's floor. His pack seeming incredibly heavy now, Shuichi headed towards the studio, eager to drop into one of the more comfortable chairs. He had it all picked out, the one next to the window and almost hidden behind the huge plant…  
  
"Where have you been?" with the combination of that heavily accented Japanese and the cold metal pressed into the back of his neck, Shuichi stuck both hands into the air and froze,  
  
"Um…" It was sounded like a feeble defense, even to himself,  
  
"Not good enough." There was silence.  
  
"Did you get the last song done?" More silence. Then there came the metallic sound of a gun's safety being turned off,  
  
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just shoot you." The American's voice sounded a little strained as if he was just barely reining his anger. Shuichi winced and squeezed his amethyst eyes shut, hands fisting,  
  
"K! No! You can't shoot him, let him finish the songs, then kill him!" A dark blur came out of one of the hall streaking towards the long-haired blond. Sakano's hands grabbed the gun, except K's finger was still stuck on the trigger and he ended up pulling K's hand along with the gun to his chest.  
  
But K, realizing quickly that the safety was off, swore loudly in English and aimed the gun away from the eccentric producer.  
  
It went off.  
  
~*~  
  
Eep. Don't hurt me. Wow, that was kinda a bad cliffhanger, wasn't it? lol, ^_^; Sorry, but Part 1 of chapter Disillusionment had to end here. And plus...I was feeling hyper and happy and evil. ^_^  
  
Why am I happy? Well, let's just say Duo and LOTR and leave it at that...^_~ By the way, if you're a LOTR and a yaoi/slash fan, there are a whole bunch of really good Aragorn/Legolas fanfics out there. Well, now you know what I've been up to the past week...^_^;  
  
Anyway. Well, see you all again in about a week! ^_~  
  
Review Replies:  
  
(Can't be forgetting my wonderful reviewers!)  
  
Burned Vamp: .; Shhhhhhh! You're gonna give away my whole carefully thought/planned out plot!! ...am I allowed to gag a reviewer to keep them from reveiling my whole plot?? ^_~ lol, j/k  
  
Black Dios: Gack!! x.x; *dies* Okay, you killed the author. Now, no more chapters. ^_~ (j/k...my ghost will continue to haunt ff.net)  
  
Anna Sartin: well, this is part 1 and probably last bit of real fluff until...part 3? At least. I dunno... And yes, love is a rocky road...*sigh* hey, that reminds of ice cream...yum...  
  
god_damned (god_damned@sanzo.zzn.com): Well, my way of thinking: Suguru around these hot gay guys all the time? He's gotta bend sooner or later. So he is. Or at least in my fic where I am god...goddess. whatever. ^_~  
  
Pato San: Make it happen? Okay, I guess. I don't have any flames about Suguru/Hiro yet, so I think I'll keep going with that. But yes, *evil laugh* Suguru must suffer, of course!  
  
:): Smiley face person!!! Give you happy face flag? ...hm...nah! *hugs flag* My preciousss....(whoa, way too much LOTR) lol, yep, I LOVE GW! You have to give me your e-mail sometime so I have someone to rant with about Gundam Wing AND Gravitation, lol. ^_^  
  
firedraygon97: lol, just have Suguru randomly leap into Hiro's arms? hehe...I should consider that...^_~ It would certainly shock Hiro, wouldn't it?  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: lol, thanks! ^_^ This soon enough?  
  
Ooh, lots of comments about the whole Hiro/Suguru thing. Thanks for input, guys. Now...just gotta decide...painful unrequited love? Or happy fluff with the two of them screwing like bunnies? hehehe... 


	7. Disillusionment Part 2

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~ Also, in this chapter, Yukari isn't mine. She's my friend's char that I kind of modified. Instead of a waitress, she's now a nurse, lol.  
  
A/N: Again, a little cliffie. But it's not that bad, I'm sure you'll all be able to figure it out by the end of the chapter.  
  
Dedication: All the people who have me on their Favorites/Author Alert lists. I checked it for the first time today and wow! Thank you all for being so dedicated and great!  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 7-Disillusionment (Part 2)  
  
The high speed bullet from the Magnum flew from the gun with a loud bang. Unable to see where the gun was pointing, K quickly shouted a warning to Shuichi, who was still in the room.  
  
The singer saw K shout, his lips were moving, but the sound of the gun going off drowned out any other noises. As an instinct reaction, he dove down, but just before he landed, there was a sharp pain.  
  
Falling on the ground with a dull thump, the world seemed to slow for a moment. There was only silence. And then the scrambling of bodies and shouting voices meshed together into a single jumble of noise, almost like the roaring of the crowd at a concert.  
  
Slightly dizzy for some reason, Shuichi slowly sat up, propping himself up with one arm while the other one automatically went to his forehead to tuck stray hair behind his ear. It was getting a little long, he really needed to get it cut soon.  
  
But his hand was suddenly grabbed by Hiro in a vice-like clamp. His best friend's face came into his vision, Hiro's forehead creased with worry. Shuichi looked confusedly at the people crowding around him. They were all standing and he was sitting and they loomed over him,  
  
"Hiro? What's the matter?" Shuichi asked in a little voice, now a little nervous as even more people came. Who were all these people and why were they here staring at him?  
  
"Quiet Shu, don't move. K called for an ambulance, you're going to be fine," Hiro said in soothing voice that he had always used to comfort his friend as he carefully brushed pink bangs away from Shuichi's forehead,  
  
"Ow!" Shuichi hissed as Hiro's fingers brushed his skin. The guitarist froze immediately, pulling his fingers away quickly, but not fast enough. Before Hiro could stop him, Shuichi reached up to where the sudden sting had come from. When he touched his head, it stung again and he took his fingers away faster than Hiro had.  
  
The tips were red.  
  
Suddenly, reality came back in a flash. Now Shuichi was aware of the steady pain coming from the wound. And for some reason, he had difficulty holding still. The dizziness was throwing off his balance and Shuichi grabbed onto Hiro's sleeve to keep himself upright.  
  
"Wha…? K's gun went off and there was a loud bang and the bullet… Oh god, Hiro! Was I shot? Am I dying?!" Shuichi now clung to his friend not only for support physically, but also terrified and needing Hiro to reassure him,  
  
"No! You're not dying, Shu. It's just a scratch, don't worry. It's fine, don't worry."  
  
But Shuichi could feel the tickle and warmth of a steady stream of blood coming from the wound. But luckily before he could begin to really panic, there was suddenly loud shouting and the crowd dispersed as a man and a woman carrying a stretcher between them suddenly arrived.  
  
Seeing it, Shuichi left reality again, pushing away hands that were trying to lift him onto the board,  
  
"No, I can walk! I don't need a stretcher!" It was too big an embarrassment to be carried away in a stretcher, even if it was a wound that was spurting blood. Well, at least it seemed that way to the shocked vocalist, whose mind was still trying to keep up with the speed of everything happening around.   
  
But at the hazed, confused moment, Shuichi grabbed onto a shred of something he could understand. That he was not going to carted off. No, not with the huge crowd now gathered around, looking on,  
  
"Shindou-san, please be quiet and cooperate with the paramedics." A light, but firm voice came as a blond man appeared through the crowd. Tohma. The blond had heard the gun shot all the way from his office and had hurried down to see what was the matter.  
  
Biting his lip and then discreetly rolling his eyes, Shuichi allowed them to secure him onto the hard, uncomfortable stretcher and they carried him out of the building to the ambulance double-parked outside with red lights flashing.  
  
Hiro climbed in with him, as Shuichi wasn't willing to let go of his friend.  
  
In the ambulance, Shuichi let Hiro answer questions and talk to the paramedic while his thoughts wandered. At first, he simply looked around the ambulance. He'd never been in one before. In an embarrassing and publicly humiliating way, it was kind of fun.  
  
The smooth driving was relaxing and Shuichi felt his eyelids begin to droop. Hiro, glancing at him at exactly that moment saw Shuichi struggling to stay awake and his eyebrows creased in plain worry. The guitarist tapped the paramedic and muttered something, gesturing to Shuichi and they both stared at the boy for a few moments.  
  
Beginning to squirm, Shuichi turned his head away, but could still feel their stares. It was embarrassing. Attention wandering to his breathing, the boy realized it was shallow. A tickle of a cough formed in his chest, but he surpressed it, not wanting to deal with that now. But the cough was persistant and soon Shuichi erupted into loud, hacking coughs, leaning over the side of the stretcher.  
  
Alarmed, the paramedic quickly turned away from he and Hiro's newly struck up conversation to check on his victim. Hiro also turned to look.  
  
"Shu? Are you okay?" he asked, concerned that the cough was still there even with a whole day's rest,  
  
"Y-yeah, I'm fine." Shuichi replied when he could get the short sentence out between coughs. Alarmed, the paramedic took up a clipboard and scribbled something down, muttering under his breath as he wrote. But he was too quiet for either band member to hear.   
  
Shuichi laid his head back against the lumpy, uncomfortable pillow on the stretcher and closed his eyes, yawing. Hiro stared out of the windows on the doors of the back of the ambulance for the rest of the silent ride.  
  
Before long, they arrived at the hospital and the doors were opened to a scrambling, white coated group of people. Apparently, they had all heard that a big rock star at NG was arriving and wanted some of the fame for saving him. And, of course, it had been said that the NG president was very generous with paying his gratitude.  
  
As Shuichi's stretcher was taken out of the ambulance and rolled into the hospital, Hiro stayed beside his friend trying to shield Shuichi from the growing swarm of reporters.  
  
As they entered the maze of shiny, bright halls that smelled of disinfectant, more and more people broke away from the crowd until finally they reached a set of double doors that even Hiro wasn't allowed to go through.  
  
Running his fingers through his hair, the guitarist found his way, dazed, to a small lobby where K, Tohma, Suguru and a surprisingly conscious and silent Sakano. Sharing a glance with the American, Hiro raised an eyebrow in Sakano's direction but was only met with a small frown.  
  
Sighing, Hiro took a seat between Suguru and a small table, collapsing on the uncomfortable plastic chair. Minutes ticked by. The dust on the fake flowers and the cheap air perfume was irritating everyone, but no one said a word.  
  
After a little while, a redhead nurse peaked into the room, but sensing the tension, she quickly poked her head back out.  
  
Tohma shifted, uncrossing his legs and crossing them the other way.  
  
K tapped his fingers on his knee, staring off into space.  
  
Suguru stared at a spot on the floor, although his eyes would regularily flicker up to each of them in turn before settling back down to the tiles again.  
  
Blowing out a breath that ruffled his bangs, Hiro finally leaned over to grab an ancient magazine from the sidetable next to him. He began to flip through the pages even though he didn't read a single word or look at a single picture.  
  
Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the redhead nurse came back, actually coming into the room this time. She cleared her throat nervously, looking around at all the silent men,  
  
"Uh…are you all with Shindou Shuichi?"  
  
Dropping his magazine back on the table, Hiro looked around. No one but himself seemed to have even noticed the nurse. Then again, her voice was pretty quiet and meek,  
  
"Yeah," he replied, flashing the nurse a little smile. She breathed an audible sigh of relief and brightened considerably at finding that these people weren't just dead zombies,  
  
"Well, I'm sure you'll all be glad to know that he's fine. It was just a small scratch and the doctor is just stitching it back up. You can go see him if you'd like…?" she offered, returning Hiro's smile,  
  
"Uh, sure." Hiro said, looking around at the others. Tohma seemed to be preoccupied with something on his mind while K still didn't seem to have noticed anything going on around him. On the other hand, Suguru was now looking up at them and he nodded and stood up.  
  
The two other members of Bad Luck followed the nurse, this time not to the double doors but down a nearby hall. The whole way, the redhead chattered, not caring that neither of them were saying anything back. Her name was Yukari, she had been working at the hospital for a year and a half. She was a big fan of Bad Luck and they were the most awesome band ever. And Shuichi was such a cutie!   
  
Eventually, they turned into one of the large rooms of the hall and Yukari led the way in to a curtained area at the end of the room where Shuichi was sitting on a bed, dressed in a hospital gown and his face flushed a bright tomato red.  
  
At seeing his friends, he tried to jump up to hug them, but the nurse began bustling around, doing her job. And of course, the added bonus of touching Shindou Shuichi's chest, albeit through thin fabric, had nothing to do with her enthusiastic approach to gently pushing him back onto the bed,  
  
"Shindou-san, you're going to tear your stitches out and we're going to have to sew you back up again. Now, just stay here while I go check on your x-ray." Having arranged the pillows to her satisfaction, she left the room with a quick wink to Hiro and a small blush.  
  
When Yukari's high heels finally clicked away, fading as she headed down the hall, Hiro looked at Shuichi and sat down on the bed next to his friend, opening his arms. Accepting the offer with enthusiasm, the pink-haired boy threw himself at his friend. Hiro simply alternated between patting and rubbing the singer's back comfortingly.  
  
Suguru, who had been silent the whole time, now shifted on his feet incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment. But if he left now, it would just alert the pair to his presence and wasn't that even worse?  
  
Biting his lip, the boy looked down at his feet, deciding that it'd just have to do. He wanted to give Shuichi as much privacy as he could at the moment. But also…he really didn't want to be here right now. His heart ached again, almost as bad as it had the previous day.  
  
He was jealous. Not the detesting, hating jealously that springs up and blackens hearts, but the sad, longing for something that can never be. It was so much worse than hateful jealously, because at least with hatred, there's determination. The empty, resigned feeling was filled with too much hopelessness and harsh reality.  
  
He'd never have what Shuichi had with Hiro. He'd never had what Ayaka had with Hiro. To the brunette, he was a casual friend and that was all. Hiro had never hinted at anything more than that, even extended friendship and of course, him being the quiet, reserved Suguru had never let on anything either.   
  
Just when he had decided that he was going to try to leave, the door creaked open and the nurse from before came in, this time looking much more sober than the happy-go-lucky, hyper girl they had seen just a few moments ago. In one of her hands, she held an x-ray. In the other was a crumpled up wad of tissue that she quickly discarded upon entering the room.  
  
Noticing the two young men that were still hugging, she stopped and looked like she was about to burst into tears but surprisingly was able to hold most of it in. Only a loud sniff escaped her, but it was enough to have Shuichi quickly scampering away from Hiro, looking incredibly embarrassed and flushed even brighter.  
  
Without looking up at anyone, the nurse walked over to a white panel on the wall opposite the bed and slid the x-ray onto it, fastening it with clips on the top. Flipping a small switch on the side, the panel lit up, illuminating the x-ray.  
  
It was chest x-ray. A rib cage, spine, and arms could be seen. Wordlessly, she gestured to a whitish smudge in the right side of the ribcage. Three pairs of eyes looked at her, confused. Now, Yukari began sobbing, and brought a hand up to cover her mouth and nose.   
  
In a choking voice, she informed them of what it meant,  
  
~*~  
  
Hm...I don't think the whole once-a-week update thing is going to work out for me. This chapter took a while because I had to research a little and write it without it sounding...stupid. And I'm not sure how well I did with that. Dialog doesn't like me.  
  
But this time, seriously, it'll take a lot less than 3 weeks to update. Why? Well, the next chapter, I've been working on for...a LONG time now. It's already half written. It'll be the big 'disillusionment' thing. Part 3. Stay tuned.  
  
btw, sign up for my mailing list! I've started doing little sneak peaks of what's coming next in the messages I'm sending out so sign up if you don't want to miss that!  
  
One last little comment that I'd just like to put in even though no one reading this will understand it and the one person in the world who would understand isn't reading this and that's why I'm putting it on here,  
  
"Aishiteru, Yuki!"  
  
(sorry, that was confusing. lol, well, just ignore silly ole me)  
  
Review Replies:  
  
Burned Vamp: Enthusiastic, are we? Well, don't get too eager. No NC-17 fics on ff.net, remember? *sigh* Oh well! I'll just have to post it at mediaminer or something! hehe  
  
Black Dios: X.x; I'm dead. Now you're gonna have all my readers out to kill you for killing me because a dead person can't write fanfics. lol, just kidding. Hehe, wow, your reviews make me laugh, keep reviewing!  
  
Rachie Poo: Well, I'll try not to make it too depressing for you. I love angst, but it's hard for me to write. Just bear with me and we'll see what happens later, okay? ^_^  
  
KittyKitty: Bandwagon? My fic's a bandwagon?? Cool! Well, the fic has been pretty cute so far, so no, I'm not offended. Maybe you just saw it because I changed the summary. I had a pretty crappy summary before. I understand your flame, lol, don't worry YukiXshu-chan is gonna be number 1 in this fic, but I like having little side plots. Just skip over them if you want.  
  
:): Okay, I understand. hehe, well, 3 weeks is still an improvement on 2 months, right? ^_^; I'll try to post faster...  
  
CassiToTheStars: Thanks, I really appreciate that.  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: Thank you! lol, cliffhangers are fun, aren't they?  
  
Pato San: Eep! No, can't tell any more of my plot! Gr...and I can't kill you to silence you either because I'm waiting for you to write more of War of Hearts!! (btw, new chapter was awesome! Write a Valentine's special, please???) ^_^; hm, we think alike. What's point of pure fluff, right? Suffering makes the fluff at the end all the more better. hehehe...and then again, the angst is awesome too.  
  
firedraygon97: Bunnies? Oh! lol, right, the bunnies...hehe, well, we'll see. Keep reading and reviewing!  
  
AISH a.k.a. Kitty in the Box: lol, wow! Praise for my first bath scene, hehe. That makes me feel special. Thank you. Sakano get shot? Nah, I actually kind of like him, he's an fun char, nice and easy to write. Kinda cute too. Nah, don't think I'll kill off. I still don't know what's gonna happen between Hiro and Suguru yet. I'll just keep plodding along. Feel free to tell me when/if it gets stupid, I'm counting on you for that! lol  
  
kawaiidark: Thanks, glad you like it in spite of the cliffies, but hey, keeps ya reading, doesn't it? ^_~  
  
Krisskittie: I checked out that LOTR site you gave me...*glomps* Thanks so much! You're right, wow, it had tons of fics, I loved it! lol, okay, typing! Got half of chapter 8 done already. Much yummy fluff in next chapter!  
  
GoldenWings: Aww, your reviews got deleted? That sucks...ff.net is dumb like that sometimes. Well, just review twice as much just for revenge, hehe. ^_~  
  
(Oh my bleeping gods. You guys are awesome, I can't believe how many reviews I'm getting! Wow, keep them coming, I love every single one of them!) 


	8. Disillusionment Part 3

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~ Also, in this chapter, Yukari isn't mine. She's my friend's char that I kind of modified. Instead of a waitress, she's now a nurse, lol. Although, Miyaka is my char, so no using her without my permission. She's one of my favorite chars.  
  
A/N: Oops, big cliffie this time. Sorry all. Well, at least the tiger is let out of the bag (it's too big to be called just a cat)  
  
Dedication: KrissKittie and Burned Vamp. Kriss for writing me a monster review and giving me an a link to an awesome LOTR fanfic archive. And Burned Vamp for always making me laugh with their reviews. 'Bad Yuki, go to my room!' lol, that was great!  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 8-Disillusionment (Part 3)  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Shuichi blinked up at the nurse, who looked so contradicting at the moment. He noticed her hair, a pink color that was a few shades lighter than his own and her large, bright eyes that should have been twinkling with laughter. They looked like they usually were. But now they were shimmering with tears. How could one who looked so cheerful be so sad?  
  
It wasn't right.  
  
And then he realized that that was how he looked. His usual cheerfulness marred by a completely emotionless expression. Blank.  
  
Then all of a sudden, Shuichi inner thoughts were broken as Hiro began to yell at the terrified nurse. His words were irrelevant, but the anger in his tone made her slowly back away and she quickly left the room, tremblingly pushing the door close behind her, leaving Shuichi and his best friend alone to digest the news.  
  
Hiro had abruptly become silent after Yukari left. He was staring at the vase of dusty cloth flowers on Shuichi's bedside table as if he couldn't bear to look directly at his friend. But then again, Shuichi wasn't very intent on meeting Hiro's eyes at the moment either. Neither spoke.  
  
The loud clatter of the door opening and the rubber shoes that squeaked in on the white tile floors alarmed both of them while they tried to summon the courage to speak. A doctor entered. Unlike Yukari, she was indifferent, cold, and precise. Her entire manner down to the thin wire glasses and short-cropped black hair matched the aura of a hospital completely.  
  
Adjusting her glasses in a tiny display of the smallest trace of nervousness, she walked over to them, sifting through the papers on the clipboard she held easily in the crook of one arm.  
  
Shuichi and Hiro waited for a few moments as she silently browsed through some documents until she finally looked up, her startling warm brown eyes going from one to the other,  
  
"I'm Dr. Kobayashi Miyaka, and I presume you are Shindou Shuichi?" At a blank blink from the singer, she turned to Hiro with a little smile,  
  
"And you are Nakano Hiroshi?"  
  
Hiro started, not expecting her to know his name. He nodded, then,  
  
"Yeah, I am."  
  
The doctor smiled again, holding out her free hand for a handshake. First to Shuichi, then to Hiro,  
  
"My daughters are big fans of Bad Luck." She explained with one last smile at the pair, who relaxed slightly. Then, she became the down-to-business woman who had walked into the room and tonelessly explained Shuichi's condition to the speechless duo,  
  
"Shindou-san, as you can see on the x-ray and as Yukari has told you, you have lung cancer." She paused, indicating the x-ray that the nurse had brought in earlier,  
  
"Since all the blood in the body travels through the lungs in the oxygenation process, by the time lung cancer can be detected, the disease has already spread in fifteen to thirty percent of cases. By the time it can be detected on x-ray, the cancer cells have most likely already entered the bloodstream and traveled to other parts of the body…as in your case." A slight pause again as she looked over her glasses at the young boy who was seemingly calmly digesting the news,  
  
"The survival rate is usually twelve percent," another pause, "however, in your case…"  
  
Finally, she stopped and swallowed, showing signs of the weakening of her impassiveness,  
  
"Although there is a slight chance that chemotherapy will…kill the cancer…" her brown eyes met Shuichi's surprisingly dry violet ones and she realized that he understood fully, "the chance is very small and you should probably take some time to consider the benefits of a delay versus the side effects of chemotherapy." She finally finished her speech and took a few deep breaths as she waited for Shuichi's long-haired friend to finish thinking. It seemed to take him a lot longer to come to terms with this.  
  
Trying to take their minds off the depressing new information, she switched topics,  
  
"I would suggest giving up smoking, Shindou-san. Although it won't do much, it will still help a little."  
  
At that, Hiro suddenly stood up, clutching his coat with white knuckles. With an obviously forced smile at the doctor and a curt nod, he murmured a quick 'thank you' and 'goodbye' and taking Shuichi's wrist, gently but firmly tugged his friend to the door.  
  
Shuichi got up, confused at Hiro's rush to leave, but decided to just go without argument and waved goodbye to the doctor, grabbing his clothes. They stopped at a bathroom so Shuichi could change from the flimsy hospital gown into his normal clothes. The black turtleneck and grey pants seemed depressingly fitting now.   
  
As they wound through the hallways, Shuichi didn't see Yukari even though he was searching for a glimpse of pink hair.   
  
Slightly disappointed, the boy slid onto Hiro's bike behind his friend and wrapped his arms around Hiro's warm waist as they took off away from the hospital with Hiro driving at a breakneck speed like always.  
  
After a little bit, the pop star noticed they were heading to Hiro's house and protested, yelling over the noise of the motorcycle engine to his friend,  
  
"Hey Hiro? Why are we going to your apartment?" he was met with silence and squeezed his arms tighter around Hiro's waist to get his attention,  
  
"Hiro?" finally, he received a strained reply,  
  
"You're not going back to live with that-that bastard." Hiro finally ground out, his barely controlled irritation obvious even over the noise of the bike. Shuichi was stunned speechless. He had always had a feeling that Hiro didn't completely approve of Yuki. Especially since everything the blond man hurt his friend, he was left to put Shuichi back together only for another fall.  
  
Biting his lip, Shuichi tried to put some authority into his voice,  
  
"Hiro, I'm living with Yuki," he paused, chewing on his lip a little more before he ventured ahead, a little more cautiously this time, "That's final. And, I-I don't see why you won't let me."  
  
The only sound was the motorcycle and the clamber of the busy city around them as Hiro swerved around some slow moving cars a little too quickly,  
  
"Shuichi, you're not living with him anymore. Do I make myself clear?" There was finality in Hiro's usually mild voice and it annoyed Shuichi. He hated being told what to do and it irked him that Hiro was being so dominating even though he was his best friend,  
  
"Stop the bike, Hiro," Shuichi said, releasing his hold around his friend's waist, "Stop!"  
  
Sighing impatiently, Hiro glanced over his shoulder behind them a couple of times before crossing the street and pulling in between two parked cars. Stopping his bike, he took his helmet off and shook his long hair out a little before glaring at Shuichi, who had opened his mouth to protest,  
  
"Shuichi, this is all his fault. You heard what that doctor said yourself. I know for a fact that there's no way in hell you smoke." He stared into Shuichi violet eyes, since the other boy had taken his stuffy helmet off too and was now cradling it in his arms, picking at the strap,  
  
"Hiro…it's not really all Yuki's fault…" Shuichi drifted off, trying to put up a good argument while not thinking too much about his…condition. It was the only way that he had even lasted the trip from the hospital so far without breaking out into tears or fainting or something. It seemed so…unreal. He was only 19. How could…  
  
Seeing Shuichi pale considerably, Hiro's anger started to simmer down a little and he pulled his friend into a gentle hug again. But then Shuichi spoke up, surprising the guitarist with his courage,  
  
"No. Hiro, I'm going to Yu--…I'm going home. Take me home, please?" staring up into Hiro's brown eyes in his friend's arms, Shuichi pleaded with his own amethyst ones, hoping that Hiro would do it. He couldn't explain why he wanted to go to Yuki's. He wasn't sure himself. But for some reason, he felt the need to be home. And since home was where the heart lies, he would go to his heart: Yuki.  
  
Struggling with whether to allow Shuichi to go back to that bastard or forcefully taking his friend to his own apartment, Hiro released Shuichi and stood back a little to think. Finally, he set his helmet over his head again and jerked his head towards the bike. His voice was a little muffled by the helmet, but it seemed strained,  
  
"C'mon. I'll take you there."  
  
Smiling for the first time in a couple of hours, Shuichi eagerly leapt on the bike behind Hiro, his arms wrapping around the brown-haired man's waist again and his head leaned on Hiro's strong back,  
  
"Thanks…" he murmured to his best friend as they took off into traffic again.  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile, the blond sat in his car impatiently, his left arm resting on the car door where the window was rolled down all the way. Not that he actually rolled it down. Power windows on a Mercedes, of course. A cool breeze came in that ruffled through his golden strands lightly.  
  
It was a pleasant fall day. Not hot, not cold. Nice amount of sunshine and nice humidity too. It was much dryer than the stifling summer heat, which was good. But even with the near perfect fall weather, Yuki glared at the little red car in front of him as if the whole traffic jam was its fault. The fine weather went unnoticed.  
  
After Shuichi had left, Yuki had gone out intending to make a quick cigarette trip. He had gotten to the store uneventfully but now traffic was at a standstill and he was trapped in a crowd of cars stretching far down each side of him. For some reason, Yuki felt claustrophobic. Then again, he always felt claustrophobic easily.  
  
Rolling his eyes at a crazy guy who had started honking, Yuki reached to turn on the radio for lack of anything better to do. It was just finishing up some random new girly pop hit and Yuki quirked an eyebrow at the radio as a hyper teenage girl announcer came on, rambling about the song.  
  
About to turn it off, he heard the opening notes of an upbeat song and hesitated, getting an incredibly familiar feeling from it. Yuki was distracted from the song as he tried to figure it out. But then the most beautiful, sweetest voice began singing and his attention was immediately drawn back to the music now flowing out of his car speakers. And he was glad he had such good speakers.  
  
Turning the sound up even more, he listened to the young man sing. The lyrics faded away and it was just that voice. With a little smirk, he thought about his young lover and Shuichi's voice. That one concert he had been to…well, the 'Yuki's mine!' had been sweet but the singing was mediocre.  
  
Now, if Shuichi had this person's voice instead of the amateur one he had…well, then Yuki might give him some of the credit he wanted so much from his love. But he doubted dear Shu-chan could ever sound like him. Whoever the person was.  
  
Lost in the music, Yuki jerked when he heard the soft roar of a motorcycle steadily increase and it came closer. It was coming from behind. The serenity from the song had been broken and Yuki glared around to try and find this motorcycle that was zipping through traffic while he was stuck.  
  
As it sped past him, Yuki almost swore he had seen a flash of pink hair…'The brat?'  
  
As Yuki watched the motorcycle turn off on his street, the song sung by the angel on the radio was interrupted by a scratchy-voiced old man and Yuki winced, wanting his vocalist back,  
  
"Moments ago at NG Corporation, President Seguchi Tohma declared the gunshot heard by passersbys hours ago did indeed come from the building. A gun belonging to a manager accidentally went off,"  
  
Yuki's eyes widened, as his mind showed him a picture of a long, blond-haired man who visited his apartment in the morning to drag Shuichi off when he was particularly late. But…it couldn't possibly have been Shuichi. No. Not with a whole building full of people. No chance it was,  
  
"Shindou Shuichi, vocalist of the hot new band Bad Luck, was taken by ambulance from the building. Witnesses say that he was motionless on the stretcher as paramedics carried him off."  
  
Yuki sat unblinking as his cigarette he had been fumbling with dropped into his lap. Good thing he hadn't lit it yet. He was stunned. No, more than stunned considering he had just spent the last couple of moments reassuring himself that the boy was alright,  
  
"Shit." He said as he looked around at the crowd of cars all still around him, trapping him. But his street, the one the motorcycle had turned down. He had reached it.  
  
Cutting through the gas station on the corner, he sped down the road and pulled into the garage at breakneck speed. Stopping, Yuki quickly jumped out, locked the car and was running to the stairs when he stopped, receiving a second shock.  
  
It was Hiro's bike. Fumbling for another cigarette, needing the calming, numbing nicotine, he headed towards the elevator. In the elevator, he lit his cigarette while glaring at the terrified new elevator boy in a challenge to protest. The boy stayed silent and quickly looked away.  
  
As the doors dinged open, Yuki stepped out, much to the relief of the poor elevator boy.  
  
But as soon as he stepped out of the elevator, Yuki could hear banging and the yells of Hiro from down the hall. Raising an eyebrow as he brought his cigarette to his lips again, the blond walked towards the guitarist, who hadn't even noticed the owner of the apartment who's door he was trying to bang down was there,  
  
"Damnit Shuichi, open this frickin' door! Shuichi! Can you hear me?! Let me in!" pausing, Hiro rammed his shoulder into the door a few more times before trying again, "Shuichi, open the door!"  
  
"What are you doing?" Yuki asked calmly, his previous nervousness all repressed with the help of his cigarette as he stared down with piercing cat-like gold eyes down at the young man who didn't stop trying to break down his door.  
  
But slowly, Hiro stopped and turned to face Yuki, his body visibly trembling. He wanted to punch the bastard so much for Shuichi. But also for Shuichi, he needed his help. And he wouldn't get it if Yuki was unconscious,  
  
"Open the damn door!" Hiro growled out as civilly as he could manage,  
  
Arching an eyebrow, Yuki silently brushed past Hiro, hiding his relief that Shuichi had to be okay if they released him from the hospital. Taking out his key, Yuki swiftly unlocked the door and looked around the peaceful apartment. It was silent. Hiro pushed past him, looking into rooms in a whirlwind.  
  
As he disappeared down the hall, Yuki followed. Suddenly, he heard a strange noise, something like a strangled yell or …sob?  
  
The bathroom door was open and Yuki could hear water running. Stepping into the doorway, Yuki's heart stopped as he took in the horrible scene in front of him and everything froze.  
  
~*~  
  
Ooh, I love that last part where 'everything froze'. I meant that both ways, in that time seemed to stand still and everything was cold.  
  
Anyway, the next chapter might be somewhat...hm, how should I say this? Well, it won't be everyone's cup of tea. Although most of you can probably already guess what's gonna happen, right? Well, I planned out a whole bunch more during boring ole math today, so it'll be fun!  
  
By the way, the song Yuki was listening to on the radio?? Who do ya think it is?? ^_~ Pretty obvious  
  
REVIEWS:  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: Hehe, well, this chapter's longer! Hope that makes up for it a little. ^_^  
  
Pato San: T-T Sorry about making you feel bad... Hm...what will Yuki do? lol, I'll have to ask him later!  
  
Shaynie: Nevermind, inside joke thing, lol. Omi? Um...isn't that from Weiss Kreuz or something? I dunno. Well, the whole Yuki-smoking-getting-lung-cancer thing is predictable, since he smokes. But one boring day in math class, I started wondering what'd happen if it wasn't Yuki but Shuichi...and this fic came from that! ^_^; And the Hiro/Suguru thing will be random. This fic is YuShu centric, but I like little sideplots. I'm not really used to the pairing either, lol. I just have fun with it!  
  
izumi: Well...read and find out! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing  
  
fweek: Nuh uh! That's not the most evil cliffie. ^_~ This one is. Do you agree? hehe  
  
hwangsara (hwangsara@hotmail.com): Thanks for offering and I'll definitely take you up on that, but I don't have the intention to revolve the fic around that. The main focus will still be Shuichi and Yuki's bumpy relationship, etc. etc. But I'll e-mail ya if I have questions and you can be my advisor for this! ^_^ Thanks  
  
mirai aria: ooh, yay! I'm a sadist too! hehehe, the whole torturing the wonderful Gravi chars thing.... Suguru? Well, it looks like Hiro...^_~   
  
rynn: lol, sure! ^_^  
  
Burned Vamp: wow, rofl! Bad Yuki, go to YOUR room? lol, I like that! *blush* You're putting all sorts of pictures in my head about Hiro and Suguru now! You're gonna be the one to blame if I start writing some of those down! ^_~  
  
kawaiidark: Despite the cliffies, lol. Well, I sometimes get, uh, addicted to doing cliffies. Hehe, but I'm glad the goodness makes up for it! ^_^ Thanks!  
  
firedraygon97: ^_^ Thank you!! I really appreciate that!  
  
Black Dios: eep. he's not gonna die yet!! well, actually I dunno if this'll be a death fic...Im trying not to make it be one!!!  
  
Krisskittie: Yes, slash/yaoi is an addiction for me too. Ooh, I'll bet it's hard to keep up with fics and anime in college. Well, remember your priorities: Manga, anime, then homework. ^_^; I'm kicking Yuki when he's down?? T-T Sorry, don't mean to! ...oh wait, I do mean to! D Hehehe, I'm such a sadistical author! I wanna buy the anime of Gravi too, but it's only fansubbed right now, I think. I don't know about any real dubs coming out, but if you do let me know! Gravi fanfic sites...well, I'm not that sure. I've been reading them from ff.net or mm.org mostly. Hm, thanks for reminding me, I'm gonna have to bring Tohma back in soon. Maybe next chapter... And I'll try making Yuki give up smoking. But hey, he's his own person. Doesn't like me ordering him around just because I'm the author. lol, well, thanks so much for the HUGE review!! I loved it!  
  
AISH a.k.a. Kitty in the Box: oops, hope I didn't falsely lead you to believe it was going to be Hiro/Shu! I'm sorry, but it's a YuShu ficcy. Hiro's just gonna be a very protective and loving best friend. ^_^  
  
GoldenWings: lol, don't we all love Shu-chan?   
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: Yes, poor Shuichi, I wonder what's gonna happen to him myself? hehe, thanks for reviewing!!  
  
Thanks big time to all my wonderful reviewers!! I read all your reviews many times over and I love them all! Keep reviewing! (little button right down there. You know you wanna review! Come on, you must have SOME commment that you're just dying to make! Tell me! Review!) 


	9. Bleeding

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture. ^_~   
  
A/N: Haha! I'm not dead! And I'm updating again! lol, and no, I did not and will not ever abandon this fic. It just takes me a while to update sometimes.   
  
Warning: Um, this chapter might be offensive to some people and it might disturb others. So read at your own choice and don't read if you don't want to, as always. Um, enjoy? (Oh, and million sorries for the LONG delay!! And I can't even blame it on writer's block! It was just me. Sorry.)  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 9-Bleeding  
  
As he fumbled for keys with shaking hands, Shuichi was gasping as the calmness that denial brought slowly seeped away. Finally finding the right one, it took the trembling boy a few tries to get it into the keyhole that was blurred in his teary vision.  
  
Slamming open the door, Shuichi looked around and registered the silence. Yuki wasn't home. As he dug his shoes off, the boy glanced around the apartment wildly. He needed Yuki. Where was he?  
  
Shuichi began to hiccup, a warning of the sobs that were just about to burst from him. After slamming the door shut behind him, Shuichi's feet guided him through the apartment until he got to the bathroom down the hall from Yuki's room. His mind wandered over tiny things; a coffee stain left on the kitchen counter that was visible from way over by the hall closet from the time where Yuki had 'distracted' Shuichi as he was trying to pour a cup of coffee for his lover.  
  
Locking the bathroom door behind him with a loud, echoing click, Shuichi turned on the sink and listened to the water run for a few minutes until he was sure it would be icy cold.  
  
Ripping the bandage off of his cheek, Shuichi noticed how perfect the still-painful cut looked. It was a thin line starting from the middle of his left cheek and curving up slightly as it moved up to the side of his face until it faded away just a little before it reached his pink hair. Shuichi leaned forward more until his breath was fogging up the mirror as he used his fingertips to lightly trace around his cheek.   
  
There was a slight, almost unnoticeable purple tinge to the skin. Shaking his head slightly, Shuichi's lips curved up the tiniest fraction. He wasn't mad at Yuki for it. If anything, he was glad. Yuki had hit him…but he knew his lover hadn't meant it. Yuki had been so guilty right afterwards that Shuichi knew he had to forgive him. The guilt in those gold eyes had been unbearable, but also proved in a roundabout way that his lover did care for him.  
  
Which was why he couldn't tell Yuki. The blond would be so consumed by guilt if he ever knew about…  
  
Shuichi splashed his face with the freezing water. It seemed soothing. Harshly scrubbing his face, Shuichi avoided looking in the mirror anymore. Finally turning the water off after practically drowning himself in the sink, Shuichi hung onto the rim for a few minutes as his soaked bangs dripped water and his harsh breathing filled the room.   
  
Finally, he grabbed a towel with still shaking fingers and sank down to the cold tile. Burying his face in the soft cloth, the tears finally came. But in contrast to his usual whiney tears, these were silent. Just hot salty water running down in steady streams from blank violet eyes.  
  
'What…what am I going to do…?' the thought trailed off and faded. Trying to make himself think about…it…only made fresh tears spring to his eyes. He had dashed home, wishing only to throw himself into his lover's arms and sob his heart out, but it hadn't it occurred to him that Yuki wouldn't be home.  
  
Loneliness. The bathroom, which was already luxuriantly spacious, seemed huge and Shuichi sat on the ground with his legs drawn up to his chest, the towel on the ground, forgotten.  
  
"Yuki…?" the boy whispered, forgetting that he was alone. Or maybe he was just voicing his longing for the man to come and comfort him,   
  
"Yuki!" Shuichi yelled, eyes squeezed tightly shut. It was all too much. The loneliness, the fear, and the hopeless despair that he was trying unsuccessfully to ward off. They hit too suddenly and to fiercely after the numbness of denial.  
  
Pain suddenly registered. There was a sharp sting on the side of his cheek. Shuichi lifted his fingers to it and felt slippery wetness. Opening his eyes, he stared at his bloody fingers. Slowly standing, he went to the mirror and looked into it.  
  
The wound had opened again and was bleeding profusely. His tears stung it and sharp stabs of pain emanated from the wound. Shuichi winced at a particularly bad sting. Then, an idea slowly dawned on him. Fingers trailed to the cut again, hovering over it but never touching. It was fascinating, the blood and pain coming from the wound. Shuichi's eyes drifted closed peacefully.  
  
It was leaving him? There was so much pain coming from that little wound. Maybe…maybe if there was a bigger one…even more pain would leave him…?  
  
It was a thrilling idea. Part of Shuichi wanted to test it out right away, already convinced that it would work and he'd be able to get rid of all the despair, hopelessness, and pain bottled up inside of him. The other, much smaller part was reasonable. It was scared. He was scared.  
  
Opening his eyes, Shuichi looked around the bathroom. His eyes fell on Yuki's antique, almost ornamental razor. It was polished steel with a handle of rope coiled around the smooth, blunt end. The sharp end was flat and came to a gleaming point.  
  
Shaking fingers crept towards the shiny blade and it seemed like an eternity before they reached the coarse handle. Cautiously laying one finger on it, Shuichi shuddered again and started to pick it up soundlessly. At the last moment, it fell from his hands and clattered back onto the cold, white ceramic sink, falling over the edge and landing on the ground with a noise that seemed to echo.  
  
Shuichi had jumped back from the blade when it fell and now he shrank backwards even more, his back pressed against the wall. But, eventually, he reached a shaking hand back towards the silver razor again.  
  
This time, his right hand wrapped around it firmly.   
  
Sitting cross-legged on the ground with his back against the wall near the sink, Shuichi stared dazedly down at his forearm resting in his lap, the creamy white skin of the underside facing up. He could make out thin, bluish blood vessels at his wrist and on the inside of his elbow. Both were tempting.  
  
But if he wanted a wound that would pour out enough blood, and the pain with it… The silver tip of the blade moved towards his wrist. Shuichi's hand stilled as he laid the flat side of the blade on his skin. It was cold, very cold. He hesitated.   
  
Shuichi's breathing became incredibly harsh and loud. Trying to calm himself, he realized he could hear his own heart beat in his ears.  
  
He was nervous.  
  
This was the first time he had ever tried anything like this. He had heard that it helped from…someone. He couldn't remember. Someone he knew and trusted had told him it helped. And right now, that's what he believed. That it would work. But…how to do it?  
  
Shuichi didn't know if he wanted to die. What if…what if he actually did die like this?  
  
No. No, he didn't want to die just then, of course not.  
  
'Then…what am I doing…?'  
  
A tendril of panic began to seep into his mind and Shuichi considered dropping the blade and rushing out to Yuki's room to roll into a little ball under the warm covers of the large bed to wait for his lover to get home.  
  
But there was no way that Shuichi wanted to go like that. The way that some people who had gotten this dreaded thing went. After being drenched in radiation in an effort to help. And the people who 'survived' but were only half-alive or worse. And stories of people who suffered and suffered only to finally die, which would often turn out to be a blessed end to their final, pain-filled months or even years.  
  
Shuichi didn't want to go like that. Any other way, including this one would be better. And who knows, it might actually help. Even though Shuichi's memories of a when the he had just heard the news, less than an hour before, were a bit blurred, he could definitely recall something about blood. That his blood was infected? Well, if he just got rid of whatever bad stuff was in it…  
  
Reassuring himself that it would work, he gritted his teeth and brought the blade to his wrist. Then, with a slight frown, trailed it up to the crook of his elbow to the pale skin inside. It tickled.  
  
Staring unblinkingly down, the singer's jaw unclenched so he could bite his lip. Squeezing his eyes shut, he indecisively opened them again and focused them straight up at the ceiling instead.  
  
So with his arm cradled in his lap and eyes trained on the ceiling, Shuichi pressed the blade down firmly to make a discreet one inch cut into the crease of his elbow. Gritting his teeth at the sharp pain, Shuichi pressed the blade deeper and forced his eyes to stay on the ceiling even as his gasps of pain were magnified in his ears.  
  
Shifting his sweaty grip on the handle, Shuichi suddenly felt hot liquid flow over his hand from the cut and dropped the razor with a loud clatter in surprise. Looking down before he could stop himself, Shuichi paled and a wave of nausea hit him as he saw the amount of vividly ruby blood flooding from his open wound. There was so much!  
  
Grabbing a small white washcloth, he held it to his elbow trying to stop the flow. By now, the pain was gone. Shuichi's hot blood felt infinitely hotter on his now cold and numb arm. His whole body was becoming cold and numb. The room was spinning.  
  
Overwhelmed by dizziness, Shuichi fell to the floor and curled on his side protectively around his arm. The washcloth fell from his hand, soaked with a bright, dripping red and Shuichi's blood ran freely from the open wound and pooled around him. There were redish streaks all over the tile floor that had been speckles white only minutes before.  
  
Shuichi's head felt light. It was a combination between falling and floating. It wasn't unpleasant. But when his vision began to darken, Shuichi started to panic. 'Yuki? Yuki!'  
  
With a groan, Shuichi managed to get to his feet but the lack of blood and another bout of dizziness sent him crashing to his knees. Crying out, the boy clawed desperately at the door handle as he fell. Somehow, it opened.  
  
Shuichi's last coherent thought before the darkness eating away at his vision swallowed him was a desperate plea for Yuki. Then he fell lifelessly to the floor.  
  
~*~  
  
Um...so? How was it? This part made me cry while I was writing it. I hope I got Shuichi's total naiveness down, because that's what I was aiming for. His confusion, innocence, all that good stuff.  
  
~*~  
  
Reviews!! (WOW! Geez, you guys are really spoiling me with all these reviews. ^_^ Keep 'em coming!)  
  
mirai aria: Well, I don't know much about TB, so I can't write that. And Shu? Commit Shuichi? Noooo! My poor Shu-chan! *huggles and steals from Eiri*  
  
izumi: Aww, but I'm in love with angst! Sorry! Don't worry, there'll be fluff soon. Angst is too sad without fluff. ^_^  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch. 1): lol, sure. Toss in keep reviewing, though!  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch. 2): Arigatou!!  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch. 3): ^_^  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch. 4): hehe, thanks! (Well, I'm getting a lot, from you, lol. But I'm already dying of happiness from the ones I have. *dies*)  
  
Rimiko: Kill Shu-chan?! lol, thanks.   
  
Burned Vamp: ...getting spanked by Hiro? I'm not sure if that should be a nightmare or a daydream. Hey!!! Stop encouraging my gutter mind! =P  
  
Bisexual Pygmy: good sad or bad sad? O.o;  
  
Krisskittie: *falls over from glomp* Oof! You love Tohma? Well, I guess I can't be too mean to him then. ^_~ You saw Gravi?! Kyaaa!! I'm so jealous!!! Um...lol ^_^; Well, you'll see what happens. And you guessed my secret! I am a sadistical author! D Hehe. Yay! I'm good at writing angst? *super flying glomps YOU* Yay! That's so cool! Hm...Tohma/Ryuichi...? You'll see what happens between those two later on... Or maybe Tatsuha. I dunno. Ryu's a slut?! Does he even know what slut means?! Has anyone even HAD the birds and bees talk with Ryuichi?? @_@ rofl  
  
Black Dios: lol, pleased to meet ya Red Moon! hehe  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch. 5): lol!  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch. 6): you'll see....  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch.7): eep. he is. .;  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo (ch.8): Busy? Kinda. But it's mostly writer's block and stuff. Die writer's block!! *stabs writer's block*  
  
kawaiidark: whoops. I'm gonna kill someone with all my cliffies?! Hang on! Don't fall!  
  
:): lol, evil cliffhangers=fun! For me at least. Hehehe  
  
god_damned: Eep, I killed someone? Aw crap. Now I have to run from police. *runs away*  
  
Kaede Yuki: Aww, tissue? ^_^ Here, have a box of tissues. Plenty more angst and stuff later on!   
  
Anna Sartin: Yeah, didn't really turn out how I expected either! hehe  
  
TsuyaKK: Tissue? ^_^  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: thanks! ...I think? D Hehe, I'm getting called evil a lot, lol. Now is that a good thing or a bad thing? D  
  
CassiToTheStars: .; Eep. Did I make you wait too long? Are you passed out? Sorry! *drags into room where author deposits Sakano when he passes out* ^_^  
  
Megamie: lol, let's see how Yuki handles it. That's going to be a fun reaction. .;  
  
Pato San: Thanks for pointing that out. I guess it is a little unrealistic, right? Hopefully no one else notices, heeheehee. Well, I guess maybe it's kinda AU? Or maybe it's just some weird medical case where it's possible. There's always some exceptions, so this can be one of them. It's anime-world. Anything's possible! ^_^ (Sorry for the pathetic excuses, but I really don't have a good answer. Thanks for pointing that out, though. I really appreciate it!)  
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: I just loooooove evil cliffies. They're so much fun! ^_^  
  
Stormy1x2: Yep, totally right. I'm pure evil? I'm hurt! D (lol, I was just joking)  
  
Kuroi Bara no Twilight: lol, I love angst too. Isn't it wonderful? And I wouldn't call it torture. Um, just...okay, maybe it is. ^_^; Hey, but it's for the good of the fandom.  
  
GoldenWings: I want to cuddle with Shuichi too! Wahh!!  
  
Natsume: Wow! Thank you! Ack, you reviewers ARE spoiling me. ^_^;  
  
:): ...? But if I kill Shuichi, then you get his corpse? Ewww.... lol, j/k. ^_^; I also have my friends to thank for both my anime obsession and my twisted mind. Hehe  
  
~*~  
  
Um...I'm kinda confused. So there are two ':)' people now?? @_@ I'm so lost...  
  
Anyway, review!! I still love every single one of them! 


	10. Don't Go

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine. It belongs to the great, the wonderful, Maki Murakami. I just borrow her characters for a while to torture.   
  
A/N: Doesn't seem like much is going on in this chapter, but it's one of those where future chapters will build on it. So enjoy! ;  
  
-----  
  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 10-Don't Go  
  
-----  
  
The blond sitting unmoving in one of the uncomfortable orange plastic chairs in the hallway was pitied by all the people who walked past him. The women (and even a few men) who passed him remarked to each other how handsome he was. A few thought he resembled the famous romance novelist, Yuki Eiri. But they quickly dismissed that idea. What would the arrogant celebrity Yuki Eiri be doing in the emergency room of a hospital?  
  
However, the nurses and doctors that passed him quickly found out through their colleagues that it was indeed Yuki Eiri. And they had also heard about the patient in the room he sat across from, the equally famous vocalist, Shindou Shuichi. Wild rumors of the details of his case flew through the staff lounges and in hallways as doctors or nurses passed each other. Some were true. Others were wild speculation based on the tiniest ounce of truth.  
  
The most controversial rumor was that, for reasons unknown, Shindou Shuichi had attempted suicide.  
  
The man sitting in the orange plastic chair wasn't deaf to all the speculation around him. Each time the word 'suicide' was brought up, he winced. Although it wasn't visible, since his head was bowed as he sat with his hands supporting his forehead and his elbows on his knees while deep in thought. He was reliving the drive to the hospital.  
  
It was a nightmare come true when he stepped into the doorway of his usually spotlessly clean white bathroom to see Hiro sitting in a pool of blood, clutching his lifeless friend to himself. Hiro was close to being hysterical. The vivid ruby of the drops, streams, and pools of blood contrasted sharply with Shuichi's pale skin and the white bathroom.  
  
Somehow though, Yuki managed to stay calm and locate the source of all the trouble. His razor on the ground reflected the blinding light of the setting sun into his eyes. A blood red sun. It was horrible.  
  
Without even bothering to try to pry Hiro off of his unconscious lover, Yuki went to the phone and dialed for an ambulance. Rushing through all the details, he hung up as soon as possible and headed back to the bathroom.  
  
Hiro had regained some of his wits and was now pressing a towel to Shuichi's left arm. That was where the wound was. Neither of them spoke even though the silence was bothering both. Especially Yuki. His apartment had rarely been silent ever since Shuichi had moved in.  
  
Hiro held Shuichi possessively the entire time and didn't even look in Yuki's direction. When the ambulance arrived, Yuki was shoved to the side. But he let them, and he even let Hiro get into the ambulance with his lover while he followed them in his Mercedes. But he didn't really 'follow' since he actually got to the hospital first.  
  
As the hospital staff worked on Shuichi, Yuki had taken a place just outside the room and stayed there. Hiro had tried to do the same, but apparently the hospital had somehow gotten a hold of NG and Tohma had rushed to the hospital with the rest of Bad Luck. Ryuichi had also tagged along, so a group of famous people had burst into the hospital and terrorized the poor secretary with their demands to see Shuichi.  
  
Luckily, they had spotted Yuki and Hiro sitting guard outside a door and guessed, correctly, that Shuichi was inside. With Ryuichi bawling and Tohma trying to comfort him, everyone else who sat silently quickly developed headaches. Suguru finally worked up the courage to suggest that they move into the cafeteria. Tohma agreed readily and dragged his crying friend along. K and Sakano followed wordlessly although Sakano had removed his glasses and was rubbing his forehead and K was still refusing to meet any eyes.  
  
Suguru had somehow managed to persuade an emotionally exhausted Hiro to come with them, but none of them except Tohma even made an attempt at speaking to Yuki. They all knew what the answer would be,  
  
"Eiri, come with us for a cup of coffee," Tohma suggested. Yuki didn't show any sign of hearing him yet he tried again,  
  
"Eiri, you should rest and eat something."  
  
Silence.  
  
Finally, Tohma sighed and trailed after the rest of the group, leaving Yuki to brood by himself in the hall. None of them came back.  
  
Hours later when the little window at the end of the sterile smelling hallway was dark, the double doors to the surgery room finally swung open as a stretcher was pushed through with a pale, almost unrecognizable Shuichi laying on it. He was completely still and his eyes were softly lidded. Yuki leapt off. The tiniest movements of Shuichi's eyelids tipped him off to the fact that his lover was alive.  
  
The head surgeon headed his way as if to speak to him, but Yuki answered with a terse word, "cafeteria" and turned to follow the nurse who was pushing Shuichi's stretcher to a hospital room.   
  
The surgeon looked as if he wanted to argue, but then shook his head wearily and headed to the elevator down to the cafeteria. It had been a long, hard process, bringing the young man back from the brink of death. He had lost so much blood.  
  
Yuki, meanwhile, had arrived at a hospital room. After finishing all the minor details of setting up her patient's IV, heart monitor, and all the other equipment, the nurse left the room and closed the door gently behind her to leave the two occupants alone.  
  
Yuki now pulled up a chair next to Shuichi's bed. The irony of the situation struck him as he gently pulled Shuichi's uninjured right hand out from under the thin sheet and held it in both his own. He had written about this kind of situation many a time.   
  
-----  
  
'A man knelt at his lover's bedside with her pale hands held in his own trembling ones. He had not yet begun to cry, but it wouldn't be long before he did. Bowing his head over her frail, limp hands, his silent tears flowed over her slender fingers drop by drop…'  
  
-----  
  
Yuki was startled out of his planning of yet another book by a few sharp beeps in a row. He raised his bowed head, searching for the noise and finally found it: the heart moniter. Steady, even green spikes on a small black monitor were interrupted by a few taller, steeper spikes. That must have been what he had heard.  
  
Staring at it, a sickened feeling stirred in the pit of Yuki's stomach. The reality of the situation had blind-sided him.   
  
Shuichi was hooked up to a heart monitor.  
  
Some strange force kept Yuki's sharp golden eyes focused on the spikes as they steadily appeared at one side of the screen and eventually disappeared off the other side. Each appearance was marked by a beep. Although the beeps weren't that far apart, it seemed as if there was an eternity between each one. Yuki's breath hitched at every beep as if any one of them could suddenly turn into a long, dragged-out drone that equaled only the worst news.  
  
Every silence was a second of bliss. Every beep was a terror. It kept his nerves on end so much that a beep that was a fraction too soon after the one before it sent him springing to his feet as his plastic chair fell back with a loud crash. Eyes flying to Shuichi, Yuki's breath and his own heart rate began to steady again after he noticed the slight fluttering of Shuichi's eyelids. He was waking up.  
  
Forgetting about the chair, Yuki cautiously approached Shuichi's bedside. He watched silently as his heart pounded and Shuichi's eyes opened and he saw that amethyst for the first time since the previous morning. Yuki had been next to his lover since the afternoon he brought him into the hospital after finding such a horrific scene in his own bathroom to now, a full night and day later.  
  
But as Shuichi's still sleep-clouded eyes stared straight into his own incredibly sharp ones, Yuki began to back up. After what had happened…he didn't…he didn't know how to react, other than run away. Unfortunately, it was the wrong reaction.  
  
Shuichi blinked, trying to fully return to consciousness even though the drugs that were dripping into his bloodstream through an IV on his uninjured right arm were making it very hard,  
  
"Y-Yuki…?" he finally cracked out, in a very dry and hoarse voice,  
  
Yuki heard his own name on the lips of his lover and panicked. Without a look at Shuichi, he ran his numb hands through his messy golden hair and tucked the other hand in his pocket and turned to leave as quickly as possible. He needed a smoke.  
  
After he closed the door to Shuichi's room quietly, so as not to wake any of the other patients, Yuki suddenly collapsed just across from the room on one of the plastic chairs that lined the sides of the sterile smelling hallway,  
  
"Shit." H said softly to himself as he regained his breath. Why was it so hard to face Shuichi? Not because he faulted his lover, not at all. Instead, Yuki realized he couldn't face Shuichi because it was probably his fault. It seemed as if he caused every unfortunate event in Shuichi's life. All the self-doubt, guilt, and feelings of worthlessness from when he had raised his hand to Shuichi just a few days ago came flooding back.  
  
This was his fault, he knew it. He had pushed Shuichi too far. Much too far. He didn't deserve Shuichi and now whatever God or fate or destiny was rubbing his nose in it. But thankfully Shuichi hadn't been taken away from him. Thankfully he hadn't driven away his love. If that happened…Yuki didn't know what he'd do.  
  
Running his fingers through his hair again, Yuki thought about what he could do. On one hand, he had been fully ready to just up and leave. Maybe it was for the best that he didn't corrupt Shuichi anymore than he already had. Yuki had planned to run away; escape to New York again. But there was another, tiny glimmer of hope that shined through his nightmare of the hell of a life without Shuichi created.  
  
That Shuichi would survive this told him that maybe he had another chance. Shuichi wasn't being taken away from him. In that case, why shouldn't he simply enjoy it and not run away from what they could still have?  
  
But all that was thrown out of his mind when a loud clatter inside Shuichi's room had Yuki on his feet and through the door in a flash.  
  
Shuichi had tried to climb out of bed as soon as he saw Yuki running away. Filled with shame over what he had done and what he had almost done, Shuichi's instant conclusion was that Yuki was disgusted with him. And why not? He was disgusted with himself.   
  
His eyes, misting over with angry tears at his own stupidity, blurred his vision so that when Shuichi tried to climb out of bed to go after his lover, he tripped and fell on the ground. In the process, Shuichi had tore out several IV. One still had a blood transfusion going and another was dripping a cocktail of drugs into him. Now both began to leak on the ground.   
  
The clear fluid of the medicine was quickly contaminated by the blood and the blood was diluted into a color that vaguely resembled Shuichi's hair color, a light pink.  
  
In an instinctive reaction to falling facedown, Shuichi's arms came up to brace him. But one of them had a deep gash that had not yet begun to heal and was only sealed by a few stitches, which were now torn out.  
  
The pain of having two needles and a line of stitches ripped out rendered Shuichi immobile for a few minutes as he gasped for breath and struggled to keep from crying out. His eyes were squeezed shut in pain and the roaring of what sounded like an ocean in his ears blocked out the noise of Yuki returning until a big shoe came into view from his position on his stomach on the ground.  
  
Feeling himself getting turned over and lifted gently off the ground, Shuichi opened his eyes to see that his lover had come back. The tears of pain that had leaked out now turned into tears of joy,  
  
"Yu-Yuki," Shuichi said, his voice still as hoarse as before and now choked with pain and emotion,  
  
"Baka," Yuki replied as he laid Shuichi back on the bed. Suddenly, the door to the room burst open as nightshift nurses swarmed into the room to see what all the racket was about. Shortly after, a few doctors had arrived, again due to the fame of their patient, and they looked around the room with grim faces.  
  
Then, Shuichi's bed was getting wheeled out of the room with a protesting pink-haired patient being restrained by nurses. In the crowd, all Yuki could hear were a few words, 'bleeding', 'stitches', 'too deep', 'got to'.  
  
One of the words stilled both he and Shuichi's hearts, 'cauterize'.  
  
Meeting eyes for a moment, Shuichi's fear-choked words somehow reached Yuki over all the commotion,  
  
"Don't go."  
  
Looking away, Yuki's heart warred with itself. He wanted to run away. But he couldn't leave Shuichi. No.  
  
He looked up and found Shuichi trying furiously to catch his eyes again. Meeting his lover's eyes, Yuki nodded. It was tiny movement, but resolved. Shuichi finally settled down on the bed as the hospital staff wheeled him off with Yuki following close behind.  
  
-----  
  
Finally we're kind of leaving the angst. Sort of. There's a little more to go. Can you tell that I was setting Yuki up for a fall? He's reassuring himself that, ooh, this is his second chance, etc. and later when it's all revealed to him (with Hiro's help! hehe) well...all I can say is, poor Yuki. I don't mean to torture him, I really don't. I like Yuki. But for the sake of the story, he has to suffer a while longer.  
  
-----  
  
Reviews!! (Um...I don't know if these are allowed...but I'll do them until ff.net tells me that I can't. And after reading over the rules a couple times, I don't see anyplace where it SPECIFICALLY says that review replies are not allowed, since this is in no way a 'message board' type thing, etc.)  
  
GoldenWings: Sorry!!! I know, I know, we ALL love Shuichi!  
  
Burned Vamp: ehehe? .  
  
goddamned: oops, sorry. I wasn't aiming to nauseate anyone. Angst, yes. But it'll lighten up for a little bit at least from here. I'm not completely sure, but 9's probably going to be one of the angstiest chapters in the fic. And maybe the last or second-last chapter. But I'm not sure yet. Wait and see!  
  
Black Dios: Hi again! lol. SHE KILLED-- hehe, no I didn't!!   
  
:): Um...hehe, two :) people have reviewed this chapter! (I suggest a penname, lol) And yes, I'm sure we'd all like to have Shuichi alive. ;  
  
Lara: aww hands tissue Thanks!  
  
katie: lol  
  
Mizuki97: This chapter's a little longer. And I confess that chapter 9 was...not something I usually write, let's just leave it at that.  
  
Natsume: Well, the reason I cut chapter 9 off shorter was so some people could skip it if they wanted to. But hey, you start seeing part of his reaction this chapter before...insert dramatic music   
  
StrawberryPockyPoo: lol, oh crap, I'm going to kill another person with my cliffhangers? runs from cops, again.  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: Yes, I am still alive!! lol, and I'm still evil. XD Getting used to my cliffhangers?  
  
HikariChang: Authoress. Wow, thanks, I can't believe I have such dedicated readers that are up to 4am!! Sorry about the cliffhanger, eep, but it just HAD to end there! ; 500 reviews? Hehe, if that happened, I might actually post some Gravi fanart that I've been working on for this fic.   
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: Eep. I'm frightened of Yuki and Shuichi's reactions too! But for a different reason, probably. I wonder if they're OOC?  
  
Aesthetic Angel: hehehe, you wouldn't let me read YOUR fics!! Anyway, I do NOT write better than you do, so just stop saying it since it's not true. And I'm not sure if this is believable, it seems kind of OOC to me, hehe. Yuki's a hard character to write, ne? Hehe, bothering me about writing doesn't work. You should know that by now! hehehe. You love Suguru? Surprise, surprise, considering that he's like a miniature Tohma. lol! Suguru is Tohma's mini-me. ; Cliffhangers! Wheee!  
  
SlightlyPsycho: Aww, your review really made me un-mad that people found my fic. hugs Although, I'm not an 'insanely awesome writer'. Insane, yes. Writer, yes. Awesome, I doubt it. Hehe, and of COURSE I know you, Kaylee! Geez, give me a little credit, ne? lol, just kidding. ;  
  
:): hehe, thanks  
  
Krisskittie: lol! Tohma DEMONSTRATING the birds and bees talk with Ryuichi?? Although it'd be a kind of...skewed version, ne? ; Buying off the author with pocky? does Yuki eyebrow arch Sure! grabs Pocky, munches happily while writing Tohma/Ryu hehehe Thank you, thank you, thank you for telling me about the Gravi DVD!!! You are soooo awesome! I can't wait until it comes out! I wonder who they're gonna get for the voice actors? I wonder if they'll redo the songs? In english? I can't wait!! ;  
  
Sweet Chaos: Um...thanks? lol  
  
-----  
  
Ehehehe, 18 reviews?! 135 total?! Wow, thanks so much to everyone, your reviews make me laugh, cry, and get weird looks from people wondering why I randomly start grinning. See you all soon, and review again!!  
  
-----  
  
For some reasons, some special characters won't show up, so I can't do my old dividers. I'm using these now -----. Hope no one gets confused and sorry about this! (Complain to ff.net!) 


	11. Waiting

**Disclaimer:** Gravi isn't mine. (I need a new disclaimer, hehe)  
  
**A/N:** Wow, I'm not dead! Hehe, sorry for the long absence. Summer vacation was...busy, but I guess that's no excuse, right? Well, I won't bother taking up your time with worthless excuses. Here's a chapter, to make up for it! Sorta...

* * *

  
**Disillusionment**

**Chapter 11-Waiting**

**sunny1388**

* * *

When they arrived at the cautery room, the nurses left Shuichi's bed in the waiting room with Yuki as they went to prepare the special instruments. Cauterization wasn't a standard procedure, but it was used as a last resort in rare, critical cases. One nurse stayed behind for a few moments to quickly check Shuichi's vitals again and painfully inserted another IV.  
  
Finally, she left too and Yuki and Shuichi were alone. Avoiding his lover's eyes again, Yuki let his eyes wander around the room as Shuichi nervously hummed a little tune under his breath. There were only a few scattered words. The rest was mindless humming. And after about four measures, he would trail off and start over again.  
  
The repetition was getting to Yuki, who finally whirled around after the sixth repetition with a flare that was toned-down from his usual scorching ones. Not that Shuichi didn't have a good voice. His soft humming was soothing and at the same time, incredibly disturbing for some reason that Yuki couldn't quite pinpoint,  
  
"Damnit brat, you can't shut up for one minute?" Yuki growled, but Shuichi didn't seem to care about his lover's gruffness,  
  
"My concert's in a month, did you know that, Yuki?" Shuichi chirped.  
  
Of course Yuki had known. It had been mentioned to him several times a day since it had been planned, sometimes at the most inopportune moments,  
  
"And the new CD. Remember the CD?"  
  
Of course. Sometimes Yuki got the feeling that he knew more about Shuichi's career than the singer did himself, considering Shuichi's habit of simply forgetting things. But, of course, the new CD and the concert planned to launch it was excluded from that habit. And how could Yuki forget anything that had deprived him of sex for a whole week and counting?  
  
Shuichi was still rambling when Yuki slipped out of his musings, "But I still have a whole 'nother song to write…" Shuichi's voice had drifted off into silence and Yuki's gaze didn't move from its fixed position somewhere around a corner of the room,  
  
"Yuki…" Shuichi's soft, trembling voice was almost enough to tear Yuki's eyes from the wall, "What if…what if I can't finish the song? What if I can't make it to the concert?"  
  
A small shudder went through Yuki as his eyes slipped closed and he turned to make sure his face was blocked from Shuichi's view. His voice, when he spoke, was rough and strained,  
  
"Quit being stupid, Shuichi."  
  
Shuichi blinked at the reply, then a slow grin spread over his face. He sat up quickly, even though this time he carefully set the wires and tubes that were attached to his body aside, and before Yuki could protest, had wrapped his arms warmly around him. With his face pressed warmly into Yuki's back, Shuichi mumbled a muffled 'love you'.  
  
Wordlessly, Yuki sat down on the edge of the bed and laid his hands on Shuichi's, which were clasped and resting against his chest. There was nothing to say to that. It seemed too much like a chance farewell. A just-in-case-something-happens farewell. Replying to it might somehow affirm it.  
  
A sudden banging on the hallway door shattered the moment and Yuki stood up abruptly and muttered an excuse in Shuichi's direction about 'your insane friends' and left the room to admit a flushed Hiro. The guitarist looked as if he had sprinted a couple hundred meters and his gasping breaths seemed to affirm that.  
  
Shuichi quirked a smirk at his best friend,  
  
"Did you think I died or something, Hiro?"  
  
But apparently the attempt at humor was lost on the young man who quickly approached his friend's bed,  
  
"Shuichi! Are you okay? What happened? Why are you here?" The questions tumbled from him as fast as he could catch the breath to speak them,  
  
"Uh…" Shuichi scratched his head with a blush, but at that moment, a nurse that came in through the double doors and saved Shuichi from an explanation. Hiro's attempts at getting information from her didn't work either and he was told rather firmly several times to 'please take a seat and wait'. Finally after Shuichi had been wheeled through the swinging double doors, and waving like an idiot the whole time.  
  
Hiro had gone to visit Shuichi in his room but had opened the door to find nothing. The bed was made with new sheets and rested empty in the middle of the room. He had panicked for a few moments before thinking to ask a passing nurse where Shindou Shuichi had been taken. When she told him the cauterizing room, a feeling of dread trickled through him. It had to have been something bad for the doctors to take such extreme measures. He had dashed up to the room and, after finding Shuichi still conscious and joking, relaxed a little. Now, Hiro let himself collapse into one of the plastic orange chairs that lined the walls. 'Not this again.' He thought to himself, before picking up a magazine with a soft snort at the date on it.  
  
"Eiri, you have to eat something." Mika pleaded with her brother. Both she and her husband had been trying, ever since they had pulled Yuki away from that little room, to persuade the blond to eat some of the selection they had brought up from the cafeteria for him. They were worried for him. Ever since Shuichi had been rushed to the hospital, over a day ago, Yuki had been either sitting by his bedside, alone, or lurking in a dark corner of his room when Shuichi's friends came to visit. He had only left to use the bathroom in Shuichi's room every few hours but was otherwise glued to his lover's bed.  
  
It was sweet but distressing at the same time. Mika knew that Yuki didn't take good care of himself, but usually he would, with some grouching, let them take care of him. Now, it seemed like her brother was in a daze. Almost as unresponsive as his unconscious lover had been. For Yuki's sake, Mika hoped that Shuichi would get better soon.  
  
"Eiri-san, how about some of this strawberry cheesecake?" Tohma pushed the plate in Yuki's direction, hoping to elicit at least a glare. Although he did get the glare, Yuki pushed away the treat. He didn't feel hungry and wished that his relatives would stop badgering him to eat. When Shuichi was out of the damned cauterizing room safe and sound, then he might eat. If he was hungry.  
  
"Eiri…" Mika tried again, but it only annoyed her brother, who stood up, pushing his chair back with a screech. He started towards the double doors of the cafeteria.  
  
"Eiri-san, where are you going?" Tohma asked. His voice was tired, bordering on exhausted.  
  
"Back." Yuki tossed over his shoulder and exited the room. He had no wish to deal with annoying sisters and brothers-in-law. He just wanted Shuichi. God, but he had grown attached to the damn brat.  
  
As soon as Yuki stepped into the small waiting room he and Shuichi had shared a kiss in, he was shoved against the wall. Too surprised to react, he couldn't dodge the fist that hit him square in the eye.  
  
"…the hell?!" he muttered, finally ducking away and staring at a furious Hiro. Ah. Apparently the boy had finally come out of his disbelief to start laying blame. And of course, he was the lucky one.  
  
Dodging another wild punch aimed at his nose, Yuki sidestepped and quickly turned to meet his opponent again. He wouldn't raise a hand to Hiro. Shuichi would be so distressed if he did and Shuichi needed to relax. Plus, he wouldn't deny Hiro the peace he was trying to find. Hell, he knew that if he could find anyone else to blame but himself, he'd do it in a second.  
  
"You bastard!" Hiro yelled, trying a kick that should've knocked Yuki off his feet, but didn't. Although it would leave a bruise on his shin.  
  
"This is all your fault!" A kick that hit Yuki's jaw. A thin line of blood trailed down from the corner of his mouth. But Hiro didn't stop his assault. Instead, it seemed to make him even angrier, "You did this to him! You're killing him!" A punch that glanced off Yuki's shoulder but knocked him off balance, "You're killing Shuichi, you fucking son of a bitch!"  
  
Hiro's punch to Yuki's stomach left the man winded and he gasped for breath as he stumbled back towards the doorway. A pair of surprisingly strong arms caught him as people rushed into the room.  
  
"Oh my god, Eiri, what happened?" he heard Mika's voice as she stared at her brother being supported by her husband. Realizing who was holding him, Yuki shoved Tohma away and stood up. Hiro was being restrained by Suguru and K while Ryuichi was standing in the doorway, clutching his Kuma-chan wide-eyed.  
  
Yuki let his sister lead him over to a chair across the room from Hiro and sat as she examined his wounds. Satisfied that they were only bruises, she sat down next to him with a weary sigh that said she was too tired to scold him at that moment but he could expect some sisterly yelling later. Tohma sat down on his other side quietly. He should have known something would happen. Nakano-san, in all the time that Tohma had known him, had been nothing if not righteous. He should have seen this and made sure that Hiro wouldn't get a chance to pick a fight, but he hadn't. Still, the fact that Yuki had been restrained and didn't fight back reassured Tohma and he felt a bit of pride in his brother-in-law.  
  
Hours passed. Yuki, Mika, and Tohma sat silently on one side of the room, Hiro, Suguru, and K sat on the other side. Suguru and K whispered fiercely to Hiro, who didn't seem to hear them. His glare was focused on Yuki, who was intent on ignoring the angry youth.  
  
Suddenly, when the silence was almost getting to much for Tohma to bear, he looked up and wondered what the uneasy feeling in his stomach was. It had been bothering him for hours until he truly looked around and realized that Ryuichi and his constant stream of chatter were missing. Not wanting to disturb any of them, he quietly left. When he was in the hall and the door behind him was closed, Tohma breathed a small sigh of relief. The tension that had been building in that room was so unbearable. Especially when combined with all the other stresses in his life.  
  
Many of them were from his hectic career. But some of them were from other sources. Yuki, for one. This little event would likely be a difficult problem in Yuki and Shuichi's relationship. And, of course, something this big would definitely hurt Yuki in some way. Whatever hurt Shuichi hurt Yuki, it was a given. But the question of how much it would hurt them still remained to be seen.  
  
Yuki was a private person. Shuichi, in his own way, was also extremely secretive and private. If neither of them talked about this, it would only be left to stew between them, creating a permanent barrier in their relationship, a glass ceiling. And also a permanent barrier to Yuki's happiness. Because Tohma had realized that Shuichi meant Yuki's happiness.  
  
Shaking his head, Tohma sunk down on a plastic orange chair, his worry for Ryuichi momentarily delayed. Even he had certainly never expected anything like this for Shuichi. It was too out of character for the happy, carefree boy. Tohma wondered what he had overlooked that could trigger such a drastic action in Shuichi. He wondered whether it was depression? Possibly from the Aizawa incident?  
  
Tohma had no idea how Shuichi had dealt with that. To his knowledge, Shuichi didn't talk about it with anymore. Not many people even knew. It was unlikely that Shuichi had gone to see a counseler. Something like that, if it had got out, would've been all over the news.  
  
Deciding that thinking about the problem wouldn't do him any good. He would just hope that Yuki and Shuichi would be smart enough to clear up this situation and perhaps, forget it. He would speak with Shuichi when the boy was well enough to have visitors. Or perhaps he would charm a doctor into letting him see Shuichi. Seeing as how he was, of course, Seguchi Tohma. And whatever Tohma wanted, Tohma got.

* * *

**A/N:**  
Sorry, it's kinda a boring chapter. Not much action. I wouldn't call this a filler chapter, but it's definitely not a juicy one. But finally there's some more happy stuff between Yuki and Shuichi! Anyway, sorry, I'm very sorry about the long time it took. Hopefully, I'll get another chapter up soon to try and make up for it!  
  
But hey, in the meantime...hehe, I just wrote a Yu Yu Hakusho one-shot, so if there's any YYH fans, go check it out!  
  
By the way, I got the dubbed Gravi DVD and watched episodes 1-4. My favorite part of the DVD has to be the subs. The english voices aren't that good, but the Japanese...I love Tomokazu Seki! I'm going to marry that man someday. Yep. Just you watch.

* * *

**REVIEWS:**  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: Yay! I'm not gonna die for cliffies? Now I just hope you won't kill me after this really, really long update time!! Eep!  
  
HikariChang: Shuichi on top?! Whoa, think Yuki'd ever let him? lol, but no, my fanarts aren't like that, hehe. They're more towards the fluffy side. Hugs and maybe a kiss on the top of the head or cheek, that's about the most yaoi they'll go. lol, like PG or G  
  
Sweet Chaos: Same here. Angst is so cool and my favorite angsty fics are the ones that make me cry. Isn't that so weird??  
  
GoldenWings: Aww! Sorry, hands you a tissue. Shuichi is cool, but I'd want to paired with any of the Gravi guys! Except maybe Sakano... But yes, Shuichi is so lovable, isn't he?  
  
Kitty in the Box: Whoa, did you change your username? lol, anyway, Yuki's not finding out yet. It'll be later. Perhaps a couple more chapters. Yuki's getting tortured a little more. Unfortunately, so is Ryu-chan. Awww. Anyway, thanks! And I did update. Just...a little...late. Ehehe?  
  
Black Dios: lol, Shu-chan is alive. For now. Muahahahahahaha! And I think you would get along well with Shuichi? ne?  
  
Suki: Thanks, but as always, I must respond with maybe. Shu might live or maybe not. I dunno.  
  
SlightlyPsycho: Ack, I'm arrogant enough. I don't need any more, lol. Yeah, probably found it through Amy. Damn it. I knew that Soul Hunter fic was a mistake. Ah well. So, now you'll get to say more stuff in Japanese! Lucky! Give me a few phrases that I can add in here, lol  
  
Aeryith: Hehe, 11 chapters now! You probably missed my fic because I sometimes take a little long between updates and it gets pushed back. I'll try to update more, hehe. And about Shu, I'll say what I always say. His fate is undecided. He may live...or he may not. Eep. But I'll try and get Yuki to save him or something. I don't want my Shu-chan to die!  
  
Lara: Shuichi's not dead..yet... insert evil laughter. Actually, I don't know. We'll see, I guess. I don't know why I torture Yuki so much, I mean, I totally love the guy. Hm. I'll try and be nicer to him...maybe.  
  
Ash of Mine: Poor Yuki, he will be devasted. I have that particular section already written. Poor guy. Poor Shu-chan! Why must I be such an evil author??  
  
yume: lol, hehe  
  
StrawberryPockyPoo: Yes, I know what you mean. I can't believe I can't do my anime smilies anymore! I can't express myself! Hehe, I guess angst is like sad drama. Maybe. I dunno. Eep, I hope I didn't kill someone! Did this count as taking too long to update? Sorry!!  
  
cerillion: Hehe, yeah, my summary is pretty boring, but I'm glad you like my fic!  
  
KrissKittie: Pocky? Gimme!! Hehe. So how did you like the dub Gravi? Personally I preferred the sub, but then again, Seki-san is my god. Hehe. I like your idea of the 'thought process' thing, probably at the end though. Ryu, we're getting to later. Couldn't get him in this chapter, but definitely the next one. btw, I LOVED your Ryu fic! I've read it three times now, hehe. I should blame you for how long this chapter took. J/k, but anyway, the cauterization thing is not gonna be in detail because I don't think I could write it very well. Plus, enough angst, more YXS! Good luck with school!  
  
Puppy Girl: Yeah, I like the "Don't go" part too. Can you guess where that's from? Let me give you a clue: it's a song lyric. (from my fav Gravi song)  
  
kisstherain: Yuki will find out, of course, but later. Not now. Must play with characters some more, hehe. Minus pictures, yes. I can't draw that well. I'd ruin them! But no, my fic cannot even COMPARE to Murakami Maki's manga. I mean, come on! I agree that Suguru is much better for Hiro than Ayaka. I mean, Gravi's shounen-ai! In my ficcy, Hiro's definitely NOT straight! Hehe  
  
demonic faye: Maybe I need a new warning for my fic then, "May cause starvation and/or dehydration" lol, We'll see about Shuichi's fate.

* * *

Again, thank you for all the great reviews! 


	12. Trials

**Disclaimer**: We all know Gravi doesn't belong to me. Otherwise what the heck would I be doing writing fics?! I'd be drawing the manga. Or better yet, fixing up the anime, getting the manga storyline in the anime and make it longer, much longer. And hiring better artists. The anime art is okay...not great. There are some parts, like when Yuki picks up the lyrics in the park. I mean, I swear he's cross-eyed there! Isn't he? Just watch it. Yeah. And pause it at that spot. And stare at the screen. Do try not to drool. Too much.  
  
**A/N:** Enjoy! Faster update, ne?

* * *

  
**Disillusionment **

**Chapter 12-Trials**

**sunny1388**

* * *

'I knew it!' Ryuichi slammed a fist on the edge of the porcelain sink and glared down it. Tears mixed with the water he had hastily splashed on his face and ran down his cheeks in rivulets, 'I knew he…he…'  
  
Sakuma Ryuichi had never liked Yuki Eiri much. Even back in the days of Nittle Grasper, when Yuki was just a cocky teenager, Ryuichi had avoided the kid. That was back when Ryuichi had a little tiny crush on one of his bandmates. He knew that, for some reason, Tohma was attracted to 'Eiri-chan'. And naturally, he'd been jealous. How could a little brat compare to the internationally famous Ryuichi?  
  
After Eiri's experience with Kitazawa, he had changed but Tohma still loved the boy. Ryuichi found that he couldn't hate Yuki quite as much, having pitied the boy. For that reason alone, he never confessed his love for Tohma. Now it seemed like a stupid thing, to pity your hated rival.  
  
But that infatuation with Tohma had faded as the years went by. He had never told Tohma that Yuki destroyed Nittle Grasper so many years ago. He had never told Tohma that Yuki was the reason he had quit the band that they'd worked so hard for. And now, it seemed, history would repeat itself. Yuki Eiri was ruining his life again.  
  
"Damnit!" Ryuichi choked out as he slumped forward, using the sink for support.  
  
Just when he had finally gotten over the pain of unreciprocated love, Yuki was there, again, to take it from him. How greedy could one man be? He had the love of Tohma and of Shuichi and returned neither. He constantly took advantage of Tohma, using the man's feelings for him to get whatever he wanted. And to Shuichi, who loved Yuki with all his heart, he was still unbearably cold.  
  
'And now this…'  
  
Slumping even more, Ryuichi closed his eyes painfully. Of course he didn't believe for a second that Shuichi had tried to commit suicide. It was impossible. Shuichi wasn't that type of person. But…even if he hadn't known what he was doing…he still did it. He had hurt himself enough to land in the hospital. And even if he hadn't meant to, the kind of anguish that made him consider that option wasn't something that Shuichi should have had to deal with.  
  
Feeling his anger rise again, Ryuichi suddenly whirled around and punched the door of a stall with enough force that it bounced back and hit his fist again. Taking out his anger on the swinging door, he used it as a punching bag until a small indentation began to form in the wall of the stall from the handle of the door hitting the spot over and over again.  
  
Yuki wasn't good for Shuichi. Just as Tohma had become convinced that Shuichi wasn't good for his beloved Eiri-san, Ryuichi decided that Yuki wasn't good for his Shu-chan. And he wouldn't allow the one-sided relationship to continue any longer. He wouldn't let Shuichi prostrate himself in front of that sadist anymore.  
  
Yuki sighed as Shuichi stirred again. He rose from the freaking uncomfortable stiff wood chair and walked the two steps to Shuichi's bed where the whimpering boy was trying to roll over. Smoothing back Shuichi's bangs from the boy's pale face, he stared down at his lover.  
  
It was the middle of the night and he had once again taken bed-side vigil. Everyone else had been persuaded by Tohma to get rest but he didn't even try to convince Yuki, knowing it was a hopeless argument. The man murmured a quiet and sincere 'take care' as he drifted out the door.  
  
It had been a hectic time for everyone. There had been complications. The cut was on the inside of Shuichi's elbow and apparently it had been difficult to maneuver the cauterizing laser into the angle. Shuichi lost so much blood while the doctors scrambled to get the problem sorted out.  
  
When they finally wheeled Shuichi back to his room, it was already late and they were all exhausted with sore backs and necks from the cheap chairs. No one had protested much to getting some rest except for Hiro, but they managed to steer him away.  
  
"Brat…" Yuki breathed as Shuichi slowly settled under his soft touch. His eyes flickered to the plastic cast on Shuichi's elbow. It was to keep him from moving the arm so it could heal. Yuki's eyes traveled down the pale arm to the IV in the back of Shuichi's hand. Earlier, they had been transfusing blood into him. Now the IV contained clear painkillers and a strong soporific. Still, nightmares seemed to be plaguing Shuichi.  
  
When Yuki had the boy settled back down, he hesitated. Was it like Hiro had said? Was it his fault? He knew he wasn't treating Shuichi like he deserved, but he had never thought it caused Shuichi so much pain that he would turn to hurting himself.  
  
Rubbing at his face, Yuki went back to his chair. 'I fuck up everyone's lives.' He had killed Kitazawa, destroyed Nittle Grasper, ruined the lives of so many people close to him. And now he was slowly killing the one person that he truly loved in the world. It was so ironic.  
  
'God Yuki, if you could see me now…' he chuckled bitterly and his eyelids slid down, denying any tears that might have begun forming.  
  
Biting his lip, Suguru slowly approached Hiro. They were in the basement cafeteria of the hospital, taking a break. Mika and Tohma had gone home along with an unnaturally quiet Ryuichi. Sakano had finally had a stress related breakdown and was getting rest in a hospital bed a floor above Shuichi. The doctors were concerned about his high stress life, especially after Shindou Shuichi and wanted to monitor the producer for a while. Sakano-san had an appointment with the hospital psychologist the next day.  
  
No one knew where the American had disappeared off to, but everyone's minds were still too scattered to assign the matter much importance,  
  
"Nakano-san?"  
  
Hiro didn't seem to here the timid voice so Suguru tried again,  
  
"Nakano-san?" This time Hiro started and turned around with wide eyes. 'I guess he really didn't hear me.'  
  
Hiro smiled weakly and gestured to the empty seat next to him,  
  
"I thought we stopped with the '-san's a long time ago." They both chuckled but neither of them were truly distracted by the pathetic attempt at lightening the mood. Making a face at the orange plastic chair that was almost identical to the ones that lined the hallways, Suguru sat down with a grimace. He was so tired and uncomfortable. He'd been staying at the hospital for almost 30 hours. There was some time in between when he'd left to shower, change, eat, and sleep a few hours before heading back, but that was all.  
  
As for Hiro, Suguru knew that the boy had stayed at the hospital whole time. Luckily, a few of the nurses had felt sorry for the best friend and had let him stay in the empty room across the hall from Shuichi's. There, Hiro had taken advantage of the bathroom and the bed before going back to his friend.  
  
"Hiro…" Suguru's eyes flicked nervously to the man, "Are you okay?"  
  
The guitarist snorted as he cradled his head in his arms on the table. His muffled voice sounded strained to Suguru,  
  
"I thought he was already dead."  
  
A shudder went through both boys, but it was much fiercer for Hiro. He couldn't help but see the picture of when he had first opened the bathroom door. It stayed in his head. His next words were even more muffled and hard to make out.  
  
"I thought I was too late…"  
  
Suguru swallowed back a choking sob. It hurt him so much, not just to see Shuichi in such a condition but to see Hiro so wracked with guilt by it. Impulsively, he scraped his chair forward and wrapped his arms around Hiro's slumped form. But the man beneath him noticeably stiffened.  
  
Before Suguru knew what happened, Hiro had pulled roughly away from the younger man and stood up, an unreadable expression in his eyes. The tension between them was unbearable and Suguru's chest clinched at the obvious denial.  
  
"I-I…" he stuttered, but Hiro cut him off, quietly but firmly,  
  
"I'm sorry, I just…can't deal with this right now."  
  
Suguru only nodded, not ready to attempt speaking past the lump building in his throat. He knew he was going to cry. It hurt too much for even embarrassment. He would deal with the embarrassment later. Right now, he just wanted some privacy. To sit and think. Or to not think.  
  
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and the other people in the cafeteria were beginning to murmur at the two teenagers causing a scene.  
  
"I'm going back to my apartment for a bit," Hiro remembered that Suguru had arrived with some of the others from the studio and now he didn't have a ride. Or, most likely, a place to go, other than his parents' home, but Hiro didn't want to abandon Suguru, no matter how uncomfortable he had made things between them, "Do you want to crash at my place?"  
  
Suguru was shocked at the offer. He thought that Hiro wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore. His first reaction was to refuse, but then again…he didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay with someone that would understand, mostly, what he was going through. The pain, the fear, the guilt. Suguru nodded and whispered a 'thank you'.  
  
Awkwardly, he followed Hiro as the man led them to where he had left his motorcycle. Swearing at the neon colored slip under the windshield wiper, Hiro stuffed it in his pocket and unclipped the spare helmet, handing it to Suguru while he put his own on. He got on the bike and there was another awkward moment as Suguru tried first to figure out how to get on the bike and then how to hold on without clinging to Hiro. He'd never ridden a motorcycle before.  
  
Finally, Hiro showed Suguru what to use for handholds and gave him a one-handed boost up. Then, he tightened Suguru's arms around his waist and kicked away from the curb.  
  
As Suguru hung on, he tried to lean back from Hiro's back as far as possible. Normally, he would have relished being so close to the one he loved, but it was too painful so soon after the rejection. Suguru was slowly losing all hope for anything with Hiro. Sadly, he concluded that his first opinion had been right; that Hiro was indeed straight. And while he was cool enough to still be friends with Suguru, he had, to Suguru's mind, made extremely clear that there would be nothing more than that. Friendship.  
  
Suguru knew he'd be able to deal with that. But it still hurt.

* * *

**A/n:** Chapter 12 is still a lot of setting up and blatant foreshadowing (like the Ryu part. You can't get any more blunt! Ack, I'm giving away too much of the plot.) Anyway, Chapter 13 the story will speed up a little. I hope to add fluff! Geez, angst is so addictive to write. But I want some YuShu fluff and then mix Ryu in a little. ;)  
  
And we just have to see where this Hiro/Suguru thing is going. Poor Suguru, I really like him too! That's why I paired him with Hiro.

* * *

**REVIEWS**:  
  
byakuya: Another chapter! Happy ending, yes, I'm striving for that. I'm so floored that you like the plot and quality, considering I'm not even sure where this plot is heading! Well, read on!  
  
goku-the-saru: Yeah, I like it when Hiro goes all possessive, it's so cute! lol  
  
Ryuichi Sakuma: OMG, Ryuichi Sakuma is reviewing my fic?! lol, hope you liked the part about you! Hehe, just kidding, aw, wouldn't want to make Kuma-chan sad, ne?  
  
Kitty in the Box: Hey! When'd you change your username?? It's much shorter to type now, lol. :D We all have evil moods, poor Yuki. I think this whole fic might've been planned out in one of my evil moods! Hope you liked this chapter  
  
tangerine-asuka: Dark, so far, yes. But it'll head over to some fluff soon. I'm aiming for a little limish/real PG-13 in a couple chapters, but who knows!  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: No problem, I love e-mailing. So much fun. Only thing better is IM-ing, hehe. Sou's fine, soumanyon is too long a name to type out, ne? Poor Shu, I really don't want to kill him! Ack. Yes! I LOVE, absolutely ADORE Seki Tomokazu. He has the coolest voice(s), hehe, and he's such a good actor, ne? Hm, I gotta watch/read Initial D, I've heard it's good?  
  
firedraygon97: Now there's four chapters! Yeah, it's getting really dark. I'm hoping to lighten it up some, it's getting angsty even for me!  
  
Empathic Soul: Thank you! I'm so glad you like it  
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: Poor Shuichi and Yuki and Hiro and everyone, ne? I agree! Why must I be so evil to them???

* * *

You guys are awesome reviewers! I swear, you can just see my head inflating from all these reviews, eep! Review! :) 


	13. Letting Go

**Disclaimer**: Gravi doesn't belong to me. Damn.  
  
**A/N:** I dub this chapter special 'Bad Luck' chapter. For that reason, it's extra long. Enjoy!  
  
**WARNING**: If you really stretch the definition, I guess there is a little lime in this chapter. But I would hesistate to call it that, since it's just a little kissing. You'll see when you get to it, but it's nothing past a PG-13. The warning is just because my writing (at least up to now) is more the 'I love you' type of romance and the physical stuff doesn't really appear much. Other than that, just mild language as always. Bad Yuki.

**Dedication**: This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Nichole, just because. She's an awesome friend, one of my best friends, and better yet, she loves Gravi almost as much as I do. Well, she's threatened to kill me for Gravi manga, so there you go. Love ya, Nikki! (even though she hates that nickname. -snickers-)

* * *

  
**Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 13-Letting Go**

**--SPECIAL BAD LUCK CHAPTER--  
  
sunny1388**

* * *

Hiro opened up his apartment for the first time in days and tossed his keys on the small table next to the door. Kicking his shoes into the corner, he shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it across the back of the couch, stretching his shoulders out. It was good to be home again.  
  
Letting out a breath, he turned to his guest and gestured around.  
  
"Kitchen on the left, living room, down the hall is the bathroom and the bedrooms." It was a two bedroom apartment. When Hiro had been apartment shopping, he knew he would need 2 bedrooms. If it wasn't Shuichi staying at least once a week, his brother would drop in and crash every once in a while. It also served as a little composition room. Sheet music from both himself and Shuichi was scattered around the room and a Yamaha keyboard rested along one of the walls.  
  
He walked down to his room and opened the door. Suguru gasped. The room was practically wallpapered in posters of Bad Luck and even posters of Hiro and Shuichi's early two-person high school band. A framed poster caught his attention and he smiled. It was their first concert.  
  
Suguru had never truly comprehended how much Shuichi and Hiro's friendship was intertwined with Bad Luck. Now he understood why Shuichi had been so against him becoming a true part of the band when Hiro had left Bad Luck right before their first million. The band was a physical form of his and Hiro's friendship. Smiling slightly, Suguru turned to Hiro,  
  
"Hm? I'm sorry, what did you say?"  
  
Hiro repeated his question,  
  
"Are you hungry, thirsty?"  
  
But Suguru just shook his head and turned aside to give Hiro some privacy to change,  
  
"I'm fine, thanks. You don't have to bother yourself about me."  
  
"Hm." Hiro had changed into a pair of plaid pajama pants. Suguru bowed his head to hide his blush. Hiro had a very, very handsome body. The sculpted chest was very…distracting.  
  
"Uh…uh, I…"  
  
Hiro tossed him a small bundle and Suguru caught it, realizing it was a bundle of clothes.  
  
"What…?"  
  
"Well, seeing as how you don't have any of your clothes, you'll have to borrow some of mine. Shuichi has some of his clothes here and he's probably closer to your size, but I can't find them right now. You can take a shower and change, if you want."  
  
Suguru was thankful for the shower and the clothes and tried to bow and mutter his thanks, but Hiro just waved him to the bathroom as he headed to the kitchen.  
  
Stepping into the bathroom, Suguru sighed as he clicked the door closed. He unrolled the bundle and found a pair of boxers and left them out. Hiro's shower had only a glass door but it was enough to keep the water in. Turning on the shower, Suguru quickly dropped his clothes and stepped under the hot spray. He winced. It was a little too hot. But he quickly got used to the temperature and started to get drowsy as he rinsed. A sharp knock on the door woke him up,  
  
"Dinner's ready."  
  
Finishing quickly, he toweled dry and put on the boxers, pajama pants, and a tank top. The clothes were Hiro's and way too big. The pants were rolled up a couple of inches and still trailed on the ground so Suguru had to shuffle around. Nothing could be done about the tank top, which had to be adjusted every few seconds as one of the straps slid down his shoulder.  
  
Before he left the bathroom, Suguru grabbed another towel and rubbed at his hair, making it stick up in every direction. As he sat down at the square table in the kitchen across from Hiro, the guitarist got a funny look on his face.  
  
For some reason, seeing Suguru dressed up in his clothes, which were way too big, and his hair looking scruffy and untidy made Hiro want to grin. Suguru looked…adorable. There was no other word for it. The slight pout on his lips completed the picture as the boy tried, unsuccessfully, to get his just-washed hair to stop dripping cold water down his back.  
  
Finally, Suguru slung the towel across his shoulders and dug into the omelet that Hiro had made for him, but even that picture was so…cute. The towel looked way too big for Suguru and Hiro couldn't help but smile. Luckily, Suguru's focus was on his plate and he didn't see the amused expression on his friend's face.  
  
They ate in silence for the most part. The meal was finished relatively quickly, since it was very light. But neither of them had a large appetite that night. When they finished, Suguru insisted on doing the dishes, so Hiro headed to the guest room to get it ready.  
  
When Suguru went into his room sometime later, he found a strangely quiet Hiro sitting at the keyboard. He was staring down at the keys and Suguru suddenly didn't want to interrupt whatever Hiro was thinking, but it was too late. Hiro noticed him and smiled weakly, inviting him in.  
  
"I…I was just thinking. About the time Shuichi pulled an all-nighter to finish that song…" Suguru smiled at the memory. It was a very clear one. Shuichi apparently stayed at NG for an entire night working on a song to meet a deadline. They had found him the next morning, asleep on the keyboard. Crumpled balls of music and lyrics were scattered around him like a battlefield. They weren't able to wake him up, so K carried the exhausted boy to a couch and let him sleep there while everyone else practiced the music he had written. Shuichi had woken up that afternoon looking like hell, but they got the song recorded and edited in record time.  
  
"Why him?" Hiro's whispered to the keyboard, "Why'd it have to be him?" At first, Suguru was confused. His mind was still on Shuichi and his attempted suicide. But then he realized what Hiro what talking about.  
  
"N-Nakano-san…"  
  
"Hiro."  
  
"Um, Hiro. It wasn't…that is to say, Shuichi's cancer. Well…it might get better…right?" Suguru stuttered. He really wasn't any good at comforting and he fervently wished he was. He had no idea what to say, what to do. He wished there was some way he could help Hiro.  
  
"Yeah, I know, but…" it went unsaid, but Suguru understood. The doctor had given them the facts outright and spared no details. She had plainly informed them that it was probably too late, that they had noticed the cancer too late.  
  
"God!" Hiro's fist crashed down on the keyboard and a discord of notes rang through the apartment, "Why didn't I notice?" It was so frustrating. If he thought back, there were so many symptoms, so many signs. But no one had noticed or stopped to consider the possibility of cancer from second-hand smoke. If anyone was to be stricken by cancer, they all would have expected it to be Yuki. He was the smoker, not Shuichi. Hell, even Hiro himself had a smoke once in a while. But not Shuichi; he was a total innocent. Why did he have to be the one? It wasn't fair at all.  
  
"Damn! Damnit!"  
  
Suguru was silent through Hiro's outbursts, but he winced as each word was accentuated by a slap of the keyboard. Finally not able to take it anymore, he crossed the room in 3 steps and grabbed Hiro's wrist.  
  
"Hiroshi! Stop it!"  
  
"No!" Hiro's voice was almost petulant as he tried to yank his wrist free from Suguru's hold, but the boy was holding on too tightly. With a sharp jerk, he knocked Suguru off balance and boy practically fell into his lap, knocking them both over. The chair Hiro was sitting on fell backwards and knocked the wind out of his lungs. Suguru fell on top of him and knocked his breath away a second time. Their joined hands were sandwiched between their chests and Suguru was almost fully on top of Hiro.  
  
Suguru stared down at the man pinned under him and met Hiro's fierce glare. His breathing started to quicken, becoming erratic and breathy. He knew that Hiro could hear his heart pounding because he could hear Hiro's racing heartbeat. Suguru's lips parted slightly as he breathed.  
  
Finally with an impatient growl, Hiro raised his head and sealed the distance between them.  
  
The kiss was rough and passionate, like nothing Suguru had ever experienced. Their lips were open when they met and Hiro wasted no time in invading Suguru's mouth with his hot tongue. He bit at Suguru's lips and sucked on them hard enough to bruise. When they finally had to pause for breath, Suguru wrenched his face away from Hiro's wide-eyed and quickly got up, backing away slightly as Hiro sat up.  
  
Suguru was scared. He wanted Hiro so much that he could barely catch his breath. He loved him so much and had loved him for so long. But still, it scared him. Especially when Hiro finally raised his head towards him and Suguru saw his passion-darkened eyes stare hungrily at him. Hiro slowly got up and stalked over to Suguru, resting his hands on the shorter boy's shoulders. One of his hands slid the strap down Suguru's arm and he bent his mouth down to the juncture of Suguru's shoulder and neck when the obstacle was removed.  
  
Suguru unconsciously tilted his head to allow Hiro better access and whimpered softly at the feeling of Hiro alternating kissing and sucking his skin. It was making the spot feel so hot and warm. Actually, Suguru's whole body felt hot and he was filled with a nervous energy. He didn't know how they made it to Hiro's bedroom, his mind tuned out the irrelevant details as he concentrated only on Hiro's lips. Suguru barely registered being pushed gently onto the bed and Hiro settled himself on top of him. And then he let go of everything.

* * *

"I'm not leaving in a wheelchair!"  
  
"He's not leaving in a wheelchair."  
  
Seguchi Tohma sighed as he opened the door to an outraged yell and a lower growl. The poor nurse in the room, this time it looked a young intern, shrunk at the determined twin glares. Yuki's glare was a little more intimidating, though, because although the black eye Hiro had given him had mostly faded, there was still a darker outline around one of his eyes, making him look much scarier. The poor nurse.  
  
"B-but, it's hospital policy! Please, Shindou-san…" she pleaded to who she thought would be the more reasonable of the two.  
  
But Shuichi refused to back down, of course, even when he noticed his boss enter the room,  
  
"I can walk fine, it's not like my legs got hurt!"  
  
Also noticing Tohma, the nurse turned to him, silently begging for help, but the blond man simply cocked his head slightly with a small smile,  
  
"Actually, it won't do for Shindou to be seen a wheelchair," Shuichi looked in surprise at his boss, unbelieving that the man was actually backing him up, "You see, it wouldn't do for his fans to see his incapacitated like that. It would raise too many questions." One of his eyebrows arched elegantly as he met Shuichi's gaze, "And we don't want that, do we, Shindou-san?"  
  
"Uh…no?" Confused but glad that he wouldn't have to leave the hospital in the wheelchair next to his bed, Shuichi just shrugged at his luck.  
  
He was already sitting so standing up was only a matter of swinging his legs over the side of the bed. But when he tried to plant his feet on the cold tile floor and use them to support his body, he toppled over with a yell.  
  
Yuki caught Shuichi effortlessly and supported him as the boy's legs gave out under him. Shuichi tried to stay standing by holding onto the bed, but even that wouldn't work and he settled for sitting back down on the bed. Shuichi leaned against the headboard as he tried to catch his breath.  
  
"I-I…" he panted but couldn't seem to gulp enough air. Tohma's eyebrow arched even higher,  
  
"I was going to say that although we can't have you in a wheelchair, you are in no condition to walk."  
  
"You think?" Shuichi retorted before he could stop himself, "I…I mean, uh…"  
  
But Tohma just smiled and shook his head as he turned to leave, "I'll leave you and Eiri-san to work out your departure." He called over his shoulder as he took the flustered nurse gently by the elbow, requesting that she take him to Sakano to check up on his employee. The nurse reluctantly left but kept glancing nervously back over her shoulder at her patient; it really was hospital policy and she didn't want to lose her job but…who could refuse Seguchi Tohma anything?  
  
"Um…" Shuichi looked up at Yuki uncertainly, "Just how am I going to—"  
  
He was cut off by a wad of clothes thrown into his face which muffled an indignant yell.  
  
"Clothes." Yuki growled irritably and went to shut the door. He had had more than enough of visiting fans who took full advantage of Shuichi's backless hospital gown. That ass belonged to him and him alone. The obvious possessiveness was uncharacteristic of him, but he did have a breaking point and the handsome young male nurse who had playfully groped Shuichi's butt while checking his vitals had crossed it. Yuki growled just thinking about the incident. At least he had scared that man enough that he didn't see him again during the rest of Shuichi's stay.  
  
"Yuki?"  
  
Yuki turned back around and immediately winced, wishing that he had thought to pick out a paler shirt; the black one that Shuichi was wearing accentuated his paleness. Even with the blood transfusions, Shuichi was still missing a good amount of blood and it would take a while for his body to replace all that he had spilt.  
  
"Uh…I can't…I mean, can you, uh…help me?"  
  
Yuki was confused and his face showed it. Shuichi flushed a bright red and he looked away as he clarified,  
  
"Uh..can you…helpmewithmypants?"  
  
Yuki choked as he realized that Shuichi was fully dressed from the waist up but had nothing on from the waist down. Luckily the T-shirt was a longer one and afforded Shuichi some cover. Yuki smirked and walked over, picking up Shuichi and steadying him so he could pull up his boxers and pants with one hand, which he had been unable to do while sitting.  
  
Shuichi's elbow was wrapped in gauze and the plastic supporter went over it, immobilizing the arm. A sling kept it near his body. Yuki wondered how he had even managed to get the T-shirt on by himself. He realized that Shuichi was having trouble with the button on his jeans and suppressed a chuckle as he reached down and helped him with it. Since his hand was down there anyway, Yuki let his hand trail south, just a little.  
  
Shuichi squawked and jumped with surprise as he felt Yuki's hand grab him through the jeans,  
  
"Yuki!!" this time Yuki did laugh and Shuichi stared wide-eyed up at his lover. It wasn't often that Yuki laughed. Or publicly groped him, for that matter. The novelist's undignified snickering ended quickly, but a tiny, smug smirk stayed on the novelist's lips and Shuichi snorted and muttered 'baka', which only made Yuki smirk wider.  
  
Still blushing a tomato red but at least fully clothed, Shuichi finger-combed his hair and stepped into his shoes while still being supported in the circle of Yuki's arms. When he was done, on a sudden impulse, Yuki bent down and hooked an arm behind Shuichi's thighs and his other arm wrapped around the boy and cradled him to his chest.  
  
"Y-Yuki?! What…?" Shuichi stuttered as he hung on to Yuki's shoulders with one hand. The injured one rested on his stomach with his body instinctively curled protectively around it.  
  
"We're leaving. Tohma'll take care of the paperwork." And he carried Shuichi to the door, kicking it open, and proceeded calmly down the hall. Shuichi didn't feel calm at all. He flushed a bright red at the sight of all the people in the halls who stopped and stared at the couple. While he was savoring the fact that Yuki was being so caring so openly, the embarrassing extra attention made him bury his face in Yuki's neck.  
  
Unfortunately, the media had somehow gotten wind that Shindou Shuichi was being released from the hospital and media crews and trucks, reporters and cameras were swarming the parking lot. As soon the sliding doors opened for Yuki and Shuichi, they were mobbed. The crowd jostled around them and closed behind them so there was no escape. Shuichi looked up once, but all the lights shining in his eyes and the microphones stuck in his face were making him claustrophobic, so he went back to hiding against Yuki.  
  
Unfortunately for the crowd, Yuki's fuse had been dangerously short already and it finally snapped. He was about to start kicking people out of his way when rescue appeared. The crowd parted like the red sea for the black jeep that plowed insistently through. It stopped in front of Yuki, who snarled at the vehicle that was cutting him off.  
  
Suddenly, a few rounds were fired into the air and people stumbled over themselves trying to get away from the jeep. The door opened and Yuki didn't hesitate to toss Shuichi in, jumping in after the boy.  
  
K floored it out of the parking lot and was a few miles away before the panicking reporters thought to climb into their vans to follow the jeep.  
  
Yuki turned to Shuichi, who was gasping for breath while leaning bonelessly against the opposite side of the car.  
  
"Those fucking bastards!" he cursed. K worriedly glanced back at them through the rearview mirror.  
  
"Is Shindou okay?"  
  
Shuichi started coughing then as he tried to answer but managed to gasp out after a few seconds,  
  
"Yeah, fine." Worry seeped into Yuki's stare as Shuichi struggled to catch his breath. Shuichi avoided it and managed not to rub at his burning chest. After a quarter of an hour, he finally toned down to the coughs to no more than a couple a minute and could actually breathe again.  
  
"He's not catching something, is he?" K asked Yuki, looking in the mirror again, but Yuki didn't reply. Both of them were worried about the possibility of something like pneumonia. The chances were increased because Shuichi's immune system was vulnerable. The drugs that typically followed a transfusion weakened the immune system so it wouldn't attack the foreign blood. But the tradeoff was a generally weakened system that turned even a common cold into a life-threatening illness. Temporary AIDS in a bag.  
  
That was one of the things the doctor had warned them about time and time again when Shuichi had decided to go home so soon. The doctors had tried to convince him to stay at least a few more days, but Shuichi wasn't going to risk anyone else finding out about his little secret.  
  
Most of the trip was made in silence as each man kept to their own thoughts. K would glance at them in the mirror every few minutes. Yuki only stared out the window expressionlessly. Bored to death, Shuichi shifted around trying to get comfortable, but not succeeding. His injured arm kept getting in the way and the sling around his neck was starting to itch annoyingly. Blowing out air that ruffled his bangs, Shuichi leaned back against the leather seat and sulked.  
  
He was caught totally off guard when Yuki reached over and grabbed his shoulders, sliding him along the bench seat until his head was in Yuki's lap. The jeep was wide enough that he could stretch out a little and his injured arm could lean against the back of the seat out of his way. Sighing contently and closing his eyes, Shuichi smiled brightly up at Yuki, who leaned down to gently press a kiss on his forehead. Shuichi had no idea what was making Yuki so tender and loving, but he wouldn't complain.  
  
"Hey, Yuki?" Shuichi murmured as Yuki absently ran his fingers through pink bangs as he continued staring out the window.  
  
"Hm."  
  
"Did you know my concert's in a month?"  
  
"3 weeks." K interrupted from the front in a flat voice,  
  
"Nani?!" Shuichi exclaimed, his head jerking up from Yuki's lap.  
  
"You were in the hospital since Thursday, it's Sunday."  
  
Deciding not to repeat himself, Shuichi collapsed back into Yuki's lap. He couldn't believe that it had been 4 days. He had been in the hospital for 4 days?! It didn't seem that long. But then again, he had been asleep for much of that time. Then K's words really struck him and he sat up again,  
  
"3 weeks?! But we still have to record that song and I still have to write another one!" Through the mirror, Shuichi saw K nod and couldn't make out his manager's expression with the sunglasses. "I'm screwed." Closing his eyes and letting his head fall back into Yuki's lap hopelessly, Shuichi opened them again when he heard an annoyed sigh.  
  
"Stop moving your damn head so much." Yuki growled at him, refusing to meet his eyes. Shuichi's eyes widened as he realized what Yuki was referring to and a sly grin flashed across his face. He started to leisurely move his head around in Yuki's lap and snickered as he felt his 'pillow' hardening.  
  
"What the hell!" Yuki cursed as he struggled to get Shuichi off him, but stopped when he realized the manager was looking back through the mirror at them curiously. It wouldn't do to have the American see his 'little problem'. Yuki leaned close to hiss in Shuichi's ear,  
  
"You will pay for this."  
  
Shuichi shivered at the lustful voice before grinning cheekily at his lover,  
  
"Promise?"  
  
Yuki snorted and drawled sarcastically, "Scout's honor." Shuichi raised an eyebrow and snorted and was answered by another snort,  
  
"Wait until you get home. I don't want stains on my seats." K said flatly as Shuichi choked. He didn't know his manager had overheard them. Yet again, Shuichi felt a blush spread from his hairline to his neckline.  
  
"Mind your own fucking business," Yuki growled, mad at being interrupted in their foreplay. He sulked the rest of the trip.  
  
Shuichi sighed and sat up, leaning his forehead on his window as he watched them pass cars and looked at the changing colors of the leaves of the trees. The boredom was giving him too much time to think about things that…he didn't want to think about. Like his life. He sighed quietly, his breath misting on the cool window. Truthfully, there was no other choice. But, sometimes, it was just so hard to let go.

* * *

**A/n:** Hm...well, I'm happy with the length of this chapter. It's, as you see, very long. About twice as long as my normal chapters. It's such a different style though, and that's what made it long, not really any more content. Hey, K is back! Yay! And Hiro is seriously messed up. I swear just last chapter he got all mad at Suguru after a little kiss and now they're sleeping together?! What the heck?? Hiro, you are starting to be a messed up guy.  
  
And Yuki's being sweet. Too sweet. O.o; Why's Yuki so OOC and nice? Why's he...flirty?!  
  
But the all-important question...is the jeep good for K? I was thinking about making it a Hummer, but then decided, nah. Just kidding. The real all-important thing is...what will happen next time?  
  
The answer is...a little walk, a little talk, and a little tiny kiss. Okay, maybe not so tiny. I'll leave you all wondering what I'm babbling about. Think about it! (all of it. This whole a/n is filled with clues)

* * *

**REVIEWS**:  
  
Kadzuki Fuchoin: Kill Shuichi?? Ack, I don't know about that. I love him so much! But it'd be the easy end to the story. Should I take the easy way out or work at a convincing way to save him? I don't know!! We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Shuichi has, give or take a month at least. We'll see what happens in that time. Seki Tomokazu is wonderful isn't he? I want to marry that man someday. If I can get my hands on Initial D, I'll try to watch it. Anything for Seki, hehe.  
  
Mischa Kitsune: Wow, 12 reviews! And I'm replying every single on of them. Here goes...  
  
ch1-Grammer...ack, I can't stand the technical. If it sounds good, I go with it. Sentence structure collapses in my fics, but I can't give up one word sentences for dramatics. Enjoy!  
  
ch2-Cancer? nervous laughter Whatever makes you think that at such an early chapter? Wow, am I being too obvious or are you just too observant? Feel free to review like this, I thought it was very fun, especially responding to all these. I get to ramble. Hehe  
  
ch3-I'm glad Yuki's IC. His subtleness is so much harder to write than Shuichi's hyperness. Plot, what plot? hehe  
  
ch4-Yuki or Hiro? Hehe, guess you go for the tall, quiet type. I'm stuck between Shuichi and Ryuichi myself. But they're so alike that it's impossible to decide.  
  
ch5-hehe, you guessed right. I also do have something against smoking, it's not healthy, but this story isn't an allegory, well, not much, at least. That's great that you can skip over the mistakes. I know they're there, but I just haven't had the time to go back through and fix them, to be truthful. I should, since I hate it when an awesome flowing sentence gets broken by a stupid spelling/grammer typo.  
  
ch6-Hehe, yes, I have a fondness for cliffhangers, but I think I'm getting over it. At least you started reading when there was another chapter to go on to, instead of waiting weeks for me to update! hehe  
  
ch7-I love Yuki, Shuichi, Ryuichi, Suguru, Hiro, and a bunch of others, hehe. They're all so cute and when you look beyond that, such complex and memorable characters. Are you sure it was the nurse? I think you might mean the doctor. Personally, I try to avoid OCs, but I liked her. Very calm, hehe. Suguru, I wasn't really sure on until I started this fic. Then when I had to describe him, I looked up some pics of the anime. It's a very unique green, I like it. IC?! Wow, that's awesome!  
  
ch8-lol, thank you. I need more fluff though, hehe  
  
ch9-Yeah, Chapter 9 really wasn't my favorite chapter. I've contemplated taking it down since I first put it up. It's very depressing and angsty and scary in a way.  
  
ch10-Feed the mules? lol, that sounds fun! Bestseller?! No way. I actually don't really like my writing style much. At all. hehe, I'm constantly trying to change it. But I'm glad someone likes it!  
ch11-Yeah, I have a bunch of Gravi songs, almost all of them. One of the ones I know I'm missing is 'Welcome to My Romance' and I've been looking for it forever. If you have it, I'd be so thankful if I could get it from you! Or any other songs that I don't have. I do have MSN messenger, e-mail me sometime and I'll send you my e-mail for it privately. I haven't seen any animes with Seki-san other than Gravi, but I've been dying to read/watch Weiss Kreuz. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get my hands on any english translations.  
  
ch12-I love Hiro and Suguru, heck, I love almost all the Gravi chars. I'm glad you liked the bit about Sakano. Yuki plushie?? I already have a Kuma plushie and some Gravi pins, but no character plushies. Cool!! grabs  
  
Kitty in the Box: Nope, not letting the cat of the bag yet. Or kitty out of the box. Hehe, sorry, bad joke/pun, whatever that was. Yuki won't know for a while and there'll be parts that'll just make your heart ache, because they're so bittersweet. A little Hiro/Suguru thing? Well, that kinda grew, just a little. Hehe, Hiro really moves fast. Ryuichi's mind...well, don't worry. I don't think I'll make him into a psychotic or anything, but his part is definitely NOT going to be an adorable idiot. It's such a...degrading role for a genius like Ryuichi. He's misunderstood, that's what I think. Anyway, hope this update was soon enough for you!  
  
Wonderful Teru: Thank you! I agree, I think this is getting better as it goes. Or at least I hope so! Hehe, we'll see, ne?  
  
goku-the-saru: Yuki is going into the self-pity a little, but I think it's justified. Usually I hate self-pity, it always seems so whiny, but Yuki can complain a little about his life. I give him free reign to pout, hehe.  
  
Ikari Shinji-kun: Hey, this chapter lightened up a bit! I tried to change the pace a little, the angst was getting a little heavy. Just a bit. There's some humor at rather inopportune moments though. And much of it seems to come from K. O.o; I like the guy, but I can't help thinking that Murakami-san treats him like a joke most of the time. So I guess I will too. Hehe, we'll see how things work out, if they do.  
  
Aya Sanguinis: Hehe, I love stories that I can cry to! Poor Yuki, yes. Poor all of them, I make them all suffer so much! lol, I'm such a sadistical writer  
  
Anime Writer2: Yep, uh, I think it's called dramatic irony. The reader knows something but the character doesn't. Wonderfully frustrating, isn't it? Hehe, anyway, I don't plan on Yuki finding out for a while, but yes, it will be so sad when he does! Poor Yuki. I like the whole unrequited love with Hiro and Shuichi, but I thought I'd try to write Suguru in the story more. I like him a lot, and I don't like how he gets treated in the manga. So in my fic, he gets a better, part, hehe. Personally, I like Hiro as straight better than him and Shuichi together, but that's just me. But I'd also rather him be paired with Shuichi than Ayaka, so is that a contradiction?? Anyway, glad ya like Ryu and thanks for the great review!  
  
clari chan: Hehe, thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I understand the bloodiness (especially Chapter 9) is not for everyone. I had trouble even writing it. Anyway, I'm glad you still like my fic anyway, hope you liked this chapter!  
  
sweet chaos: hehe, I know what you mean. Sorry for not updating for so long!  
  
Inuyashagurl: Thanks! I'm glad you like it!  
  
futagoakuma-tenshi02: Oh, I'm sorry you're sick! I have whatever fall cold is going around too and the coughing, sneezing and sniffling is so annoying. Hope you get better soon!  
  
demonic faye: Hehe, I'm glad you still like it! Hehe, my fic is a drug. How fun. I guess that makes me the drug dealer then? Oh yep. I can just see myself in a dark alley with one of those trenchcoats with the collar up. lol  
  
Megamie: I am loving the HiroxSuguru thing. Especially since the YuShu relationship in this fic is already pretty much established. It's fun to write a new, bumbling relationship! Hope you like it!

* * *

Wow, I am loving this feedback. You guys are so awesome and I'm just blown away by these reviews. As always, keep them coming! (by the time I get here to the end, my creativity is sucked dry. Sorry I can't think of better ways to ask for reviews!) But seriously, tell me what you think, especially of this long chapter. Is it too long? Should I go back to what it was like before? Yes/No? Review!


	14. Out of the Woods

**

* * *

Disclaimer**: Gravi doesn't belong to me. Damn.  
  
**A/N:** An entire chapter of YuShu. We will get back to Hiro and Suguru next chapter. This is a...weird chapter. It has some strange form of humor, twisted beyond recognition. It has a very OOC-Yuki, but hey, canon-Yuki never had to deal with a truly depressed Shuichi, so we don't technically know how he'd act, right?

* * *

  
Disillusionment  
  
Chapter 14-Out of the Woods  
  
sunny1388

* * *

Shuichi yawned and stretched as much as he could with the plastic supporter restricting his movement. Ducking out from under Yuki's arm that was draped across his chest, he planted his feet on the ground before another yawn overtook him and he stretched again, twisting his head from side to side.  
  
'So nice…' Shuichi thought as he smiled contently. He'd missed their home, their bed so much during his stay in the hospital. As soon as K dropped them off in front of the apartment, Shuichi had ran inside, barely registering Yuki's grumpy, concerned yells for him to 'slow the hell down!'. He didn't even bother to kick off his shoes and ran straight for their bed. But halfway down the hall, he was stopped by something he'd completely blocked out.  
  
It was terrible. Shuichi knew that he screamed, but the rest of what happened was still a blur. By the time Yuki found him, he was kneeling in front of the open bathroom door in shock. Yuk had been surprisingly caring and had pulled the door closed, after a moment of shock and nausea himself. He'd forgotten about the…mess in the bathroom too.  
  
Shuichi wasn't able to walk after the shock, so Yuki had gently pushed him to their bed, where he cocooned Shuichi in blankets and found one of his treasured Nittle Grasper CDs. Then he left, presumably to clean up and Shuichi fell asleep to Anti-Nostalgic drifting peacefully from the CD player on the bedside table.  
  
It was no surprise that Shuichi had woken up with a nightmare, but he and Yuki didn't have any idea that it would be as intense as it had been. Still sitting on the bed, Shuichi slumped and dropped his face into his hands as he remembered with embarrassment the nightmare. It had been everything distorted into one terrifyingly realistic dream. The episode with Taki, which he thought he had left behind; his stumble into cutting; the bullet wound and…the cancer.  
  
Shuichi jumped up all of a sudden, breathing heavily as all the stress and pressure caved in on him. But the desperation and panic were gone as quickly as they came and he checked to make sure he hadn't woken Yuki in his frantic breakdown.  
  
Shuichi ran his fingers through his pink hair and took his hand away suddenly, disgusted. 'I need a shower…' Following that idea, he was the hyper idiot again. Grabbing clothes and the CD player, he tiptoed out of the bedroom, softly closing the door behind him before he started down the hall.  
  
Taking a deep breath as he stood in front of the closed bathroom door, Shuichi pushed it open with a light touch, trying not to let his eyes squint closed. It didn't work. When he opened them again, he was relieved to see that the bathroom was back to normal again. 'Ah.' That was why Yuki had been exhausted.  
  
Stepping into the bathroom and locking the door behind him, a sense of déjà vu caught him and he shuddered nervously before putting it behind him. Turning the CD player on quietly, he let No Style play on repeat, letting his memories drift back to the roots of Bad Luck; a tactic that always helped calm him down when things were hectic, even if it brought a little sad nostalgia with it. Humming along softly to the song, Shuichi went about his shower thinking as little as he could.  
  
When the water hit his face, the boy jumped as a sharp stinging reminded him of the slowly healing cut on his forehead. The bullet had left a good sized cut and he should've had it covered still. And it wasn't supposed to touch water.  
  
Shrugging, Shuichi went about his shower, wincing occasionally as sudsy water got into the cut no matter how careful he was to avoid it. He clenched his teeth as he quickly ducked under the water spray to rinse it off. Ow.  
  
Oh well, Yuki would help him disinfect it later. He shuddered. The disinfectant was strong and stung so much. Whining to himself about how much his life sucked, Shuichi quickly finished up his shower.  
  
After turning off the water, he wrapped a towel around his waist and tossed one on his head as he absently doodled shapes in the foggy mirror. He was dripping water all over the floor and no doubt Yuki would yell at him later, but that was one of the good things about being sick. Yuki didn't yell at him. Shuichi grinned, daydreaming about how much he loved Yuki. After enough condensation was gone, he suddenly stared back at his reflection in the mirror in shock. 'I look like hell!'  
  
Shuichi unconsciously leaned closer and carefully touched his face. The bullet wound had mostly healed during his stay in the hospital, but he needed to cover it. After the shock he had received from the bathroom when he'd first gotten home, he'd forgotten about the doctor's strict orders to 'make sure to cover it up and disinfect it'. Shuichi winced. The disinfectant was strong and stung. He mentally whined just thinking about applying it. Shuichi had another strange jolt of déjà vu, but his mind drifted from it as he looked back in the mirror  
  
The wound wasn't too bad. It had been deep and long, but the edges were tapered in depth so it was mostly the middle section that still needed to heal. The bruise on his cheek from Yuki's blow had almost completely faded away. There was still a little discoloration on his cheekbone that stood out from his pale skin, but it was the tiniest bit and overlooked except with close examination.  
  
Other than the cut, the most noticeable aspects of Shuichi's face was how much thinner and paler he was. Shuichi was usually pretty pale and scrawny, but with the upcoming album and concert, he'd been losing weight for weeks. Shuichi squinted as he critiqued himself in the mirror, but then, tired of it all, turned away from it with a resigned sigh.  
  
When Yuki woke up, he turned towards Shuichi's spot and blinked sleepily. Suddenly, he was wide awake as he realized that the boy was gone. Feeling the bed and realizing that it had been long abandoned, Yuki panicked. He threw the door to the bedroom open and ran to the door. Shuichi's coat and shoes were lying where they'd been left. Yuki stood in the middle of the living room in a sleep-wrinkled pair of pants as he ran his hands through his hair and listened.  
  
A sudden terrible thought occurred to him and he went back to the hall. His heart sank in dread as he noted that the bathroom door was closed an a thin strip of light shined out from under the door, indicating that someone was inside. He pounded on the door,  
  
"Shuichi?!"  
  
"Yuki!" the startled gasp came from inside and Yuki's panic rose,  
  
"Shuichi, open the door."  
  
There was silence.  
  
"Um, just a second, Yuki. I need to, uh, hang on."  
  
"Open the damn door now!"  
  
The silence stretched between them and Yuki couldn't take in anymore. He tried the door, but it was locked, of course. Running to the hall closet, he found the ancient spare set of keys and barged into the bathroom as quickly as he could get it unlocked with trembling hands.  
  
Yuki stared at the scene in front of him at a total loss for words. Rare embarrassment began to creep up on him.  
  
Shuichi was sitting on the toilet with a towel draped on his head but otherwise completely naked. The floor of the bathroom was puddled with water, obviously from Shuichi's shower. There were insane doodles all over the large mirror and every cabinet door in Shuichi reach was open.  
  
Shuichi flushed a bright red that spread over his naked chest and he hid behind his bangs,  
  
"Um…we don't have any more toilet paper, Yuki." Shuichi's voice was barely above a whisper and Yuki moved as if in a dream. He got toilet paper from the hall closet calmly, but as he was walking back, his embarrassment rose until he was as red as Shuichi when he got back to the bathroom.  
  
"Thanks, Yu—oof!" Yuki had thrown the toilet paper at Shuichi and shut the door after him as he headed to the living room and retreated to his pack of cigarettes.  
  
'What the hell is the matter with me?' Yuki scrubbed at his face as he pulled a stick out of the almost empty pack. He'd gone through almost an entire pack in a couple of hours after cleaning the bathroom the previous night. The ashtray was filled with half-smoked stubs and grey ashes. Lighting up the cigarette, he inhaled deeply and could feel himself starting to calm down.  
  
After a while, a silent Shuichi dressed only in boxers and one of Yuki's shirts plodded into the living room and wordlessly sat down in Yuki's lap, snuggling in against his lover's chest.  
  
"Move it, brat," Yuki poked at his lapful of Shuichi, "You're heavy!"  
  
Shuichi shook his head against the bare chest. His bangs, which were already dry tickled Yuki but the cold water droplets on the rest of his pink hair dripped on Yuki, who yelped uncharacteristically. With a heavy sigh, Yuki decided not to shove Shuichi off and into the marble coffee table, as he usually did.  
  
"One freaking time." Yuki conceded and Shuichi nodded solemnly, this time less energetically.  
  
Yuki was silent for a long time, simply breathing in and out the noxious fumes from his cigarette. He seemed to be struggling with words, as if for once his expansive vocabulary didn't help him. Shuichi shifted uncomfortably, reacting to either the silence or his innate knowledge of his lover. And then he flinched.  
  
Before Yuki could say anything, he suddenly felt scaldingly hot, thick liquid running down his chest. Looking down curiously at the same time that Shuichi looked up, both realized that the bullet cut had somehow torn open.  
  
Yuki shifted Shuichi off onto the couch and stood up, "Shit!" he cursed as he went to find the first aid kit they had received from the hospital as a lovely parting gift. He returned quickly to find Shuichi huddled against the pillows on the far end of the couch with his legs drawn up to his chest.  
  
"Do we have to?" Shuichi asked, with less whine in his voice than usual and more of his rare sincerity, "Please? Can't we just…cover it? Or something?"  
  
Yuki arched an eyebrow questioningly, and Shuichi sighed in acceptance and scooted over as Yuki sat down and opened the first aid kit, extinguishing his cigarette in the ash tray. Rummaging through the rolls of gauze, pile of band aids, and mini packets of common meds, he found an alcohol towelette and eyed it skeptically. Instead he opted for the bottle of the stuff and a square of gauze.  
  
Shuichi flinched as Yuki turned back to him. Yuki gently mopped up the blood around the wound before he prepared another pad of gauze with disinfectant.  
  
Squinting his eyes shut and with his hands clenched tightly in his lap around the ends of Yuki's long shirt, Shuichi waited nervously on the edge of panic, without knowing the reason for his fear. It was just a little stinging…  
  
"Watch it, kid, you're wrinkling my shirt."  
  
Surprised, Shuichi unballed his fists and his eyes opened. Yuki, taking advantage of the distraction, leaned in and pressed the soaked gauze on Shuichi's forehead as gently as he could. It wasn't the best thing to do.  
  
With a strangled cry, Shuichi scrambled back against the end of the couch and fell over the arm of it. From there, he skittered further away until he was backed up against the wall. His breathing was harsh and erratic, and he was panting and gasping for breath. After Yuki got over the initial shock of the strange reaction, he dropped the gauze and walked slowly over to Shuichi, not wanting to startle the panicked boy.  
  
When he got close enough, he pried Shuichi's freezing cold left hand as gently as he could from where it was clamped around his right elbow.  
  
"Shuichi?" his voice was hesitant. Even after they'd been together for so long, the name still sounded foreign to his lips. "Shuichi?"  
  
Shuichi turned to him, but his eyes stared off so intently, that Yuki couldn't help looking behind him to see if there was anything there. Of course, there wasn't.  
  
"God damn it, Shuichi, stop!"  
  
The cut on Shuichi's forehead was still leaking blood and the ruby liquid against his pale skin made it seem even paler. As it had when Yuki had found him in the bathroom. Shuddering, Yuki waited as Shuichi's chest stopped heaving and his breathing slowly began to even out. The icy cold hands that Yuki didn't realize he was still holding began to warm up and when they started to tremble, Yuki stared at Shuichi and watched tears pool in the faraway eyes.  
  
Finally after what seemed like forever, Shuichi's eyes shifted over to lock with Yuki's and that seemed to send him over the edge. He lunged at Yuki and clung to the blond with heart-breaking sobs wracking him,  
  
"Yuki, I didn't mean to do it, I swear! Honest, I didn't mean to, really," Shuichi's words, gasped out in between sobs, "Believe me, I really didn't mean to!" and eventually the tirade faded into a desperate mantra, "I swear, I swear,"  
  
Feeling self-conscious even though they were alone in the apartment, Yuki tried to do some of the things that he wrote in his books. The sentimental crap that he wrote that drove the women insane, the crap that disgusted him and, at the same time, sparked just a little longing in him. He tried to comfort Shuichi, petted his back, stroked his hair, feeling foolish the whole time, even though it seemed like it was helping.  
  
"Yuki, I didn't mean it." Shuichi's crying had mostly stopped, but his eyes were still averted in shame, "I'm sorry."  
  
There wasn't anything Yuki could say. Although he would never admit it, what Shuichi had done had hurt him, almost as much as it had filled him with guilt. He nodded, and then the moment passed and he released Shuichi, who sat wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt, completely mortified at his breakdown.  
  
"You're getting my shirt wet." Yuki deadpanned and startled Shuichi enough for him to glance up. The boy managed a weak, watery chuckle and stood up to grab a tissue from the coffee table. With a sharp exhale of surprise, Shuichi felt himself start to tip over and splayed a hand on the wall for support. He felt Yuki come up behind him and tried to steady his quick breathing. It was too fast, as if he wasn't getting enough air. The boy's hand inched towards his chest, to rub away the burning there, but he resisted, having enough presence of mind to know that that would spark Yuki's interest; something he definitely did not want to do.  
  
"What is it?" Yuki asked, as he watched his lover struggle for breath. Suddenly, Shuichi erupted in deep, wracking coughs as was happening too often and Yuki became concerned. Remembering what he'd done the previous time, he easily steered the distraught boy to the sofa and had him sit down. Awkwardly rubbing his back, Yuki tried to comfort him as he fought his own embarrassment. Comfort wasn't one of his strong points. Finally the coughing died down, but it had left Shuichi's throat sore and the silence in the apartment when it wasn't filled with Shuichi's chattering was disturbing for both of them.  
  
Finally, Yuki left to make breakfast, although it was already midmorning. Shuichi changed into shorts and his beloved 'bitch' shirt and settled back down miserably into the sofa as he slowly recovered his strength from the coughing fit. It drove home how serious the cancer was and drove away a little more of the denial that was still enveloping him. He resolved then to go back and see the doctor and see what could be done for it. Sighing, Shuichi reached for the remote with nothing better to do, but the intercom buzzed then.  
  
Yuki was clattering too loudly in the kitchen to hear, so Shuichi got up and made his way unsteadily towards the door.  
  
"Hello?" he asked as he held down the little button with the smiley face, remembering when he'd first doodled it on the there with a permanent marker. He had lectured Yuki about how contact with the outside world and visitors, him in particular, were good. Then he drew a smiley face on the intercom button to remind Yuki of it. Needless to say, Yuki was not amused, but it was pleasant memory nonetheless.  
  
"Hello?" he asked again, but there was still no reply. Shuichi walked over to the window and looked down at the door, spotting a familiar brown mop of hair. There was also no mistaking that voice as it yelled at the intercom to work.  
  
"I'll be right back, Yuki!" grinning widely, Shuichi stumbled down the stairs and to the front door of the apartment, throwing it wide to Sakuma Ryuichi.  
  
He was immediately glomped and Ryu's arms wrapped around him tightly. Shuichi could feel Kuma clenched in Ryu's hand on his back,  
  
"Sakuma-san! What are you doing here?"  
  
Ryuichi released him and pouted behind Kumagorou,  
  
"We came to see Shu-chan!" he blinked, his expression relaxing before adding more seriously, "Are you okay?"  
  
Shuichi scratched as his head, embarrassed,  
  
"Yep, all fine now. Some bruises and cuts, but that's it." Inwardly, Shuichi cowered at the gross lie. All was not fine, but Ryuichi didn't need to know that.  
  
"Great!" Ryuichi chirped and grabbed Shuichi's hand, his eyes darting to the window of Yuki's apartment, "Let's go for a walk, Shu-chan, just a little one, okay?"  
  
Shuichi shrugged with a glance at his window, "Sure," he replied, tucking his hands into his pockets. They were starting to get cold, but that wouldn't keep him from a little walk. He followed Ryuichi as they walked to the park where he'd first met Yuki. The whole time, Ryuichi chattered about how pretty the fall colors on the leaves were. Once in the park, they took the unpaved nature trail through the small patch of woods.  
  
The park was quiet. It was still a little early for outings to the park. Most people left that to Saturday afternoons, not Sunday mornings. The nature trail was abandoned so the two singers had the woods to themselves. As Shuichi walked down the well worn dirt path, he marveled at the leaves around him. It seemed as if in that half-week he'd been cooped up inside the hospital, all the leaves had turned vivid shades of red, orange, yellow, and maroons. There were still a few yellow-green leaves in there, but they melded with all the other fall colors.  
  
Walking past the small lake hidden in the middle of the woods, the two young men stayed silent. There was something about the atmosphere of the forest then that seemed to evoke the same respectful silence as you heard in a church or a library. Past the river, the path twisted and turned under a literal canopy of branches and leaves. Shuichi paused to jump and snatch a handful of golden sassafras leaves from a low dipping branch. He turned around to show Ryuichi, who had a curious gleam in his eyes.  
  
"Ryu-chan?" he asked, unsure of the look that he'd never seen before in Ryuichi's face, "What is it?" he laughed nervously, becoming self-conscious as Ryuichi continued to stare.  
  
"Nothing." Ryuichi said finally, but his hand hovered between them, higher and higher until it rested light as a feather, cupping Shuichi's cheek.  
  
"Ummm…." Shuichi blushed at the affectionate touch. A little too affectionate.  
  
"Ryu-chan, what are you doing?"  
  
"Shuichi…" Ryuichi voice sounded hoarse, "Can I kiss you?"  
  
Shuichi jumped back from Ryuichi's touch immediately,  
  
"What?!" the shock in his voice snapped Ryuichi out of his daydreams and he recoiled from Shuichi, staring down at his clasped hands,  
  
"S-sorry…" he stuttered, and neither singer met the other's eyes.  
  
After Shuichi managed to calm down the screaming voice in his head, he closed some of the distance between him and Ryuichi,  
  
"Um, Ry—Sakuma-san, I…"  
  
Ryuichi interrupted him, "Listen, just forget about it, okay?" he looked up finally, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-…I didn't"  
  
"It's okay." Shuichi replied, and both shifted uncomfortably before Shuichi suggested, "Well, we should--or, I should head back."  
  
They finished up the nature trail quickly and left the woods for the noisy streets of Tokyo. They provided more distraction. Finally they were back at Yuki's apartment,  
  
"Shuichi, I'm sorry about that. I—"  
  
"It's okay, Sakuma-san." Ryuichi's heart sank as he noted how Shuichi had gone back to his formal way of addressing him, "Thank you for visiting me, I'll see you at work tomorrow."  
  
Ryuichi was startled, there was no way that Shuichi would be returning to work the day after he'd checked out of the hospital! He was just about to argue it with Shuichi when the other singer apparently sensed what he was going to say and quickly retreated inside the building,  
  
"See you tomorrow, Sakuma-san!" he waved as he shut the door and ran back up the stairs with a pounding heart back to Yuki.  
  
-

* * *

**A/n:** I changed my mind! I took out the kiss, it seemed way too harsh of Ryuichi. I don't know how IC this is for him, but he's struggling with his new...feelings.  
  
Ahem, I have a fun story to share with any of you who read this fic, but first let me warn you: Don't try this at home. Learn from my stupidity. Well, today, it rained. Me, being the incredibly involved writer that I am (or maybe it was just a temporary Shuichi-ish bout of insanity) I decided to do something very stupid. Now, you know how police have to experience a taser shock before they can use it, pepper spray, that sort of thing? So they know the effect it has? Well, I decided to try the little situation I spun up at the end of Chapter 1, being of the mentality that a writer should, whenever possible, write what they know, so as to write more realistically. Now, I, at least (thankfully) had enough sense not to sleep outside in the rain. Anyway, I went down to a park near my house, found a bench, and sat down. I've done that before (sat on a wet bench) but that was by accident and I jumped up that time. This time, I didn't. So, after about 35 minutes or so of sitting outside, without a coat of any kind in the cold drippy rain, I was wet and freezing. Ahem, not the smartest thing I've ever done...  
  
I think I have too much sympathy for Shuichi to do that to him anymore, as much as I love the drama of a character running out into driving rain. In the real world, it's not much fun. :sweatdrop:

* * *

**REVIEWS:** clarichan: Thanks, I'm trying to lighten the plot up a bit after all that angst! Hehe, glad to see 

it's working.

Mischa Kitsune: It's been great talking to you on MSN, hehe, I much prefer that to just a rather one-sided reply here, ne? Thanks for the tip on the Weiss site, hehe. I'm thoroughly addicted to yet another series, hehe. Seki Tomokazu is just irresistable, I guess! Talk to you soon on MSN!

Kadzuki Fuchoin: Wow, thanks! Hehe, does its length play into your judgement? Well, I'm trying to write them longer, hehe. Hm, Yuki and Shuichi going at it in the backseat of K's jeep? I don't think he'd like that much! It'd be like the carcrash when Shuichi first informed him that he had a boyfriend, only a hundred times worse! Seki Tomokazu rules all! The guy is just incredible! Although I'm not sure if I have any chance with him...I'd probably have to get a sex change...:sigh: Nah.

Kitty in the Box: Yuki's being nice, yep. You're crying already?! Oh great, you're going to go through a box of tissues by the end of this fic, hopefully more. lol, sorry, I'm not saying that to be mean, just that there's gonna be a whole lot more angst. :sigh: I'll probably have to get some tissues myself while writing some of the parts!

izumi: hm, not yet, but, well, you'll see. I guess that'll depend on whether I decide Shuichi is gonna live or die. hehe

StrawberryPockyPoo: lol, I'm guilty of not writing for an entire summer too. For some reason, keeping busy makes me more productive; I guess it's the pressure! Hm, unrealistic? I know what you mean with the pairings, and thanks for the input, but I think that's more of a personal preference. Some people, me included, like a busy story. Personally, I don't think two pairings is too much. I think it adds more depth to the plot, sorry. And I think I like the direction the Hiro/Suguru thing is going so I'll keep it. Maybe you'll change your mind when you see how I'll tie it in to Yuki and Shu? lol, or not, hehe

StrawberryPockyPoo: lol, you're getting ahead of me. Chapter 13 cuts off there, but, as you see in this chapter, there was no lemon between Yuki and Shuichi, although I can't say for Hiro and Suguru, hehe. I don't think even Yuki is insensitive enough to have sex with Shuichi right after all that. And the dressing part, well, I sort of turned it into a funny little perverted scene and Yuki and Shu flirt a little, but dressing with only one arm is hard! I know from personal experience, although I didn't have Yuki to help me put on pants. :cough, lol: I hope I cleared up the misunderstanding, sorry about the confusion!

Black Mirror: Hm, the cancer thing is more going to be a background thing. It won't dominate the plot but it'll always be floating there affecting all the characters' actions. At least, it's supposed to be like that! Protective Yuki is nice, I think he's so sweet when he gets all flustered trying to be nice! It's adorable, even if it is a little OOC. lol

Wizard: Hehe, thank you. Personally, I am having lots of fun with Hiro and Suguru. Since the YuShu pairing is already established, it's fun to play with a new romance. Yep, jealous Ryu. It's a little cliche, but hey, that's okay. I'm hoping to write a more original jealous Ryu?? Maybe it'll work out, maybe not. But the pairing will stay YuShu, that's all I'll say.

mirai aria: hm, I guess, hehe. If I back myself into a corner, I could throw in something like that!

Hehe, it's a good idea, then at least Shuichi doesn't die!! Ack. Plot...hmmm...I would say PWP, but this doesn't have the requiste lemon, hehe.

snowkitten:lol, sure!

Haruko 4491: poor Shuichi and Yuki, yeah. But I'm trying to make up for it by throwing in more romancey stuff over the next couple of chapers...before I hit them with angst again, mauahaha!

magechick: Thank you, I'm glad you like the new length. I totally agree; a bastardly nice Yuki is great, hehe.

SilverHaze2: Hm, you'll have to wait a bit more for Yuki's reaction, sorry!! Thank you, I'm glad you like it!

* * *

Yay, review replies are my favorite part of the whole chapter! I love it when I get to do a ton of them, it's such a good opportunity to answer questions, clear up misconceptions, and just respond to you guys. I just love it!


	15. Sweet Nostalgia

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

This chapter is dedicated to two people, CassiToThestars and Max. Cassi, because not only is she an awesome writer in the Gravi fandom, but she also has a very steamy GacktxHyde lemon in the Moon Child area of Any fans of Jrock, Gackt, or Hyde, go check it out, because it's some seriously great writing that I can't even begin to praise. Even though it's technically not Gackt and Hyde (It's Sho and Kei). XD And the second dedictee is Max, because w00t goes to ANY guy who'll willingly watch Gravitation (and like it!). There is hope for humankind yet.

A/N: Plot is finally going to speed up because I'm aiming to finish this...sometime. Soon. Ehehehe...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Disillusionment**

**Chapter 15-Sweet Nostalgia**

**soumanyon**

* * *

Breakfast ended up being a silent affair. Shuichi didn't feel up to talking, with what had transpired in the park looming in his conscience. He snuck guilty glances up at his lover between bites of eggs, even though nothing had really happened. 

Yuki was more than aware of Shuichi's fascination with him that morning but dismissed it. Despite all his attempts to suppress the urge, the man wanted to openly stare, just as the pink-haired vocalist was doing. He'd come so close to losing Shuichi that, try as he did to maintain his usual sangfroid, he couldn't deny that a sizeable piece of his shell had been chipped away by the near-death experience, understandably.

After they finished, Yuki began to wordlessly clean up the dishes while Shuichi fidgeted in his seat.

"Talk." Yuki called from the kitchen, startling Shuichi,

"Huh?" he blinked, "Wh-what are you talking about, Yuki?"

With a snort, Yuki dropped the last of the dishes into the sink and headed over to the couch where he draped himself carelessly on the black leather.

"Something's bothering you." Shuichi's attempts at a clueless expression failed miserably, "What is it?"

"Well…" Shuichi muttered, tracing patterns on the dining table, "I was thinking about…going into work today."

There was a long enough silence that Shuichi snuck a glance over his shoulder at the couch,

"Go." A click of a cigarette lighter cap being flipped open, "Whatever, I don't care."

Smoke drifted up from the cigarette held between slender fingers as Yuki leaned his head back on the couch and released the breath of smoke. A wafting tendril finally found its way over to the dining room and promptly set Shuichi off in coughs again.

With a small pained smile that came nowhere near its usual brilliance, Shuichi gave his lover a one-sided hug before grabbing his bag and running off to work.

* * *

When he arrived, he was later than usual, but no one was expecting him. It was quite obvious in how the lobby secretaries stopped chattering as soon as they saw his pink head coming in the doors. The stares were unnerving. They weren't the usual worshipping, devouring stares. They were much more uncomfortable, if such a thing was possible.

Shuichi ended up taking the stairs over waiting for the elevator.

By the time he reached the floor where Bad Luck's studios were located, he was panting heavily. But it was a nice feeling to be back in the corridor where doors led off into rooms where some of the most talented musicians in all of Japan made music. It was comfortingly familiar.

Poking his head into the lounge that they often occupied, Shuichi realized that it was empty. Shrugging, he tried the recording studio next, but it was silent. Last, he went into the work room. Dropping his bag next to the keyboard in the corner that he had claimed as 'his', Shuichi absently played the first few notes of the melody of No Style. Humming along, he had just started to get really into the music when the door slammed open with enough force to bounce off the wall.

"Sakano-san!" Shuichi called cheerfully, waving with his free hand.

"Shindou!" the producer screeched, "What are you doing here?"

"Well…" Shuichi said, standing up, his head cocked to the side, "I'm here for work?"

"What he means," the American side-stepped Sakano, who was still standing in the doorway, "is, why are you here when you should be at home?"

"Resting! In bed!" Sakano added angrily. K wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Shuichi, who blushed furiously, to K's obvious amusement.

"Well, I was." Shuichi said slowly, "but I'm fine now. Back to work, right?"

Sakano blinked. Since when had his vocalist shown initiative? Usually he had to be dragged kicking and screaming from his hidey-hole apartment with Yuki by a certain gun-wielding American doling out generous amounts of death threats along the way.

"Why, yes! Of course, Shindou is right."

"No, he's not." K's voice was low and dangerous. His eyes, flashing with anger met and held Sakano's for only a moment before the other man looked away. It was obviously something that had been debated over recently.

"What's going on, guys?" Shuichi asked, curious about whatever disagreement the two were in now.

"Mr. President," Sakano began, with a fearful glance at K, "would like to proceed with the concert and release of the new CD on schedule."

K interrupted, voice still calm and even, "In other words, no delays. Do or die."

Commendably, Shuichi didn't wince at the intentional wording. K was obviously still worried over him, with reason. But, Shuichi thought, not for the right reason. His heart sank as he realized that he'd have to tell them sooner or later. It wouldn't be long before he couldn't sing up to his usual standards, and then they'd question him. He'd rather they found out directly from him. Sooner or later, but he'd much rather later.

"No problem!" he flashed a victory sign at them with a grin, "Let's get to work then!"

* * *

Fujisaki Suguru groaned as he let his head fall to his knees, which were pulled to his chest as he sat against the headboard of his bandmate's bed. The wrinkled white sheets covered him but the room still felt incredibly cold. Still, it was warmer than it had been, after their little conversation.

The previous night had been the best sex he'd ever had. Granted, it was the only sex he'd ever had, but that made it all the more special. Hiro had been wonderful, so much better than any of his wildest wet dreams about the guitarist. There truly was no comparison to the real thing.

But then the aftermath had invariably drifted down to the thing that always loomed over Hiro's mind, Shuichi. Hiro loved his best friend more than anything in the world, so it was only right that he should be concerned. But as insensitive as it would seem, Suguru really wished Hiro could have worried at a time when he wasn't so distracted by afterglow and the beauty of the naked man spooning him.

So he'd accidentally mentioned to Hiro that he had told Tohma and K about Shuichi's cancer.

He had no idea that Hiro would react the way he did. He also had no idea that Hiro detested Tohma, his cousin, so much. Understandably, Tohma was despicable to his enemies, but one had to be a little cutthroat in the music industry. There was no surviving otherwise, which was why to survive, hyperactive innocent stars like Sakuma and Shindou had to have managers and producers doubly ruthless, to make up for their naivety.

Hiro seemed to think that Suguru had betrayed the trust that he'd be allowed in, when he followed Hiro into Shuichi hospital room when his illness was revealed. Of course, there had never been any spoken agreement, or any at all, so Suguru thought. But Hiro thought differently.

And that was how the soft morning-after of Suguru's loss of virginity turned into the current situation, with the teenager sitting on Hiro's bed, still naked, while the guitarist spent too much time in the shower. There was no way washing hair could take that long. Suguru suspected that Hiro was avoiding him, which hurt.

How could such wonderful love-making turn into his new lover ignoring him? It wasn't fair. Hiro was supposed to love him, not just lust after him. It seemed as if his fantasy of his love being reciprocated had turned into a one-night-stand, something that was… somehow worse than before. At least before, he still had hope of winning Hiro's love. Now it seemed like that would never happen.

Suguru pulled the sheet tighter around himself, feeling strangely used… and, he thought as his eyes began to burn, the feelings had been caused by the person he loved.

* * *

Shuichi sat in a large comfy chair in one of NG's small practice rooms with a notebook in his lap.

No one expected that he'd return to work so soon. Hiro and Suguru were MIA, but Shuichi had begged Sakano not to call them in, insisting that it'd be a good time for a break for them since he could work on lyrics for the last single in the album. Sakano had agreed, after only a little persuasion from K, whose guns were, surprisingly missing. When Shuichi had questioned him about his missing holsters, K had simply shook his head and laughed hollowly, before clapping him on the back and walking away, still laughing.

Shuichi stared blankly down at the equally blank paper. It was covered with doodles, but unfortunately no words or lyrics, just like Shuichi's head. Frustrated, he flipped the page to start fresh but was met with indentations all over the paper that echoed his previous doodles. Growling, he flipped to a random page in book… and found a little doodle that was done with more care than the others. It also far surpassed the others in skill.

It was a picture of a little bird. Shuichi blinked before he checked the cover of the notebook, wondering how he'd come across such an old one.

The rough little sketch had been drawn by Hiro a long time ago, when they were still in elementary school. It was before Hiro had even picked up a guitar. One day he had been over at Hiro house and they were sprawled out in his yard after a long, exhausting game of tag. Shuichi had never been one for board games.

As they laid there panting and trying to catch their breaths, a little bird had flown down from somewhere among the branches of the huge silver maple in a corner of the yard and landed on the grass next to Shuichi. He'd been amazed by the bird and held his breath, trying not to scare it away.

It hopped curiously towards the pink-haired boy, cocking its head and staring at him with bright black eyes. Shuichi was getting red from holding his breath but wasn't going to give up, not when the bird was so close.

Then Hiro's brother ran in the yard shouting and waving his arms and the little bird, terrified of the loud, obnoxious new arrival, took off. It had been so close that Shuichi could feel the wind from its wings as it fled.

Shuichi, being an even bigger crybaby when he was younger, burst into tears and yelled at Hiro's brother to 'make the birdie come back!' Obviously, that didn't happen.

Shuichi moped the rest of the day and even the next day at school. When he was still depressed the day after, Hiro finally grabbed his notebook in class and sketched a little bird for him, whispering that it came back. Shuichi took one look at the bird, which looked nothing like the bird in the yard because it had been drawn by a third grader, and burst into tears, jumping up in the middle of class to hug his best friend. The teacher had been confused, but knew better than to question little Shuichi-kun's random actions.

Smiling at the memory, Shuichi flipped to a blank page and stared at it, once again coming up against a block. Memories of happier days only led him to remember that they were gone now and, in a few months, they'd been gone forever. Sighing, Shuichi began to move his pencil on the paper, almost unconsciously.

As his pencil skimmed over the paper, so his mind skipped over thoughts. The cancer, Yuki, the CD, Yuki, the concert, the deadline, Yuki, losing…Yuki.

Blushing with embarrassment that helped him to deny his fear, he looked down at the paper, really looking at his drawing for the first time.

It was a crude sketch, hardly better than Hiro's from third grade. Still, you could easily make it out to be a bird. The slender little bird flew among clouds, spiraling upwards and onwards. Beyond it, you could see the path ahead of it, a long expanse of ocean but the glimmer of something existed far ahead on the horizon that beckoned to it, enticing it. The little bird looked a little worse for wear, but it seemed determined to cross it.

Staring at the drawing, Shuichi scribbled a few lines below it, suddenly inspired.

_ "flying to the sky"_

_ "I'll cross that distant ocean"_

Then he read over the words that he'd written, ripped the page out of the notebook and crushed it uneasily. He shot it at the trash can, but missed. He didn't bother to get up and throw it away, too busy thinking over the words that he'd written, which sounded too absolute and too dramatic, too final. The idea was discarded and he was left with yet another blank page as he decided to get a start on the other single.

He'd lied a bit, telling Sakano that there was only one more single to write. But what was the harm in letting the man calm down a little, no doubt he'd suffer a nervous breakdown if Shuichi told him that two of the three singles on the new CD weren't even written yet.

This time, Shuichi's thoughts drifted to Yuki where they stayed a little before skipping through the past and future. He was a jolted a little when he realized that these would be his last two songs. He had decided against trying any desperate medical procedures that might or might not lengthen the amount of time he had left. It wasn't worth it, in the end, to suffer a surgery that might add five days to his life, or take some away. He didn't want to spend his last moments in a hospital bed. There wasn't any better place than Yuki's apartment.

Coming up with a sudden idea, although he'd have to ask Ryuichi later, Shuichi began to write. Instead of his usual scribble, the lines were carefully thought over and he paused before every single one as he once again poured his heart out through his lyrics.

Finally stopping when writer's block abruptly kicked in, Shuichi held his notebook with trembling fingers as he read over the lyrics that he'd written. Tears were flowing down his face and spotting the paper, but he didn't try to wipe them away. The song he'd written felt too delicate to withstand anything and he had to protect it, as if it'd fade away if he let go of it.

He suddenly didn't want to share it with his millions of fans. It was a fragile song, one that could easily be broken by the harsh criticism that any creative work stood open to, and he didn't want his precious song to be broken.

As he read through his words with blurry eyes, pausing only at a line that he didn't even remember writing. Actually, his memory of writing the song seemed to be gone, like a gap that shouldn't have been there, but he had no recollection of writing these two lines at all, as if his subconscious was trying to tell him something.

_ "But I'm sure you won't notice And I know that those feelings can't possibly reach you from here."_

Such simple words, but they opened a floodgate of guilt that crashed into him.

Yuki. He hadn't told Yuki yet, and he hadn't thought at all, not seriously, about telling Yuki anytime soon about his cancer. Closing the notebook and standing up on shaky legs, Shuichi dropped it on his chair as he wiped as his eyes with his sleeves. Yuki. Yuki, Yuki, _Yuki_.

* * *

Tohma sat in his big leather chair, spinning from side to side idly as he twirled his pen around in his long slender fingers. The view of his office wasn't offering any answers to his predicament, so he spun around to face Tokyo through the ceiling to floor windows behind him. They didn't offer much consolation either.

Spinning back around with a sigh, he dropped the pen and rested his elbows on the desk, chin resting on his hands. His eyes drifted over his desk, glass paperweight over a large stack of paper that he hadn't even started on, a little bonsai with a sand garden in the pot.

The blond let his eyes drop for a moment; sand patterns weren't helping. The trickling little fountain didn't help either with finding some much needed tranquility. So many things were coming together all at once and there was no where to turn for help. Tohma didn't trust anyone, especially not with his private affairs but it did make managing such a full life difficult.

Rubbing at his eyes helped relieve the pressure behind them a little, but it lingered, a background pain that he'd long gotten used to. He found solace from the sunlight behind elegant floor-to-cieling curtains and, checking to make sure the door to his office was locked, pillowed his head down in his arms as he forced himself to make a decision.

In the end, he knew what he needed to do. In some ways, it'd help him find peace, but he knew that at the same time his conscience would wage a bitter war against his mind. Still, it would turn out to the best choice, somehow.

With a heavy sigh, he picked up his phone, dialing a quick series of numbers and waited as the phone on the other side rang. At least he didn't have to make an effort at putting weariness in his voice, it was always there, usually covered up with a smile.

The person on the other side of the line picked up and Tohma closed his eyes as he began the dreaded conversation,

"Hello, Eiri."

* * *

A/n: Oh yes, the cliffhanger I've been waiting for for so long now. And soon we'll get to the part that I've wanted to write for a year and a half now. Can't wait! Tell me what you think! Any guesses as to where the story is going to go from here? Guess on what is going to happen between poor Suguru and Hiro? Pie to those guess right! XD 

**REVIEW replies:**

**Inari Ichigo**: Understandable, Chapter 9 made me a little queasy and depressed writing it and I haven't gone back and reread it since I posted it. It kinda scares me, especially the fact that I wrote it. I can definitely understand your not wanting to read it! On the other hand, no offence meant, but I took it as a compliment that my fic made you depressed so much that your friends noticed! XD That made me happy the rest of the day, really! We'll see about the ending. I'm a sucker for happy endings but I oh-so-love angst. Still, not really sure if I want to turn this into a deathfic but I might have written myself into a corner! We'll just have to see!

**thegangofgravity**: We'll see how the Ryu/Shu thing goes, but remember, I've mentioned the main pairing of this fic, and it will be YuShu. So don't worry too much, Ryu's just in there to spice things up a little. Yuki needs to learn to cherish what he has.

**Mourghan**: Eh, the plot was going a little slow so I decided to speed things up. And I couldn't figure out a good way for Yuki to find out! But I can assure that Yuki is finding out next chapter. Finally. XD

**suggy-chan:** So hard to find fics that even _have _Suguru in them so you can bet I'll definitely continue with this little side pairing! They're so cute together! I'm glad you like them too

**Starlit-Knight**: Hehe, it's so cool that you found me from a favorites list! hehe, makes me feel special. I'm glad you like it! hehe, hope you still like it!

**Shirubaa Kitsune:** Here's HiroxSuguru! I'm glad those two have some fans, hehe. I like the pairing myself. Yes, Suguru's much better for Hiro than Ayaka, isn't he? Besides, it's shounen-ai manga, Hiro needs a guy. XD

**SilverHaze2**: edge of chair isn't good place to be, hehe, don't wanna fall off like me!

**Haruko 4491**: Nope, didn't get sick amazingly, hehe. Ryu and Shu pairing is surprising? Really? lol, with their similarities, I'd always thought there was the possibility of something between them.

**Rubber Duck**: wow, your incredibly long review made me very happy! Hehe, long reviews on the BEST! Sakano-like levels of stress? Wow, that's a achievement that any fic writer can be proud of. I have no idea how many chapters this fic's gonna run. I'm insanely jealous of those people who can outline an entire story and follow that outline, I never could. As for your cc, well, yes, nurses usually are qualified to examine x-rays, at least, any respectable nurse. Nurses are too underestimated and undervalued. As for breaking the news, I'm not sure. The technical stuff can all be blamed on my own laziness. My dad is a doctor and my mom is a nurse, so if I was a better writer, I'd ask them and know that, say, cauterization is actually fairly routine and throw in technical terms. But I'm not such a dedicated writer as to go up to my mom and ask her how fast it'd take to bleed out if someone tried to commit suicide by cutting. That'd get me into counseling pretty fast. XD And since I decided not to rewrite this fic and leave it as is for sentimental purposes (refer to the title of this chapter, lol) I'll just leave the mistakes. lol, er, in other words I'm lazy. But just for your sake, I'll try to get some real medical info for later use. :)

**bLaCkFaia-nEkO**: Shuichi...hehe, isn't that the big question? Well, we'll have to see, won't we? Er, actually I've already decided but you guys, the readers, won't know for a while. Don't wanna give away the story!

**fallenangels1311**: I wouldn't say readers everywhere, but I'm happy if I can depress even one person! XD

: And it contines still, happy-happy-dance.

**thegangofgravity**: (review for ch. 13) owning Yuki? lol, sure, if you want Shuichi to come after you in a murderous rage! hehehe, I wouldn't risk it.

**clari chan**: I like Ryu/Shu, just not when Yuki's in the picture. If that makes any sense at all. lol, yeah, I originally planned for a kiss, but then thought that it'd be going overboard. I'm glad you agreed! And the bathroom scene was just some sort of twisted humor combined with Yuki's fear that Shuichi would try to kill himself again. A serious-turned-stupid situation, I guess. XD

**Lara**: Shuichi's bitch shirt? lol, I'd tell you what book it's in, but I can't remember. It's in the manga and yes, it does say 'bitch' on it. My friend Amy originally pointed it out to me and I thought it was hilarious, one of Murakami-san's little touches. See if you can find it. It's in the manga, I'm not sure if it appears in the anime. The writing is pretty small, it's on a plain-ish, long shirt on the part in the top right corner where you usually find a little logo or something on shirts.

**Kitty in the Box**: Nope, Shu won't talk. But, as you can probably see by the end of this chapter, it seems like he won't have to... hehe, I'm getting tired of blood, no more blood. (er, we'll see how long that lasts) Yep, bad Ryu-chan! Uh oh definitely in store...

**Megamie**: Hehe, I'm evil. Hiro and Suguru's relationship has officially gone beyond cute into...wtf! lol, I'm glad you're interested in what's going on between those two!

**Mischa Kitsune**: Yes yes, it tends to be that I'm very busy online. T-T We never get to talk anymore! Llama:gasp: I have a new obsession with llamas, did you know that? Yes. It all started when my sister told me that llama in spanish would be 'yama'. o.o; Ryu and Shu will be interesting, but just for a little bit, hehe, don't get too attached to it, main pairing will stay YuShu, definitely.

**Suki**: That's the burning question, isn't it? Well, can't give away the story, keep reading!

**Kadzuki Fuchoin:** lol, I'm hoping it is, I think I like this new style better too, even if the longer chappies make my fingers hurt. O.O; You wish you could write like me! Whoa, hold one. Flip the Me's and You's and then you've got a true statement. Do NOT underestimate your own writing like that! Speaking of your own writing, when are you going to update already! Soon? Please soon? The title of your fic is completely true, I'm totally addicted to Shu-chan. Now update, before I go into Shu-withdrawal! Heehee:grins at Ryu's line: I'm really wondering HOW Shu resisted him. If Ryuichi Sakuma asked me...well... XD (ignore the fact that he's a fictional character) Seiyuus, er, probably. But Seki Tomokazu is definitely my top fave. Kappei Yamaguchi is up there too because he is insanely talented. I mean, Ryuichi Sakura (especially the 'pika' part on DVD 4), Inuyasha, Ranma, and Jin from Yu Yu Hakusho. How does he do it!

* * *

I rant much... 

At the risk of sounding like an annoying idiot, I have to say that it makes me insanely happy when my favorite fanfic writers actually come to read and review my fics. :) Till next time!


	16. Oversights

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

A/N: Sorry for the hiatus. Ack, you have no idea how hard it was for me to post this chapter. I was seriously debating the idea of removing this fic. I think my writing style has improved through working on it, but the plot is weak and riddled with holes. But I've come too far and I'm too close to the finish line now. Disillusionment will be finished, I can promise you that.

* * *

**Disillusionment**

**Chapter 16-Oversights**

**soumanyon  
**

* * *

Shuichi sprinted down the little used stairwell of NG. His single-tracked mind ordered him to get home to Yuki as soon as possible to tell him about everything and to explain everything, no matter how hard it would be. While he did dread finally spilling the truth, there was a sense of freedom from simply making the decision.

A little exhilarated by his running and the deep breaths he was finally able to figuratively take, Shuichi had a sense of déjà vu. But the other time when he got home, the evening had ended sadly. He knew that this time would be different.

As he grabbed the corner of the railing to steady himself through a breakneck turn, he crashed into a familiar chest.

"Hiro!" the pink-haired boy smiled happily as he held onto his best friend, "guess what?"

The guitarist, whose previous expression Shuichi had missed in his happy ramblings, smiled down at Shuichi, inviting him to share whatever bit of interesting news he had now. Shuichi, of course, snatched up the chance; Hiro hadn't even rolled his eyes this time! In his eagerness, it was understandable that he missed the strain in the smile.

"I'm going to tell him!" Shuichi declared proudly.

Hiro blinked, caught off guard by the surprisingly serious announcement. He couldn't believe that his friend had reached such an important and correct decision on his own. It'd taken him until only a few hours previous to come to that conclusion. Unsure whether there were some other people behind this, Hiro kept his tone light as he inquired,

"Why?"

Jumping anxiously from foot to foot as if Yuki couldn't wait a few more minutes after being kept in the dark for a week, Shuichi shrugged impatiently, "I don't know." Then, after thinking about it a few more seconds, "I guess it just feels right."

His grin widening from the thoughtful little frown, Shuichi pushed past Hiro, waving a hasty good bye before running out of the stairwell, through the shiny marble lobby of NG and out into the streets of Tokyo crowded with noontime traffic.

Dashing out of the glass plated NG building, Shuichi was reminded of the last time he'd done so. That hadn't exactly ended well.

But this time he was sure that it would all be okay. He'd decided to be completely honest with Yuki and nothing could go wrong once Yuki knew the entire story. Of course, his lover might be worried…but Shuichi dismissed that. Yuki never seemed to be bothered by anything pertaining to him.

But that wasn't to say he didn't care. Unlike most, Shuichi could see past the exterior and knew that Yuki loved him. Actually, it'd probably be a relief to tell Yuki. He could get it off his chest but not have the person he was confiding in treat him any differently.

Hiro was a great friend, but he worried too much. With Yuki, he'd only have to go through the rough spilling out of the truth once and he could count on the novelist not bringing up the topic again.

As Shuichi jogged easily down the street, he caught sight of an blond clad in an expensive business suit. He knew only two blonds that would dress that way under the noon sun of Tokyo and this was too tall to be one of them.

"Yuki!" Shuichi couldn't believe his luck. Yuki hardly ever went out for fear of recognition and general laziness. And usually he only went out nights, as if he were a nocturnal creature which is really, if you think about it, not too far a stretch.

"Yuki!"

The man in question finally stopped, looking around behind dark sunglasses with his forehead creased in annoyance. Before he had a chance to spot his lover, he was tackled from behind, almost losing his balance as he pitched forward under the weight of a baka on his back.

"Idiot. What are you doing here? Don't you have work?" he growled, throwing Shuichi off of him and brushing his sleeve disdainfully.

"Nope!" Shuichi shook his head, "I get to spend the rest of the day with Yuki!" he cocked his head curiously to one side, "What are you doing?"

The novelist held up a small plastic bag which had been unnoticed until then, "Ran out of cigarettes." He muttered, turning away from Shuichi before he could catch the disappointed look. Shrugging, Shuichi skipped to catch up with Yuki as the man began to head back to their apartment. He clung to Yuki's arm, uncaring of who saw. It was rare treat to be able to go out with Yuki.

When they finally stepped into the cool, dark apartment, Shuichi hummed and kicked off his shoes in pleasure. It was an unusually hot autumn day and he was glad to be out from under the sun. Likewise, Yuki slipped off his sunglasses and his shoes, tossing his wallet and keys on the small table next to the door.

"Yuki, let's play." Shuichi pleaded, tugging said man's sleeve pitifully even as Yuki walked to his study, brat in tow. "Yuuuuuki, your deadline isn't for weeks!" Shuichi whined, now kneeling on the floor next to his lover's work chair and still latched onto his sleeve.

"Idiot, it's next week." Yuki grumbled, cracking open one of the new packs of cigarettes. He pulled his sleeve away from Shuichi grasp to light up with a contented smirk. Shuichi pouted prettily but the laptop was turned on and he was tossed out of the room.

Sitting behind the closed door, he grumbled before pushing himself up. He was heading to the kitchen to grab a snack when he saw the small red light on the answering machine blinking. Curious, he hit the play button.

"You have 3 messages." The answering machine said. Shuichi pressed play again to play the first one.

"Eiri-san, it's me. I'm calling…I wanted to talk to you about Shindou-san." Shuichi was even more curious now. Tohma's voice was strangely hesitant and he was never hesitant with his hatred for Shuichi. He continued listening, but first turned down the sound until it was barely audible. If Tohma was calling to say mean things about him, Shuichi would make sure Yuki never heard them.

"When we went to the hospital after the accident when his manager's gun went off…they took a chest x-ray of Shindou-san. I thought that since he's never quite responsible with things like doctor visits, that…it wouldn't hurt. He's my singer, after all." Tohma's voice had started to speed up but then he paused, pulling back from the tangent. When he spoke again, his words were soft and careful again, "Eiri, they found something." There was a long pause, "Eiri, if you're there, please pick up, I don't want you to be alone after hearing this." Another pause, "I'm coming over, don't do anything drastic, please. Wait for me." There was a click as the message finished.

Shuichi, who had been in disbelief during the entire message now sank slowly to the ground. Did…did Yuki know? He checked the time on the message in a panic. Only a few minutes ago, while Yuki was out buying cigarettes.

Shuichi now ironically thanked the very things that had given him all his problems. He didn't want Yuki to find out from anyone but him, and especially not from Tohma.

But…what had Tohma meant at the end, when he told Yuki not to "do anything drastic?" Shuichi hadn't even considered that sort of reaction to him delivering the news but it made it all the more difficult. Now he had to worry if Yuki might do something stupid after the initial shock.

He made up his mind, he would have to pick the right time to tell Yuki and certainly not now. It would only ruin the rest of the time he had left with his lover. And he wouldn't let Tohma tell him either.

Shuichi bit his lip in turmoil. What he knew he had to do wasn't the most honest thing in the world…but he wouldn't let Yuki know the truth if it would only hurt him. Ignorance is bliss.

Before going to firmly lock the door of the apartment, Shuichi pressed the delete button on the answering machine. "Delete all?" It asked, and Shuichi affirmed. "Messages deleted" the answering machine said as Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief.

He then headed over to Yuki's study and pushed the door open. His lover was sitting in front of laptop, tapping the keyboard uselessly. He was obviously stuck and wouldn't get any more work done until later.

Stiffening his resolve, Shuichi slipped onto Yuki's lap, sitting so they were face to face with Shuichi's legs dangling off the armrests on either side of his lover.

"What is it, brat?" Yuki growled, trying to look past him at his laptop.

"Yuuuuuuki!" Shuichi whined, nuzzling at Yuki's pale neck. He kissed and lapped it at playfully while Yuki tried to maintain his annoyed demeanor. Shuichi's hands began to unbutton the collar of Yuki's shirt, slowly working his way down as he kissed his way up the side of Yuki's neck, across his jaw line, and began working on his oversensitive ear.

Yuki's hands which had been resting uselessly on his desk before were now tangled in Shuichi's soft pink hair as he pulled the boy's face to his in a long, steamy kiss.

When the doorbell rang while Yuki had Shuichi pinned half-naked under him on his desk, it was ignored. When they heard Tohma's voice calling through the door, they ignored him. Finally, either when he'd lost patience or heard their sounds of love-making from the hallway, Tohma left the two in peace.

A while later, Shuichi dragged himself out from under Yuki where they had collapsed on his desk. The blond muttered something in his exhausted sleep. Collecting his clothes which had been scattered around the room, Shuichi ran his hands through Yuki's blond hair, tucking it fondly behind one of the novelist's ears. Yuki mumbled, swatting away Shuichi hand in his sleep.

Shuichi's grin slowly faded into a contented smile as he bent down to press a soft kiss on his lover's cheek before he left the room, closing the door silently behind him.

He went to the bathroom to clean up, tossing his clothes in the laundry basket. Staring in the mirror, he blushed at the sated, grinning idiot look on his face that Hiro often teased him for.

Maybe it was leaving the room that had been warmed from their body heat or maybe it was the fresh cigarette smoke that had lingered in Yuki's breath that he could taste when he kissed him but something triggered the cough that lasted for minutes. Shuichi could hardly catch his breath as the cough tore through his body and he squeezed his eyes closed in pain. Tears stubbornly leaked through anyway

The coughing that came from deep inside his chest left Shuichi drained and pale. A sticky sweat had already beaded on his face and neck.

He groaned, and stumbled his way over to the shower and tub where he leaned down to turn the water on. The sound of the stream of water hitting the ceramic was soothing as it blocked out the sound of yet another round of coughs from his own ears. But the moisture and heat that were quickly filling the small bathroom strengthened Shuichi enough that he could get up and take his shower, although the action of lifting his arms above his head to lather and rinse his hair quickly tired him.

It wasn't long until he was done, dried and clothed again in their empty bedroom, as Yuki was still asleep on his desk. Their love-making had been wonderful, as usual, but Shuichi couldn't help but regret it. His reason for initiating the sex had been less than honest; it was the only way he could think to distract Yuki from the doorbell.

He wasn't sure if Yuki had heard… Often the blond was focused enough that he didn't care about the outside world. An embarrassing round in one of the NG practice rooms had proven that. But if even Shuichi had heard the buzzer in his dazed state, Yuki must have.

Which was why he needed to head back to NG to convince Tohma that leaving Yuki in the dark was the best option. He supposed that Tohma had wrestled the issue with himself long before and didn't have much hope of convincing the blond otherwise but he'd try, at least.

He'd just tell Tohma that he planned on telling Yuki and beg him to leave it alone.

Again, Shuichi bit his lip indecisively. The whole thing was a mess, the lies were growing and they were such a burden. He wondered how Yuki could handle holding so many secrets in his life, it seemed like a crushing weight to Shuichi.

* * *

X.x; -dies- 35 frickin reviews for one chapter? Wow, Gravi fandom is exceedingly generous, to give a crappy writer like me that many reviews. Thank you! I'm definitely not complaining. Keep it up!

* * *

REVIEWS:

clari chan: it was an experiment, I'm glad it's well recieved! hehe, Shuichi will er... "tell" Yuki. XD you'll see.

lemur130: Hiro needs to apologize, the jerk! They should make up. Now. XD

Aacire: lol, thank you! that's what I was reaching for. hehe, cliffies are me.

embyr81788: thank you!

Mischa Kitsune: really? lol, llamas are cool. just look at the spelling! llamas. llamas, llamas, llamas!

CassiToTheStars: lol, much as I love yaoi, yuri's not for me. hehe, sadder's a word, sure! I always use "funner" although it sadly gets edited out. the bird, hehe, that was a metaphor? lol, I just love Seki Tomokazu's Gravi song, "Bird" hehe, addictive?

Sutzina Zion: well, cancer's a curious thing. It's partly due to Yuki's smoking, that's a trigger. But it's also genetic in some cases. It's a mystery. I don't know much about it myself, scientifically. lol, I'm definitely no expert but it doesn't matter. The forerunner in this fic isn't the cancer, it's the relationships.

Shirubaa Kitsune: Yuki would be...I could totally see him pulling a Romeo and following his lovely lady in death. xDDD

Kadzuki Fuchoin: ouch, lol, I'd only agree to being shot by K's magnum if Shuichi and/or Yuki was there when I woke up. XD or if I die, I'll kill of Shu first so he can wait for me! muahahaha! lol, thanks, I keep trying out new writing styles, but don't know how well that stuck after not updating for so long. eep. don't kill me!

DARK WRYDER: lol, not a happy ending? We'll see...such a hard decision. Ryu/Shu will just be for a bit. The main pairing is definitely YuShu.

Crysania Fay: Yuki doesn't find out yet, but it's soon, I promise. Maybe 1-2 chapters. 3 at the most. Definitely before chapter 20.

Ichigo Inari: hi again! lol, I can't bring myself to reread most of my own fic. ugh, it reeks of first-ficcyness to me. lol, and especially not chapter 9. I don't know where that chapter came from, certainly not me. Hehe, yes, I like the angst...a whole lot! lol, angst for everyone!

Mizuky: er, yeah, that chapter wasn't exactly my favorite. I'm been entertaining the idea of removing it ever since I posted it. lol, yes, review!

Tsugath: lol, we'll see about Suguru and Hiro, depends on my mood, I guess. Ayaka isn't quite out of mind...you're getting ahead of me!

izumi: nope, you'll definitely remember when Yuki finds out! aw, I wouldn't wish it on either of them. poor Shu..

skyofdestiny: lol, Tohma has to be the spoiler! hehe, I love him for that. Thank you! glad you're sticking around!

cjchan: lol, not quite. Yuki gets, er, 'distracted.' xD

chakura: yup, smoking bad, yuki will find out...soon.. promise!

ecentpatrick: lol, cliffies are my favs! My chapters just somehow end that way. It's either cliffies or boring, lol, I'm not capable of more. Cupcakes! Yummy...chocolate? I like chocolate. I also like angst.

haru's doppelganger: hehe, Shu getting molested... only by Yuki! er...unless it's Hiro or Taki. Hehe, I'm open to pairing. I'm glad you think it's realistic! hehe, I was worried aobut that. Yuki will find out through Shu but uh, indirectly.

wendyghost: lol, we'll see if Shu dies. hehe, I used to hate Tohma but now he's intriguing me as a character. I think I'll keep him around to make trouble, hehe

pikapikaryuchan: wow, er...hope you didn't lose too much sleep? I'm glad you like it, though!

kaylariana: Oo your message didn't display.

i love athrun: hehe, new chappie up!

Shadowfox13: Ryu-chan was unfortunately shoved aside in this chapter. All I'll say is that he'll find out same time as Yuki. Sadly, I don't know if Shu will have enough time...we'll see.

Flame-chan: lol, thank you! hehe, wish I could believe it but I guess you're really your own worst critic. lol, I see so many errors and holes when rereading my own fics.

Bluebear: thank you! I'm glad you like it.

Pia Bartolini: as I'm still very inexperienced with writing, I figure it'll just get better. Hopefully. Hehe, things will get more exciting soon, I hope, as the plot speeds up.

halfdemon-gurl15: whoa, huge review! Thank you so much! lol, I'm glad the fic is believable, I wasn't so sure about it myself but that's nice to hear. lol, it's a little overwhelming to see so much gushing for me! Very encouraging, though. hehe, thank you again!

Your fan: hehe, my fan? that's kinda neat. Actually, Tohma isn't telling yet. I've had planned from the beginning a very mean way that Yuki will find out. xD evil me.

DeathIsntTheEnd: hehe, I love angst but I agree that it's depressing. That's why I need my other fics and ficlets to cheer me up.

EmmaDee: many people seem skeptical about Hiro and Suguru, I'm glad you're keeping an open mind. :) I'm glad you're back into Gravi! It's one of my old comforts.

A. Person and a half: hm...not a year and a half, about half a year? -sweatdrop- sorry it took so long, but I'm definitely going to speed up now. I plan on finishing this fic soon. Argh, I love angst yet I can't believe I wrote chapter 9. I haven't gone back and reread it since I wrote it. Poor Shuichi, hopefully he doesn't die but we'll see, won't we? It's so hard to decide, maybe I should just flip a coin.

darkphoenix245: Thank you! ;)

Susan: lol, nope, that'd be a pretty black cloud hanging over my head.

* * *

I feel guilty for having so much non-chapter content in the form of reviewer replies... but I can't help it. Even a few lines per reply makes for so much yet I love your reviews and if you take the time to review I should at least take the time to reply, ne? And I love replying. You guys don't mind it, do you? Please speak up if you do...  



	17. Difficulties

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. 

**A/N:** -sigh- It's been a long, long time, hasn't it?

But, aside from this, I have a Disillusionment almost side story thing done, maybe to be posted, we'll see. It's either an alternate ending type thing or the real ending. We'll see.

For now, enjoy! It's a short chapter but I slaved over this!

**Dedication**: _To my Yuki, whom I've finally found again._ You're never gonna be rid of this Shuichi, so better get used to it...again! xDDD

* * *

**Disillusionment**

**Chapter 17-Difficulties**

**soumanyon**

* * *

Over the next few weeks, things were crazy for Bad Luck. 

Not only did Shuichi have to deal with two of his bandmates ignoring each other, he'd virtually sold his soul to the devil; in other words, make a deal with Tohma Seguchi. He had promised Tohma that he'd tell Yuki right after their concert series.

It was a weekend thing, with shows scheduled Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Shuichi would tell Yuki after it was all done so that he could go through with what would be his farewell concerts…not that anyone would know.

It had taken a lot of persuading and more than a little help from Ryuichi, but Tohma finally agreed and that was one thing off of Shuichi's list of worries.

It seemed as if his condition was getting worse by the day. He couldn't take the stairs without having to make three or four stops, so he stuck to the elevators. The breaks they took in recording got longer and longer but K, to everyone's surprise, was infallibly patient.

Some nights it got so bad that Shuichi had had to stay after at work hours after every else had left out of fear of going home. He didn't want to break it to Yuki yet, so asking his lover to take breaks during sex wouldn't be something that he could explain away easily.

Right when Shuichi wanted to treasure his remaining time, it seemed the world was working against him. Neither Hiro nor Suguru wanted to see each other much less be in the same room together. Hiding the secret from Yuki meant spending more and more time away from him. And even Ryu had become distant after that confusing encounter in the park.

Some days, Shuichi wanted to pull on his hair and shriek. But he didn't have the breath for it anymore.

Finally, the days inched past until Friday.

Luckily, the songs that Suguru had chosen for their lineups weren't too bad. There were some difficult ones but those were mixed in with the easier ones. Shuichi reminded himself to thank the kid for his consideration.

Friday didn't go too bad. There had been some trouble spots but not enough to make anyone suspect more than a sore throat or light cold. Other than fainting a few times, it went smoothly.

The first time he fainted, Hiro and Suguru had panicked. Then they realized that he wasn't hurt, just past his endurance. Shuichi had gotten up to play the next leg of the concert. But in the next break, he fainted again and that time, it took him considerably longer to wake up. Suguru was getting worried that he wouldn't revive in time. But Shuichi didn't fail them.

The last time was when the concert was over. And that time, Shuichi didn't wake up. They had to carry him back to Hiro's apartment where he spent the night. Yuki didn't question it.

"Hiro…" Suguru murmured. It was the first time he'd spoken directly to the brunette without outside provocation since their fateful night together, weeks ago.

"It's okay." The guitarist replied, voice cool, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted so harshly."

His tone was apologetic but it didn't indicate a wish to continue the conversation. Suguru returned to his own dressing room, eyes downcast.

"Hey Hiro," Shuichi called, one eye slitted open from where he dozed on his makeup chair, "Why're you being such a bastard to the guy?"

Hiro rolled his eyes at his friend's simple view of the world. "Because," he muttered, "because I'm straight."

A muffled snort. Hiro glared in his friend's direction, even as another can of hairspray was applied to his hair. Ah well, at least it wasn't as bad as Shuichi's costume. This one played up the singer's effeminacy more than any of the others so far. It was either a long white tunic or a simple white gown, depending on who you asked.

Shuichi defended it as a tunic even as Hiro waved evidence in his face in the form of snapshots of the various occasions where he'd taken a liking to the opposite sex's wardrobe.

They verbally sparred until the call came for them to get on stage. Shuichi paced nervously back and forth as their opening act wrapped up their last song. The applause was decent and Shuichi reminisced back to when they, he and Hiro, had played tiny gigs at unknown clubs or school dances. Hard to believe that they'd come so far. Apparently they would be playing to a full house.

"…and Shuichi Shindou." His cue. Shuichi leapt on stage in a brilliant flare of pyrotechnics.

"Of Bad Luck!"

They launched into a spirited rendition of Spicy Marmalade followed by Jounestu Ballad and some old favorites. The audience ate it up and begged for more.

A pair of golden eyes watched the bright figure dancing back and forth on stage. A tiny smirk quirked the corner of his lips. Shuichi was a natural.

Halfway through, Nittle Grasper joined them and the two bands played a few songs together, a scene that made half the fangirls in the audience faint of delight. Personally, Yuki thought that a particular Ryuichi Sakuma was getting a little too close to Shuichi to even be excusable by fanservice, but that was only his opinion. None of the girls in the audience seemed to mind.

Finally, they finished the last song by Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck. It was a new NG single, something called Bird(1). Yuki grudgingly admitted that the lyrics were a pretty piece of work. Maybe that Ryuichi did have some amount of talent. They were filled with such longing.

Apparently, it hadn't been on the program because Shuichi looked bewildered. After a couple choruses, he caught on and joined in but Yuki personally thought the pair spent a little too long staring into each others' eyes.

He would've imagined the Grasper vocalist to be too immature to even comprehend the idea of stealing someone else's boyfriend but then again, apart from the Kumagorou-toting Ryu-chan, there was Ryuichi Sakuma, the vocal genius that was the heart behind Nittle Grasper. Who knew what the man was capable of behind that doll-like face?

Yuki was almost too distracted to realize that the last break had been too long and that neither of the bands were to be seen. During most of the breaks, at least one of them had come out to amuse the audience but no one this time, and the fangirls were getting restless.

When Tohma finally came out on stage, Yuki knew there was something wrong.

He stood in the middle of the stage directly under the lights, a spot usually reserved for Ryuichi or Shuichi. His hat was tucked under one arm and there was the tiniest crack in his composure, invisible to anyone who didn't know him as well as Yuki.

When he spoke, he looked in Yuki's direction, pale aqua green gaze seemingly piercing through rows and rows of impatient fangirls.

"Due to...difficulties, I'm afraid the rest of the concert has been cancelled."

He paused, waiting for the disappointed shrieks to settle down.

"As has the one tomorrow night."

Yuki's heart sank and he was out of his seat immediately and rushing towards the front of the hall. It must have looked weird; a grown man with sunglasses inside pushing his way through a hall full of teenage fangirls. But he didn't care.

"I'm sorry."

Seguchi's last comment rattled through his soul.

Something was seriously wrong.

* * *

_tbc..._

* * *

**A/n:** The long-awaited "Yuki finds out" is finally nigh. Is it to be imagined? I do believe so. 

(**1**) Bird, a Gravi song sung by Seki Tomokazu, Shuichi's awesome voice actor. This song is arguably one of my favorite Gravi songs and the lyrics are so sad and fitting, I think.

Anyway, look it up, if you've never heard it!

* * *

**REVIEWS**: 

I really have to make it up to you guys, for sticking with me, the slowest writer in the Gravi fandom, most likely. I can't believe your dedication. How can I make it up to you guys? Christmas fic? fanart? What? let me know, really. I need to thank you guys, all these reviews make me so guilty for taking so long!

Anyway, thank you for always sticking by me. You guys so rock (if you don't already know that.)

Thank you for always taking that minute or two to type a little note, even if it's something short like "good job" or "keep it up" or just "update!" it's always appreciated.

Thanks!

* * *

A. Person and a half: Yay, old reviewer! chapter 9...haven't gone back through, nope, not after I wrote it. Not my style, thank you very much. Yuki finds out! FINALLY, right? after so long. lol, yeah, Disillusionment is a fic of cliffies..they just come out of me in this fic, I don't know why? I did consider taking it down or putting it on indefinite hiatus but once in a while, the mood strikes me to work on it. Fond nostalgia, I guess, of the old days when Gravi fandom was maybe 2000 fics and everyone knew everyone else. Ah, those were the days, ne? 

Dark Wryder: Yay, another old reviewer. Mwah. Welcome back! YuShu, yes, of course. This is Disillusionment. This is definitely YuShu. As for the happy ending thing...eh...jury's still out on that one. We'll see what my muse decides to write.

suckers love: write like me! xD here's the trick: just start typing. And see what comes out. That's how I do it, by blundering. And I think it shows.

Mischa Kitsune: no Mary Sues...xDDD Nope, and never will. -shudder- if I ever sink to thank, please steal K's gun and shoot me. I'm counting on you for that. Plot holes...eeeck...yeah. First fic and all, I think I jumped in too quickly, but thank you, for saying that it was overall okay. That's all I can ask for and thank you! Come back and review sometime...missed you. You're one of my oldest reviewers, eh? Glad you've stuck with me so long!

crazyinmind: Cry? Really? I'm sorry you cried! I bet you're not a wuss! lol, update, here

i love athrun: I love Athrun too! xD Although I love Izak more, I think. The psychoness gets me...like Ryuichi!

Ranma064: HiroxSuguru...ooh, I feel guilty for only hinting at them. I feel like now that I've put so much into the pairing, I should incorporate them more but what can I say, Shu's a spotlight hog. -snicker- Yay for HiroxSuguru shipper!

bloodykitsune435: chewing the computer! please unplug it first! I don't want to responsible for killing a reader!

Aacire: nope, definitely not forgetting this! It was my first baby! My firstborn, my eldest. I love it to death even though it's frustrating.

SnarkyKat: Doom...in all caps. Eeps, should I go run and hide, too?

Yuri Yuki: whoa, that's where K's guns went! hehe, okay, I'm writing, I'm writing!

depth-orca: Hehe, that's a lot of really's! I'll try, thanks!

halfdemon-gurl15: Shuichi...sort of tells him, I guess! Hehe. Thank you for the praises.

FragileSwiftWing: Yay, another supporter of HiroxSuguru! Aren't they cute? Not as cute as YuShu but very cute nonetheless.

Ashcat: I love your review! It's so uplifting. You're so good at complimenting. I think I'm blushing. I agree that my writing style matures. (I'd hope so, after 2 years with this fic) In character? Really? lol, thanks... That farewell concert is a couple chapters off though. This was "supposed" to be it but as per obvious reasons, that gets put off. I can't wait either. I've had that song written for...about three years now!

Fwoggie: Shuichi um... "tells" Yuki. Ahem. Awesome? Erm, no...but it makes me happy that you think so! Thanks!

Lecta1313: Haha, thank Jess for me for pointing out a very nice reviewer, then. I'm glad you love it! Thank you so much!

silverskyeangel: 3am! Dearie, you need to get some sleep! And don't be depressed, it's just a story! Shuichi's fine in real life, right? hehe. The ending is a mystery, even to me! Erm...as for the HiroxShu pairing that you asked about, well, not in this fic. I'm fond of it, it's strongly hinted at the end of one of my Gravi oneshots, From the Beneficent Spider, but Disillusionment is pretty much strictly YuShu. Glad you love HiroxSuguru! I love that it's catching on, finally! Remove the fic? No, no! I'm definitely finishing!

animeanimal: Violent!Yuki isn't my favorite persona either...I think he's left that behind. I think Yuki's just a big softie at heart, hehe!

Shadowfox13: How they find out...well, that question's answered, right? How they react...that'll be interesting, I think.

Kashoku1: Thank you! I'll try from now on.

Yami Chikara: Depressing...I know. I hope it'll end happily, too!

Quack says the duck: thank you! Haha, you stuck out a spider for me? lol, I don't think I'd have the guts to. Yuck

M33333333h: I think it's original...at least when I first posted the fic a long, long time ago, hehe.

Sammuri Kitty: Thank you for all the comments! Yeah, I'm a comma freak, still am. Argh. I just stick commas everywhere! But I love you're comments that said that my style is improving. I think I agree, if that doesn't sound vain. But I'm glad you stuck out the rougher chapters! Thank you very much!

Yoyo: originality and talent...hehe, sure, long as you don't go back through and read the first ten chapters or so!

Fleaur: Ew, I know, incomplete. For now, that is. It'll be finished...sometime...in the future. hehe, I just take my time, I guess.

junglebunny: really, best? lol thanks... As for Shu/Ryu, I don't mind it but we won't see that this fic. Maybe some one sided Ryu/Shu, but that's about as far as it goes. I be a major YuShu fan too.

Eve: sadistic lover of angst, hehe, reminds me of me! Updating...hehe, erm, that's one of my major flaws. But I do guarantee that I'll finish, so I suppose that's a plus? -hugs back- thanks

Cute and Fluffy: Awww...your review was a very nice warm fuzzy, thank you! Two years? Has it really been that long? Wow...

KagomeGirl21: Poor Yuki! And poor Shu too, ne?

Ang3l-Dark3n: Yup, K's a tamer now, as it should be. Yuki will be getting loads of angst soon enough, poor guy.

windchaser90: I don't know myself it he'll live or die. We'll see! But, as you see, Shuichi doesn't really, ahem, "tell" Yuki. More like he shows him

* * *

Wow...is there anything else to be said? Just...wow. 


End file.
